Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series)

Helpless (1999)

Sarah Michelle Gellar: Buffy Summers

Photos 

Quotes 

• Angel : Um, am I gonna see you this weekend? You, uh, you-you probably have plans.

  Buffy Summers : Right, birthday. Um... actually, I-I do have a thing.

  Angel : Oh, a thing? A date?

  Buffy Summers : Nice attempt at casual. Actually, I do have a date. Older man. Very handsome. Likes it when I call him Daddy.

  Angel : Huh, your father. It is your father, right?

• [last lines] 

  [unable to open a jar of peanut butter] 

  Buffy Summers : Just feel better when I get my strength back.

  Xander Harris : Give ya a hand with that, little lady?

  Buffy Summers : [passes Xander jar]  You're loving this far too much.

  Xander Harris : Admit it. Sometimes you just need a big strong man.

  [can't undo lid, screen fades to black] 

  Xander Harris : Uh, Wil, give me a hand with that?

• Angel : I saw you before you became the Slayer.

  Buffy Summers : What?

  Angel : I watched you, and I saw you called. It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked down the steps... and, um, and I loved you.

  Buffy Summers : Why?

  Angel : 'Cause I could see your heart... You held it before you for everyone to see. And I worried that it would be bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe... to warm it with my own.

  Buffy Summers : [hugs Angel]  That's beautiful... Or taken literally, incredibly gross.

  Angel : I was just thinking that, too.

• Xander Harris : You know, maybe we're on the wrong track with the whole spell, curse and whammy thing. Maybe what we should be looking for is something like, um... Slayer Kryptonite.

  Oz : Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills.

  Xander Harris : You're assuming I meant the green Kryptonite. I was referring, of course, to the red Kryptonite, which drains Superman of his powers.

  Oz : Wrong. The gold Kryptonite's the power-sucker. The red Kryptonite mutates Superman into some sort of weird...

  Buffy Summers : Guys...? Reality.

• [Buffy has learned that Giles has robbed her of her powers for a Council test] 

  Rupert Giles : You have to listen to me. Because I've told you this, the test is invalidated. You will be safe now, I promise you. Now, whatever I have to do to deal with Kralik... and to win back your trust...

  Buffy Summers : You stuck a needle in me. You poisoned me.

  Cordelia Chase : [enters]  What's going on? Oh, God. Is the world ending? I have to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending, I'm not gonna bother.

  Rupert Giles : [as Buffy starts to leave]  You can't walk home alone, Buffy. It isn't safe.

  Buffy Summers : I don't know you.

  Cordelia Chase : [to Giles]  Did something take her memory?

  [to Buffy] 

  Cordelia Chase : He's Giles. Gi-els. He hangs out here a lot.

  Buffy Summers : Cordelia, could you please drive me home?

  Cordelia Chase : Of course.

  [to Giles] 

  Cordelia Chase : But if the world doesn't end, I'm gonna need a note.

• Rupert Giles : This one?

  Buffy Summers : Amethyst.

  Rupert Giles : Used for?

  Buffy Summers : Breath mints?

  Rupert Giles : Charm bags, money spells... and for cleansing one's aura.

  Buffy Summers : Okay, so how do you know if one's aura's dirty? Somebody come by with a finger and write "Wash Me" on it?

• Quentin Travers : Congratulations again.

  Buffy Summers : Bite me!

  Quentin Travers : Yes, well... colorful girl.

• Buffy Summers : Wow, that was really funny-lookin'. Could you do it again?

  Vampire : I'll kill you for that.

  Buffy Summers : For that? What were you trying to kill me for before?

• Xander Harris : We're still talkin' party, right? I mean, some of us still love to relish celebrating in the birth of the Buff. We're still talkin' party, right? I mean, some of us still love to relish celebrating in the birth of the Buff.

  Buffy Summers : Oh, no, no. I think it might be time to put a moratorium on parties in my honor. They tend to go badly. Monsters crash. People die.

• [first lines] 

  [Buffy and Angel are sparring, she straddles him and touches him with a stake] 

  Buffy Summers : Got ya.

  Angel : Right in the heart.

  Buffy Summers : Satisfied?

  Angel : I'm not sure that's the word.

  Buffy Summers : Okay...

  [gets off Angel] 

  Buffy Summers : I didn't mean satisfied like...

  Angel : No, I-I wasn't trying to...

  Buffy Summers : 'Cause we're not having satisfaction in the... personal sense.

• [after defeating a vampire] 

  Buffy Summers : If I was at full Slayer power, I'd be punning right about now.

• Xander Harris : An ice show? A show performed on ice. And how old are we again?

  Willow Rosenberg : I saw "Snoopy On Ice" when I was little. My dad took me backstage and I-I got so scared I threw up on Woodstock.

  Buffy Summers : Look, I know you guys think it's just a big, dumb, girly thing, but it's not. I mean, a lot of those skaters are Olympic medal winners. And every year my dad buys me cotton candy and one of those souvenir programs that has all the pictures. And, okay, it's a big dumb girlie thing, but I love it.

  Oz : It's not so girly. Ice is cool. It's water, but it's not.

  Willow Rosenberg : I think it's sweet you and your dad have a tradition. Especially now that he's not around so much. Ixnay on the caramel corn, though, if you're go backstage.

• Buffy Summers : You know, nothing's really going to change. The important thing is that I kept up my special birthday tradition of gut-wrenching misery and horror.

• Buffy Summers : I'm way off my game. My game's left the country. It's in Cuernavaca!

• Buffy Summers : So, how's it going with Amy the rat?

  Willow Rosenberg : Good! She loves her new exercise wheel. She runs around, her nose wiggles and...

  Buffy Summers : I-I meant, how's it going changing her back into a human being?

  Willow Rosenberg : Oh... Still working on it. But I just got her the cutest little bell, it's just...