Gil Grissom: [Grissom, Greg, and Sara investigate the death of two lovers] "For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo."
Greg Sanders: Found a condom wrapper.
Gil Grissom: So much for safe sex.
[Sara looks disturbed]
Detective Vartann: Homicide called you guys over an hour ago. 4-19 at the Tangiers. No one's responded. Not even the coroner... Both shifts are tapped.
Conrad Ecklie: Did you check
Detective Vartann: [interrupts] I checked the board. No one's available
Detective Vartann: except for you.
Conrad Ecklie: I'm the Assistant Lab Director.
Detective Vartann: I know. But you're still qualified to process a scene, right?
Conrad Ecklie: Yes, I am.
Conrad Ecklie: I'll dust off my kit. Meet you there.
Dr. Al Robbins: Interesting fact about cyanide - not everyone can smell it.
Sara Sidle: Right, it's a genetic quirk.
Dr. Al Robbins: Unfortunately, I don't have that ability.
David Hodges: [walks into the morgue] "The nose" has arrived.
Sara Sidle: Hodges has the genetic quirk?
David Hodges: It's a blessing and a curse.
[Catherine, Warrick and David work on a body on a crop circle]
Catherine Willows: The only pathway is from the paramedics. How'd he end up in the middle of the circle?
[David looks up at the sky]
David Phillips: I have an idea.
[Warrick looks up]
David Phillips: I'll keep it to myself.
Nick Stokes: [enters the room] Crop circles?
Nick Stokes: Come on, Super Dave. Wasn't the alien autopsy embarrassing enough?
David Phillips: Given the circumstances, alien was not an unreasonable conclusion at the time.
Nick Stokes: You need to get a girlfriend.
David Phillips: I'm engaged, but thank you.
Conrad Ecklie: I was just thinking, David, I've lost my keys, sunglasses, even a wallet.
David Phillips: Sir, this really isn't my fault.
Conrad Ecklie: But I've never lost a body.
David Phillips: I didn't do anything.
Conrad Ecklie: Find him, Phillips, or this goes on your record.
David Phillips: What would you like me to do?
Conrad Ecklie: Get out! Get out! Out!
Detective Vartann: What are we expecting to find here?
Dr. Al Robbins: Someone went to a lot of trouble to steal James Billmeyer, maybe there's a clue in his personal effects.
Detective Vartann: So you're a CSI now?
Dr. Al Robbins: If I were, I would have printed the cooler.
Detective Vartann: Two pairs of socks, two pairs of underwear, two T-shirts. That tells me the guy was going to be staying in Vegas for two days.
Dr. Al Robbins: Your powers of deduction are remarkable, detective.
Detective Vartann: Thank you.
Gil Grissom: And this must be Mr. Billmeyer. I'm so glad he's back.
Conrad Ecklie: Very funny.
Gil Grissom: You might want to have Hodges analyze that cigar. Oh, and the print tech is free. He could, ah, spray the party hat with ninhydrin.
Conrad Ecklie: I think I remember how to do my job, Gil, thank you.
Gil Grissom: I love it when you wear your gloves.
Neil Jansen: [walks into the room] Am I interrupting?
David Hodges: Actually, yeah. Conrad was about to pat me on the back.
Greg Sanders: I found this toilet behind my apartment complex. It's volunteered for an experiment.
Sara Sidle: It's moving.
Greg Sanders: Ah, a sex journal. Lists of girls, dates and sexual activies.
Sara Sidle: Boys and their conquests.
Greg Sanders: I've never even heard of some of these.
Sara Sidle: [Surprised] Really?
Greg Sanders: Never mind.
Mia Dickerson: So, I'm thinking that Trip put a trophy condom on his neighbors door and then transferred a trace of his reproductive material back onto his own doorknob.
Sara Sidle: You've uh, you've heard of trophy condoms?
Mia Dickerson: Sara, I went to college.
Catherine Willows: I thought you said you were a dork in high school.
Warrick Brown: I was a dork... I still am a dork. But I had dimples. I got a little action.
Catherine Willows: I don't doubt that.
Greg Sanders: Hey Grissom, when you went to college did you live in the dorms?
Gil Grissom: Surely, you jest.
Sara Sidle: You know they say a BA is worth a million dollars of extra income over your life.
Gil Grissom: Yeah but the present value of college tuition is about the same amount.
Greg Sanders: So you're saying college isn't worth the expense?
Gil Grissom: I guess it depends on what you learn.
Sara Sidle: [after a toilet explodes in a college dorm] Well, there's got to be some logical explanation.
Greg Sanders: Well, if dorm food is as bad as I can remember, we should consider explosive diarrhea.