Eric Delko: Car's stolen.
Calleigh Duquesne: Based on...?
Eric Delko: Based on the screwdriver in the ignition.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: Five hundred dispos, we've never had a problem.
Detective Frank Tripp: You take the dope out of evidence, re-analyze it to make sure nobody pulled a switcheroo, and then cart it across town? We should just burn it at CSI.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: Remind me to order the industrial-sized incinerator next time.
Detective Frank Tripp: Dispo route's classified. Somebody was in on the secret.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: No such thing as a secret in Miami, Detective. Only useful information.
Detective Frank Tripp: You're not smart enough to put this thing together on your own. Who's your partner?
Paul Tomassi: I don't have one. My name is the only one on the company's paper.
Detective Frank Tripp: That's 'cause you're stupid.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: This cocaine did not come from Haiti.
Tim Speedle: Not unless Haiti's in the middle of our crime lab.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: They ask about your girlfriend?
Eric Delko: H, you know I don't have a girlfriend.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: No girlfriend this week?
Eric Delko: The girl I'm seeing... I'm glad she doesn't have a polygraph.
Paul Tomassi: Do you have any idea how much one of those costs?
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: About half as much as two.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: You guys couldn't find you ass with both hands.
Waiter: I didn't touch her
Calleigh Duquesne: You don't have to touch somebody to shoot them.
Calleigh Duquesne: So you're going to shave before you go to IAB?
Tim Speedle: It's a polygraph test, not a portrait.
Calleigh Duquesne: Well, you know, presentation is everything.
Polygraph Tester: [Doing a lie detector test on Calleigh] Is your name Calleigh Duquesne?
Calleigh Duquesne: [after Calleigh inhailed cocaine] Yes. And my nickname is 'Lambchop'. But only my dad calls me that!
Enrique Rayas: You're the investigator in the dispo case that resulted in two tragic deaths. You mind if I ask you a few questions for our viewers?
Detective Frank Tripp: Yeah.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: Hey, Jack. You miss being a real cop?
Jack Seeger: You're just full of them today, aren't you?
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: You have no idea!