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"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" Pangs (TV Episode 1999) Poster

(TV Series)

(1999)

Quotes

Buffy: Will, you know how bad I feel about this. Okay? It's eating me up-

[to Anya]

Buffy: A quarter cup of brandy and let it simmer.

[to Willow]

Buffy: But even though it's hard, we have to end this. Yes, he's been wronged, and I personally would be ready to apologize, but I...

Spike: Oh, someone put a stake in me.

Xander: You got a lot of volunteers in here.

Spike: I just can't take all this mamby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians.

Willow: Uh, the preferred term is...

Spike: You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what Caesar did, and he's not goin' around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.

Buffy: Well, I think the Spaniards actually did a lot of - Not that I don't like Spaniards.

Spike: Listen to you. How you gonna fight anyone with that attitude?

Willow: We don't wanna fight anyone.

Buffy: I just wanna have Thanksgiving.

Spike: Heh heh. Yeah... Good luck.

Willow: Well, if we could talk to him...

Spike: You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick.

Xander: Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but, some of that made sense.

[Ghost Indian transforms into a large bear while fighting Buffy]

Spike: A bear! You made a bear!

Buffy: I didn't mean to.

Spike: Undo it! Undo it!

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Spike: I'm saying that Spike had a little trip to the vet, and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore.

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[Buffy didn't know Angel was there]

Willow: But, at least we all worked together and it was like old times.

Xander: Yeah, especially with Angel being here and everything.

[everyone stares at him for a long time]

Xander: Oops.

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Buffy: We don't say 'Indian.'

Giles: Oh, oh, right! Yes, yes. Um, always behind on the terms. Still trying not to refer to you lot as 'bloody colonials.'

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[Spike asks Buffy to invite him into Giles house to get out of the sunlight]

Spike: Come on. I-I'm parboiling out here.

Buffy: [Giles hands Buffy a stake] Want me to make it quicker?

Spike: [pitifully] Invite me in!

Buffy: No.

Giles: Fairly unlikely.

Spike: [Spike tries running in and is knocked back] Oh, damn it! Look, I'm safe. I can't bite anyone. Willow, tell 'em what I did.

Willow: Y-You said you were gonna kill me, then Buffy.

Spike: Yes, bad, but let's skip that part and get to the part where I couldn't bite you.

Willow: It's true. He had trouble performing.

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Anya: I love a ritual sacrifice.

Buffy: Not really a one of those.

Anya: To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice. With pie.

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Xander: Hey, can we come rocketing back to the part about me and my new syphilis?

Anya: It'll make you blind and insane, but it won't kill you. The smallpox will.

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Willow: Buffy, earlier you agreed with me about Thanksgiving. It's a sham. It's all about death

Buffy: It *is* a sham. But it's a sham with yams. It's a yam sham.

Willow: You're not gonna jokey-rhyme your way out of this one.

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Buffy: And the thing is, I like my evil like I like my men - evil. You know, "straight up, black hat, tied to the train tracks, soon my electro-ray will destroy Metropolis," bad. Not all mixed up with guilt and the destruction of an indigenous culture.

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Willow: Angel? I saw him too.

Giles: That's not terribly stealthy of him.

Willow: I think he's lost his edge.

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Angel: My friend had a vision. Buffy's in danger.

Willow: So tell her. Help her.

Angel: If she sees me, it'll be worse.

Willow: See, I don't get that, all this "leaving for her own good" garbage. Because that's what it is. You can't just give up because there's obstacles. What kind...

Angel: [Interrupting her tirade] Willow.

Willow: Sorry. My stuff.

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Giles: So, what do you think?

Angel: [about Buffy] She sounds good. Kind of intense about this thanksgiving thing.

Giles: I think perhaps she's a little lonely, but I meant about the murder.

Angel: Whatever killed the woman in the museum, that's probably the danger.

Giles: Yeah, well, this danger, your friend has some ominous vision about Buffy. It's all terribly vague. I mean, there are other things happening on this campus.

Angel: Well, maybe I'm wrong, but I gotta try something. I can't just keep watching.

