Dawn: [excited] Oh my God. You will never believe what happened at school today.
Buffy: Everybody started singing and dancing?
Dawn: [pauses, deflating] I gave birth to a pterodactyl.
Anya: Oh my God, did it sing?
Sweet: [singing] What a lot of fun, you guys have been real swell. And there's not a one who can say this ended well. All those secrets you've been concealin', say you're happy now. Once more with feeling. Now I gotta run. See you all in hell.
Anya: [singing] Except for bunnies.
Xander: [singing] It could be witches. Some evil witches...
[Willow and Tara glare at him]
Xander: Which is ridiculous, 'cause witches, they were persecuted, Wicca good and love the earth and women power and I'll be over here.
Buffy: A world of no. So any idea what's causing this?
Spike: Oh. So that's all. You just come to pump me for information?
Buffy: What else would I wanna pump you for? I really just said that, didn't I?
Spike: Don't be a stupid git. There is no...
Giles: If I want your opinion, Spike, I'll... I'll never want your opinion.
Spike: [stops Buffy in mid-dance - sings] Life's not a song. Life isn't bliss, life is just this. It's living. You'll get along. The pain that you feel can only heal by living. You have to go on living. So one of us is living.
Xander: Does this mean that I have to... be your queen?
Sweet: It's tempting. But I think we'll waive that clause just this once.
[Tara sees some guys checking her out]
Tara: Oh my god. I'm cured. I want the boys.
Anya: Will you still make me waffles when we're married?
Xander: No, I'll only make them for myself. But, by California law, you will own half of 'em.
Buffy: [singing] There was no pain, no fear, no doubt, till they pulled me out of heaven. So that's my refrain. I live in hell 'cause I've been expelled from heaven. I think I was in heaven. So give me something to sing about. Please give me something.
Buffy: Hey I've died twice.
Dawn: The hardest thing in this world, is to live in it.
Anya: [singing] Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes. They got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses. And what's with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? Bunnies. Bunnies. It must be bunnies!
[everyone stares at her incredulously]
Anya: Or maybe midgets.
Buffy: I'm just worried this whole session's gonna turn into some training montage from an eighties movie.
Giles: Well, if we hear any inspirational power chords, we'll just lie down until they go away.
Spike: [sings] Let me rest in peace, let me get some sleep. Let me take my love and bury it in a hole six foot deep. I can lay my body down but I can't find my sweet release. Let me rest in peace.
Buffy: [sings] Every single night the same arrangement. I go out and fight the fight. Still, I always feel this strange estrangement. Nothing here is real, nothing here is right. I've been making shows of trading blows, just hoping no one knows that I've been going through the motions, walking through the part. Nothing seems to penetrate
Buffy: my heart.
Xander: [singing] I've got a theory we should work this out.
Giles: [singing] Will this do a thing to change her?/Am I leaving Dawn in danger?/Is my slayer too far gone to care?
Xander: [singing] What if Buffy can't defeat it?
Anya: [singing] Beady Eyes is right, we're needed!
[Looks at Willow and Tara]
Anya: Or we could just sit around and glare.
[the gang all get up and make for the door]
Buffy: Well, I'm not exactly quaking in my stylish yet affordable boots, but there's definitely something unnatural going on here. And that doesn't usually lead to hugs and puppies.
[after Buffy is ordered by Giles to deal with a singing demon on her own]
Spike: Forget them slayer, I got your back.
Buffy: Thought you wanted me to stay away from you. Isn't that what you sang?
Xander: Spike sing a "widdle" song?
Anya: Would you say it was a breakaway pop hit, or more of a book number?
Xander: Let it go sweetie.
Spike: You should go back inside. Finish the big group sing. Get your kumbaya-yas out.
Buffy: I don't want to.
Spike: The day you suss out what you do want, there'll probably be a parade. Seventy-six bloody trombones.
Xander: Somebody set people on fire? That's nuts.
Anya: I don't know. One more verse of our little ditty and I would have been looking for a gas can.
Giles: Clearly, emotions are running high. But, uh, as far as I can tell, these people burnt up from the inside; spontaneously combusted. I've only seen the one. I was able to examine the body while the police were taking witness arias.
