Giles: Feel up to some training?
Buffy: Sure! We can work out after school, you know, if you're not too busy having sex with my *mother*!
[Buffy reads her mom's thoughts]
Buffy: You had sex with Giles? You had *sex* with Giles?
Joyce: It was the candy, we were teenagers.
Buffy: On the hood of a police car?
Joyce: I'll be downstairs. You feel better.
Xander: For a minute there, I thought you were gonna make an expression.
Oz: Well, I felt one comin' on. I won't lie.
Giles: Jonathan? How's he?
Buffy: Pretty crappy. His parents are freaking. He got suspended. And toting a piece to school, not exactly winning him a place with the in-crowd. But, I think he's dealing.
Giles: Well, it's good of you to check on him.
Buffy: Well, it's nice to be able to help someone in a non-slaying capacity. Except, he's starting to get that look, you know, like he's gonna ask me to Prom.
Giles: Well, it would probably be good for his self-esteem, if you...
Buffy: Oh come on. What am I, Saint Buffy? He's like three feet tall.
Angel: Buffy, careful with this gift. Lot of things that seem strong and good and powerful, they can be painful.
Buffy: Like, say, immortality?
Angel: Hm, exactly. I'm dyin' to get rid of that.
Angel: I'm a funny guy.
Buffy: I'm suddenly gonna grow this demon part, and we don't even know what it is. It could be claws or scales...
[Willow's eyes widen]
Willow Rosenberg: Was it a boy demon?
Willow Rosenberg: So, you're feeling better about Angel?
Buffy: Well, we talked, then, then he ripped out the heart of a demon and fed it to me, and-and then we talked some more.
Willow Rosenberg: See? That's how it should work.
Xander: You know, Oz, I look at all this beauty, all these healthy young women and I wonder why I ever wasted my time on Cordelia. I mean, look at her. She's no better lookin' than the rest of 'em.
Oz: None of them are really my...
Xander: Oh, my God! He's lookin' at her. He's got his filthy adult Pierce Brosnany eyes all over my Cordy.
Oz: You're a very complex man, aren't you?
[Buffy can hear everyone's thoughts]
Oz: [Thinking] I am my thoughts. If they exist in her, Buffy contains everything that is me, and she becomes me. I cease to exist.
Xander: [Thinking] What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time. Sex. Help. Four times five is thirty. Five times six is thirty-two. Naked girls. Naked women. Naked Buffy. Oh, stop me.
Buffy: God, Xander. Is that all you think about?
Xander: Actually... bye.
[Runs out of the room]
[reading Freddy's review]
Oz: "'Dingoes Ate My Baby' played their instruments as if they had plump Polish sausages taped to their fingers."
Freddy: Sorry, man.
Oz: No, that's fair.
Angel: You can't get into my mind.
Buffy: How did you...
Buffy: Why not?
Angel: It's like the mirror. The thoughts are there, but they create no reflection in you.
Willow Rosenberg: The school paper is edging on depressing, lately. Have you guys noticed that?
Oz: I don't know. I always go strait to the obits.
Cordelia Chase: Hi, Mr. Beech. I was just wondering, were you planning on killing a bunch of people tomorrow? Oh, it's for the yearbook.
Buffy: You know what, I was wrong. You are an idiot. My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle.
Willow Rosenberg: The school paper is edging on depressing lately. Have you guys noticed that?
Oz: I don't know, I always go straight to the obits.
Willow Rosenberg: So scabby Demon got away?
Buffy: Scabby Demon number two got away. Scabby Demon number one, big check in the 'slay' column.
Willow Rosenberg: I don't like this whole 'no mouth' thing. It's disquieting.
Buffy: Well, no mouth means no teeth - unless they have them somewhere else...