Giles: I'm glad that you're watching out for her, but I feel I should remind you that she's not helpless and it's not your job to keep her safe.

Angel: It's not yours anymore, either. Are you going to walk away?

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Willow: But you have whipped cream. I saw it Giles's fridge.

Buffy: But that's whipped cream in a canister. Look, it's only right if you whip it yourself.

Willow: Hey, and then later, we can churn our own butter and make sweaters out of sheep.

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Xander: So what do we do now?

Willow: Well, we could stay here and stand watch, or, I just thought...

[Angel steps out of the dark next to them]

Angel: Willow.

Xander: [frightened] Angel?

Anya: [Anya runs her eyes coolly up and down Angel] So this is Angel. He's large and glowery, isn't he?

Xander: He's evil again.

Angel: I-I'm-I'm not evil again! Why does everyone think that?

Willow: Angel's here to protect Buffy.

Angel: I haven't been evil for a long time!

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[watching Xander dig]

Anya: Soon he'll be sweating. I'm imagining having sex with him again.

Buffy: Imaginary Xander is quite the machine.

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Buffy: Wasn't exactly a perfect Thanksgiving.

Xander: I don't know, seemed kind of right to me. A bunch of anticipation, a big fight, and now we're all sleepy.

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Willow: [Thinking of possible murder scenarios] Maybe an ear-harvesting demon that - it's, like, building another demon completely out of ears. Or... Ooh. Thought. We're just assuming someone else cut off the ear. What if it was self-inflicted, like van Gogh?

Buffy: So... She brutally stabs herself, dumped the body, then cut off her own ear?

Willow: No. She cut off her ear, then killed herself, then dumped the body - I'm really off my game, aren't I?

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Buffy: I still need to pick up a few things, so I'll check in. And keep your hands off the food.

Giles: Oh, I'll try and restrain myself from eating uncooked potatoes and cranberries.

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Angel: Willow, I'm here to protect Buffy. I don't have a whole lot of time for personal stuff.

Willow: Right. Well, how can I help?

Angel: Well, if you can just tell me...

[Looking out the window. He sees Buffy and Riley chatting]

Angel: Who's that guy?

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Xander: [about their meeting with the dean] I think he thought we were crazy.

Willow: Maybe if Anya hadn't opened the conversation with, "Everybody got both ears?"

Anya: I liked his wife. She gave me pie.

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Xander: I hate this guy.

Willow: He's just doing what was done to him.

Xander: I didn't give him syphilis!

Giles: No, but you freed his spirit, and after a century of unrest he saw you as one of his oppressors.

Xander: What, so he rises up and infects the first guy he sees? That's no fair.

Willow: Like you've never woken up cranky.

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Giles: Well, that's good, but this is why I think we should all keep a level head in this.

Willow: And I happen to think mine is the level head and yours is the one things would roll off of.

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[Angel saves the lives of Willow and Anya by snapping a villain's neck]

Anya: [admiringly, to Willow] What's he like when he *is* evil?

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Willow: [about the old Sunnydale Mission that was found] Doesn't it make you wonder what else is there, like, right under our feet?

Buffy: Mostly, I've just found sewers full of demons.

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Buffy: We need to boil those and put them through the ricer.

Giles: I don't think I have a ricer.

Buffy: [Freaking out] You don't have a ricer? What do you mean? How could someone not have a ricer?

Giles: Well, do you have one at home?

Buffy: I don't know. What's a ricer?

Giles: We'll mash them with forks, much like the pilgrims must have.

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Spike: You know what happens to vampires who don't get to feed?

Buffy: I always wondered that. Giles, plates.

Spike: Living skeletons, mate. Like famine pictures from those dusty countries, only not half as funny.

Buffy: You can have gravy. That has blood in it, right?

Spike: Do you know what else has blood in it? Blood.

Buffy: Do I have to gag you?

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Spike: [Riddled with arrows] Remember that conquering nation thing? Forget it. Apologize.

Buffy: Shut up, Spike.

Spike: Fine, I'll do it myself.

