Carla LeBec: Yoh, Becs. What's this thing you have against rich people? I mean, you're dating a rich guy. You want to be rich yourself, right?
Rebecca Howe: Yes. And when I am rich, I will stop hating rich people, and start hating poor people. It's the American way.
[Sam enters the bar]
Sam Malone: Hey everybody.
Woody Boyd: Oh, Sam. You're just the guy I've been looking for.
Sam Malone: Why is that, Woody?
Woody Boyd: Because you weren't here.
Woody Boyd: A nice cold beer coming up, Mr. Peterson.
Norm Peterson: You mean a nice cold beer going down Mr. Peterson.
Carla LeBec: [about Norm cheating in the draw to decide the bar's designated driver for the evening] How many times have you done this?
Norm Peterson: Well, I'm embarrassed to say this is my very first time.
Carla LeBec: This is the first time you've cheated?
Norm Peterson: Oh, I thought you meant getting caught.
[Kelly enters the bar]
Kelly Gaines: Hi Woody.
Woody Boyd: Oh hey, Kelly. I didn't expect to see you here.
Kelly Gaines: Oh, Woody, I'm leaving for Europe first thing in the morning, and I wanted to spend every single free minute of the time I have left with you.
Woody Boyd: That's a great idea.
Kelly Gaines: But first, I have to get my hair done. Oh, then I have to get my shots, and I have to buy a new bathing suit. Oh, and I haven't even started packing.
Woody Boyd: So what are you saying, Kelly?
Kelly Gaines: I guess, "bye".
Woody Boyd: Well, at least we have this time together.
Woody Boyd: [about giving Kelly a promise ring] Well, I'm giving this to you because you're going to be in Europe meeting all those rich dukes and earls and counts and basies and stuff.
Sam Malone: [picks up one of Kelly's Barbie doll's combs] Boy, this is a great little comb. Teeth aren't too wide, nice flexibility, good heft. I've been looking for one of these for my eyebrows.
Kelly Gaines: That one's for blondes.
Sam Malone: For...? Geesh, you are rich.
Sam Malone: [looks at the over one thousand Barbie dolls in Kelly's bedroom] Boy, G.I. Joe should come here on leave one day.
Woody Boyd: We could get secretly engaged.
Kelly Gaines: Oh yes, Woody. That's a wonderful idea. It'll be our special secret. I'll be in Europe, and you'll be here, and we'll have an unspoken bond across the ocean.
Woody Boyd: Oh, that sounds swell. So you won't date any other guys while you're in Europe?
Kelly Gaines: Well Woody, if I don't date any other guys, then people might suspect that I'm secretly engaged.
Woody Boyd: Yeah, that's right, yeah. So I'll have to do the same thing back here in the States, 'cept of course I'll date women.
Kelly Gaines: Right Woody.
Woody Boyd: Yeah.
Woody Boyd: Hey, wait a minute. You're not already secretly engaged to someone else, are you?
Kelly Gaines: No. But even if I were, I couldn't tell you because it'd be a secret.
Woody Boyd: Boy, I can trust you.
Sam Malone: [Sam has come down a ladder, as they are trying to find which room in the Gaines mansion belongs to Kelly] Good news, Woody!
Woody Boyd: Alright! You finally found Kelly's bedroom?
Sam Malone: No, I just met the cutest little chambermaid. She was making popcorn. You want some?
Woody Boyd: Sam, how can you think of popcorn when my life and happiness are at stake?
Sam Malone: [Sam pulls the popcorn out of his jacket and offers it to Woody] It's cheddar.
Woody Boyd: Oo, gimme.
Woody Boyd: [Hiding in Kelly's closet, and finding a surprise] Wow! What are all these Barbie legs doing in here?
Kelly Gaines: ...Sometimes I get mad.
Carla LeBec: No suds tonight, Norm. You are still our designated driver, remember?
Norm Peterson: I know that, you know that, but did you have to call every bar in town and tell them?
Woody Boyd: Kelly, I wanna say something. I'm not just gonna stand still while you run off to Europe. I love you Kelly, and I want to make you Ms Woodrow Tiberius Boyd.
Kelly Gaines: ...Tiberius?
Woody Boyd: [upset that she doesn't like his middle name, and counters with her own in retaliation] Susan!
Sam Malone: Kids, kids, calm down. Why is everybody making such a big fuss about their middle name?
Woody Boyd: What's yours, Sam?
Sam Malone: Hey, shut up!
Woody Boyd: Kelly, you mean everything in the world to me, and I want you to know that someday I'm going to give you back everything you've given up by marrying me.
Kelly Gaines: Oh Woody, I don't need all those things. I'd live in a coldwater flat in the seediest part of town to be with you.
Woody Boyd: Then have I got a surprise honeymoon suite for you.
Sam Malone: The point is that you should be sharing with each other how you feel-names don't matter. I'm not saying that you should get married, but...
Kelly Gaines: No no! Let's get married. Oh, that'll be a blast!
[Woody and Kelly embrace and begin to kiss passionately]
Sam Malone: Well, whether you get married or not, what's important is to share how you feel. How you feel about him, how he feels about you, how...
Kelly Gaines: Woody, I know he's your friend and all, but...
Woody Boyd: [in a direct 'I know what I want' tone of voice] Beat it, Sam.
Kelly Gaines: Oh, Woody. I kind of wish I didn't have to go all the way to Europe right now, what with us getting so close and everything. But Daddy really wants me to go and you know how he is.
Woody Boyd: [slightly exasperated] Do I ever.
Kelly Gaines: What's that supposed to mean?
Woody Boyd: Nothing. I just know how he is.
Kelly Gaines: What do you mean by "is"?
Woody Boyd: Well, he can be sort of... you know.
Kelly Gaines: What do you mean by "you know"?
Woody Boyd: Same thing as is.
Kelly Gaines: [getting mad] Hey! Are you putting down Daddy?
Woody Boyd: I'm not putting down Daddy.
Kelly Gaines: Don't call him Daddy. He's not your Daddy. He's my Daddy!
Woody Boyd: Well it's a good thing, because my Daddy doesn't treat me like a baby!
Kelly Gaines: [shocked] Woody Boyd, what an awful thing to say!
Woody Boyd: I'm sorry, Kelly. I take it back.
Kelly Gaines: [removing the 'Promise Ring' Woody gave her and putting it on the bar counter] Well you can take this back, too.
Woody Boyd: I can't take this back, I don't even have a receipt.
Kelly Gaines: [in a matter-of-fact tone of voice] Well then I guess you'll just have to find the person who has it, and give it back to them so they can return it and get credit.
Woody Boyd: [confused] What's that supposed to mean?
Kelly Gaines: You know what it means.
Woody Boyd: [still confused] No really, what does it mean?
Kelly Gaines: [leaving the bar] Stop it Woody, you can't make up now.
Woody Boyd: [still confused, and turning to the others] No really, can anybody tell me what it means?