Spike: What's this? Sittin' around watching the telly while there's evil still afoot? It's not very industrious of you. I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What? Can't go without your Buffy, is that it? Too chicken? Let's find her. She is the chosen one, after all. Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let's annihilate them, for justice, and for... the safety of puppies... and Christmas, right? Let's fight that evil! Let's kill something! Oh, come on!
Xander: Think of the happy. If we don't find what we're lookin' for, we're facing an apocalypse.
Spike: [excitedly] Really! You're not just sayin' that?
Xander: I hate to break it to you, O Impotent One, but you're not the "Big Bad" anymore. You're not even the "Kind of Naughty". You're nothing but a waste of space. My space. And as much as I always got a big laugh watching Buffy kick your shiny, white bum, and as much as I know I can give you a little bum-kicking myself right now, I'm here to tell you something: You're not even worth it.
Spike: That's right! I'm back, and I'm a bloody animal!
[after Xander's basement leaks]
Spike: My soddin' sleepin' chair's bloody... sodden.
Riley Finn: What's a Slayer?
Forrest Gates: Slayer? A thrash band. Anvil-Heavy guitar rock with delusions of Black Sabbath.
Spike: [to Willow and Xander] *Buffy* fights the forces of evil. You're her groupies.
Buffy: I told you. I said end of the world. And you're like, "Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh."
Giles: I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse.
Willow: No, it can't be. We - we've done this already.
Giles: It's the end of the world. Everyone dies. It's rather important, really.
Willow: So what do we do?
Buffy: I stop it.
Buffy: I thought a professional demon chaser like yourself would've figured it out by now. I'm the Slayer. Slay-er. Chosen One. She-who-hangs-out-a-lot-in-cemeteries? You're kidding. Ask around. Look it up: "Slayer, comma the."
Willow: Well, Porter Dorm is completely blacked out. So, naturally they're dealing with the crisis the only way they know how: "Aftershock Party".
Buffy: Ah, this from the dorm that brought us the "Somebody Sneezed Party" and the "Day That Ends in 'Y' Party".
Buffy: [in reference to the mausoleums] Big, freaky, cereal boxes of death.
Xander: [Upon finding Spike trying to stake himself] We've shared a lot here. You should have trusted me enough to do it for you.
Xander: What? He wants to die, I wanna help...
Willow: It's ooky. We know him. We can't just let him poof himself.
Spike: Oh, but you can. You know I'd drain you drier than the Sahara if I had half a chance.
Giles: [reads] Slick like gall, and gird in moonlight, father of portents and brother to blight...
Buffy: [takes over reading] ... limbs with talons, eyes like knives. Bane to the blameless, theif of lives.
Forrest Gates: [explaining his theory about Demons to Riley] They're just animals, man. Plain and simple. Granted, a little rarer than the ones you grew up with on that little farm in Smallville.
[Demon breaks free and begins to choke him]
[after Percy calls her a nerd]
Willow: I mean, I know the Percy thing isn't really important, it's the dead guy on the bed.