Buffy: Does it ever get easy?
Giles: You mean life?
Buffy: Yeah, does it get easy?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes. It's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies and... everybody lives happily ever after.
Xander Harris: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with deadboy on this one.
Angel: Could you not call me that?
Angel: These people don't know anything about vampires: What they are, how they live, how they dress...
[a guy cuts through them dressed exactly like Angel]
Buffy: It'd be simpler if I could just hate him. I think he wanted me to. I think it made it easier for him to be the villain of the piece. Really he was just scared.
Giles: Yes, I suppose he was.
Buffy: Nothing's ever simple anymore. I'm constantly trying to work it out. Who to love or hate. Who to trust. It's just, like, the more I know, the more confused I get.
Giles: I believe that's called growing up.
Buffy: I'd like to stop then, okay?
Ford: I'm sorry, Summers. Did I screw up your righteous anger riff? Does the nest of tumors liquefying my brain kinda spoil the fun?
Buffy: I'm sorry. I had no idea. But what you're doing is still very wrong.
Ford: Okay, well, you try vomiting for twenty-four hours straight because the pain in your head is so intense, and then we'll discuss the concept of right and wrong. These people are sheep. They're wanna be vampires 'cause they're lonely, miserable or bored. I don't have a choice.
Buffy: You have a choice. You don't have a good choice, but you have a choice. You're opting for mass murder here, and nothing you say is gonna make that okay.
Ford: You think I need to justify myself to you?
Buffy: I think this is all part of your little fantasy drama. Isn't this exactly how you imagined it? You tell me how you've suffered and I feel sorry for you. Well, I do feel sorry for you, and if those vampires come in here and start feeding, I'll kill you myself.
Ford: You know what, Summers? I really did miss you.
Cordelia Chase: I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie-Antoinette. I can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and people just don't appreciate that kind of effort. And I know the peasants were all depressed...
Xander Harris: I think you mean *Oppressed*.
Cordelia Chase: Whatever. They were cranky. So they're like, 'Let's lose some heads.' Uh. That's fair. And Marie-Antoinette cared about them. She was gonna let them have cake.
Willow Rosenberg: [turns around and finds Angel gone] See, you made him do that thing where he's gone.
Willow Rosenberg: Sore thumbs. Do they stick out? I mean, have you ever seen a thumb and gone 'wow, that baby is sore'?
Xander Harris: You have too many thoughts.
Ford: I wanna be like you. A vampire.
Spike: I've known you for two minutes and I can't stand you. I don't really feature you living forever.
Spike: Can I eat him now, love?
Buffy: What I see is that, right after the sun goes down, Spike and all of his friends are gonna be pigging out at the All-You-Can-Eat Moron Bar.
Jarrad Paul played Diego (formerly Marvin): Okay, that's it. I think we should gag her.
Buffy: I think you should try.
Jarrad Paul played Diego (formerly Marvin): She's an unbeliever. She taints us.
Buffy: I am trying to save you! You are playing in some serious traffic here! Do you understand that? You're going to die!
Angel: I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. Drusilla was the worst. She was an obsession of mine. She was pure, and sweet, and chaste.
Buffy: And you made her a vampire.
Angel: First I made her insane. I killed everybody she loved, visited every mental torture on her I could devise. She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day she took her Holy Orders, I turned her into a demon.
Drusilla: [to a dead bird] I'll give you a seed if you sing.
Spike: The bird's dead, Dru. You left it in a cage, and you didn't feed it, and now it's all dead, just like the last one.
Buffy: This is not the mother ship, people. This is ugly dead come to play.
[Buffy is threatening to kill Drusilla]
Buffy: Now, you let everybody out or your girlfriend fits in an ashtray.
Ford: You can't touch me, Summers. I know all your darkest secrets.
Xander Harris: Care to make a small wager on that?
Willow Rosenberg: Uh, Angel? If I say something you really don't wanna hear, do you promise not to bite me?
Angel: Are you gonna tell me that I'm jealous?
Willow Rosenberg: Well, you do sometimes get that way.
Angel: You know, I never used to. Things used to be pretty simple. A hundred years, just hanging out, feelin' guilty... I really honed my brooding skills. Then she comes along. Yeah, I get jealous. But I know people. And my gut tells me this is a wrong guy.
[when told that vampires are known as the Lonely Ones]
Xander Harris: Oh, we usually call them "the nasty, pointy, bitey ones".
[on the balcony outside Willow's bedroom]
Angel: Unless you invite me, I can't come in.
Buffy: Well, I've got a news flash for you, brain trust. That's not how it works. You die, and a demon sets up shop in your old house, and it walks, and it talks, and it remembers your life, but it's not you.
Ford: It's better than nothing.
Buffy: And your life is nothing? Ford, these people don't deserve to die.
Ford: Well, neither do I. But apparently no one took that into consideration, 'cause I'm still dying.
Angel: Some lies are necessary...
Buffy: For what?
Angel: Sometimes the truth is worse... You live long enough you find that out...
Ford: [walks up behind Buffy, who has just slain a vamp] What's going on?
Buffy: Um, uh... there was a-a cat. A cat here. And um, uh, then there was a-another cat. And they fought. The cats. And... then they left.
Ford: Oh. I thought you were just slaying a vampire.
Buffy: What? What-ing a what?