[Yelling]

Spike: Hey, sorry. Sorry about that, chief.

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Spike: Oh, lay off. You all had a fine meal. But me... An entire siege. You'd think one of you would bleed a little.

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Xander: [Arriving At Giles'] Happy thanksgiving.

Giles: Xander. You look like death.

Willow: Are you ok?

Buffy: You didn't bring rolls?

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Anya: I inflicted a lot of putrefying diseases on men when I was an avenging demon, and you look like you're getting all of them.

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Willow: Sarcasm accomplishes nothing, Giles.

Giles: It's sort of an end in itself.

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Buffy: First Thanksgiving on my own, and we all got through it.

Xander: And you know what? I think my syphilis is clearin' right up.

Buffy: And they say romance is dead. Or maybe they just wish it.

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Willow: The coroner's office said she was missing an ear, so I'm thinking maybe we're looking for a witch. There's some great spells that work much better with an ear in the mix.

Buffy: That's one fun little hobby you've got there, Will.

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Hus: You can't stop me.

Buffy: You're very wrong about that.

Hus: I am vengeance. I am my people's cry. They call for Hus, for the avenging spirit to carve out justice.

Buffy: They tell you to start an ear collection?

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Willow: [Deciding who should warn the dean] I'll go. I need the air.

Buffy: Not alone.

Anya: I'll go.

Xander: Me, too.

Buffy: Sure you're up to it?

Spike: Oh, leave that one. He looks like he's ready to drop any minute, and I think I can eat someone if he's already dead.

Xander: [Getting up] I'm up to it.

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Giles: Buffy, Xander's in real danger. Are you sure the solution is pie?

Buffy: Over bickering and confusion, I'll take pie. We will find a solution. And we will have a nice dinner, ok? Both. End of story. I'm having thanksgiving, and it'll be perfect.

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Willow: [about Hus] Are you sure we shouldn't be helping him?

Giles: No, I think perhaps we won't help the angry spirit with his rape and pillage and murder.

Willow: Well, ok, no, but we should be helping him redress his wrongs. Bring the atrocities to light

Giles: If the history books are full of them, I'd say they already are.

Willow: Giving his land back.

Giles: It's not exactly ours to give.

Willow: I don't think you wanna help. I think you just wanna slay the demon, then go - La la la

Giles: And I think your sympathy for his plight has blinded you to certain urgent facts. We have to stop this thing.

Willow: Ok, unfeeling guy.

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Buffy: [about Willow buying frozen peas into of fresh ones] They're gonna be mushy.

Willow: They won't be mushy.

Giles: [Chiming in] I like mushy peas.

Buffy: You're the reason we had to have pilgrims in the first place.

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Giles: [Angel watching over Buffy in secret] It's not fair. You know that's what she'd say. You can see her, but she can't see you.

Angel: Believe me, I'm not getting the good half of this deal. To be on the outside looking in at what I can't... Well, I'd forgotten how bad it feels.

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Xander: You're a strange girlfriend.

Anya: I'm a girlfriend?

Xander: Um... there's a chance I'm delirious.

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Anya: [about Xander] Look at him. Have you ever seen anything so masculine?

Buffy: You mean Dean Guerrero or his wife?

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Willow: Maybe there's a wiccan spell that can cure it. Something regular medicine doesn't know. Ooh, there was a potion.

[She looks through a book and pulls out a piece of paper and begins reading]

Willow: Sage, salt... Onion?

Buffy: That's the stuffing

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Anya: [At the stove stirring a pot] Uh, how much butter goes in with these?

Buffy: About half a stick and a quarter cup of brandy.

[to Giles]

Buffy: You do have brandy, don't you?

Giles: [Distracted] What? Oh, yes. Um, on the bookcase

Spike: I wouldn't say no to a brandy.

Buffy: [Ignoring Spike, talking to Giles] What's wrong?

Giles: The victims. Apart from Xander, Hus has targeted authority figures. Father Gabriel, the curator of the cultural center. Who else fits this pattern?

Spike: Just a small brandy.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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