Phoebe: You can't just pop in here from the future and play with people's lives because your big brother picked on you.
Chris: He picked on the WORLD, Phoebe.
Paige: [Leo and Piper are asleep on the couch and cannot be woken] What's wrong with them?
Chris: It's a long story.
Paige: I don't know. Why don't you give me the Cliffnotes version.
Paige: Come on Chris! You and Leo and Phoebe have all been acting weird since before the demon attacked. What's goin' on?
Chris: All right. I made a little wish.
Paige: You did what?
Chris: Two little wishes.
Paige: Oh great! It's not bad enough that I have to worry about Richard, now I have to worry about you too. What did you wish for?
Chris: For Leo to forgive me, which by the way was an accident.
Chris: For Piper and Leo to sleep together.
Paige: You! Oh my god. You're sick! What is wrong with you?
Paige: You're disghusting! You're some creepy registered sex offender from the future! Oh my god you're so gross!
Chris: I'm Piper and Leo's son!
Chris: They're my parents. I came back to save my family
Paige: You're serious...
Chris: Yea, only now I've got to save myself, because if my mom doesn't get pregnant in the next month, there is no me.
Paige: [sighs] This is all so wrong, and this has been such a long day.
Chris: I'm sorry, Phoebe, but I'm running out of time here. A guy's gotta survive. I wish for Piper and Leo to sleep together tonight.
Phoebe: I've been calling for you all week. Didn't you hear me?
Chris: For the first couple of days, yeah. Then I put you on "mute".
Phoebe: You're the one that split them up. And why did you split them up?
Chris: Leo had to become an Elder to make room for me as your Whitelighter. It was the only way I could protect Wyatt from turning evil.
Phoebe: You're unbelievable ! I mean, most kids who are the cause of their parents divorce actually feel guilty. And you're sitting here like it's part of your master plan !
Chris: I'm sensing some real issues there.
Phoebe: I feel so bad.
Chris: As well you should. If we don't do something soon, I can end up half fireman instead of half Whitelighter.
Piper Halliwell: What is this big emergency? Can't it wait an hour or... two?
Chris: No, it can't. There's a demon on the loose, a genie running amok, AND it took me two wishes to get here.
Jinny: You think these crystals can hold me?
[sticks her hand out and is zapped]
Paige: Nope. Not for long, that's why we're putting you back in your bottle.
Jinny: When I form my empire, the first thing I'm gonna do is rid the world of witches.
Paige: Oh yea? Well when you're back in your bottle, the first thing I'm gonna do is put you in the microwave. Haha! How do you like that?
[turns and leaves]
Piper Halliwell: [Phoebe appears as a blonde genie] You look ridiculous!
Phoebe: I feel ridiculous.
Piper Halliwell: Well, how am I supposed to get back to Greg now with this?
Phoebe: Is that all you care about? Would you look at me? I am trapped in pantaloons right now. Where is the mirror? Look. And why do I always get stuck with the wig?
Chris: Oracles, fortune tellers, soothsayers they all say the same thing : if Mum and Dad don't screw this month... I'm screwed.
Jinny: [about the demon Bosk] You cannot handle him. Nobody can. He has a flying carpet and an army of forty thieves.
Phoebe: Thirty-eight. I vanquished two.
Paige: Let me guess. He wanted a crew and a nice ride?
[Phoebe has just set a demon free from a genie's bottle]
Paige: What do you mean she didn't read the warning label?
[Under the influence of a spell, Leo is writing Chris a letter of apology]
Chris: Alright, alright, enough already ! You said you're sorry, let's just not go overboard.
Leo Wyatt: Okay, but after everything I've put you through, I feel like I owe it to you.
Chris: Honestly, a letter's not gonna mean a hell of a lot to me. I got plenty of them growing up.
[Large diamond earrings appear on Paige's earlobes.]
Phoebe: [to Jinny] Did you do that?
Jinny: No, but they are lovely. Who conjured them for you?
Paige: My boyfriend, Richard. He's been showering me with gifts all week.
Phoebe: I thought you were gonna talk to him about binding his powers?
Paige: I have... but every time I bring it up, I just get another present. Luxury problem, I know ! But still.