Sweet: [singing] I can bring whole cities to ruin, and still have time to get a soft-shoe in.
Spike: [sings] The torch I bear is scorching me. Buffy's laughing, I've no doubt. I hope she fries! I'm free if that bitch dies! I'd better help her out!
Tara: [singing to Willow in their bedroom] The moon to the tide, I can feel you inside. I'm under your spell.
[lies down on the bed]
Tara: Surging like the sea,
[Willow leans over her, smiling]
Tara: pulled to you so helplessly. I break with every swell.
[Willow moves downward, under Tara's waist line]
Tara: Lost in ecstasy. Spread beneath my Willow tree. You make me complete!
[her body slowly levitates and hovers over the bed]
Tara: You make me complete. You make me complete. You make me...
Buffy: These endless days are finally ending in a blaze.
Xander: [after the group finishes singing "I've got a Theory"] See, okay, that was disturbing.
Anya: Uh, Dawn may have had the wrong idea in summoning this creature, but... I've seen some of these underworld child bride deals and, and they never end well.
Anya: Well, maybe once.
Buffy: You got a name?
Sweet: I've got a hundred.
Buffy: Well, I ought to know what to call you if you're gonna be my brother-in-law.
Dawn: [Signing] Where do we go... from here?
Giles: [singing] The battle's done/And we kind of won
[all join hands]
[all release hands and walk off in different directions]
Giles: [singing] Tell me!
Spike: [In the middle of singing "appear" he suddenly stops and speaks] Bugger this.
Buffy: [to Buffy] What did you sing about?
Buffy: [pauses] I don't remember. But i-it seemed perfectly normal.
Xander: But disturbing. And not the natural order of things, and do you think it'll happen again?
Giles: I don't know. I should look into it.
Willow: With the books.
Tara: Do we have any books on this?
Xander: Well, we just gotta break it down. Look at the factors before it happens again. Because I for one...
Giles: [Giles begins to sing, interrupting Xander] I've got a theory/That it's a demon/A dancing demon! No, something isn't right there.
Dawn Summers: You're never gonna believe what just happened in school today!
Anya: Everybody started singing and dancing?
Dawn Summers: [disappointed] I gave birth to a pterodactyl.
Anya: Oh my god. Was it singing?
Parking Ticket Woman: [singing] I've been having a bad bad day. Come on, won't you put that pad away? I'm asking you please no. It isn't right, it isn't fair. There was no parking anywhere. I think that hydrant wasn't there. Why can't you let it go? I think I've paid more than my share. I'm just a poor girl, don't you care? Hey, I'm not wearing underwear!
Xander: Will our lives become too stressful if I'm never that successful?
Anya: When I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley?
Anya: Clearly our number is a retro-pastiche that's never going to be a break-away pop hit.
Xander: [singing] You're the cutest of the Scoobies/ With your lips as red as rubies/ And your firm yet supple... tight embrace.
Tara: Tha-that's right! The-the volume. The text.
Giles: What text?
Willow: The volumey text. You know? The-the mmummrfugh report.
Xander: The what now?
Tara: Oh, there's just a few volumes back at the house that deal with mystical chants, bacchanals... It might be relevant.
Willow: Yeah, we could, um...
Giles: Well, I'm a hair's breadth from investigating bunnies at the moment, so I'm open to anything.
Willow: Great, we'll, uh, go check it out and uh, we'll give you a call.
Tara: Yeah, this could blow the whole thing wide open.
Buffy: [Slightly awkward] Uh, so, did anybody... uh... last night, you know, did anybody, um... burst into song?
Xander: [Everyone is quiet for a second, before Xander calls out, relieved] Merciful Zeus!
Willow: We thought it was just us!
Dawn: [singing] What I mean/I'm fifteen/So this queen thing's illegal.
Giles: That would explain the huge backing orchestra I couldn't see and the synchronized dancing from the room service chaps.
Buffy: [singing while fighting monsters] Will I stay this way forever? Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor?
Handsome Young Man: [singing, after Buffy frees him] How can I repay...
Anya: [about her duet with Xander, "I'll Never Tell"] It's just, clearly our number is a retro pastiche that's never going to be a breakaway pop hit.