Cory Matthews: [Cory has unintentionally painted green stripes on the white fence] You've been saying you wanna re-do the backyard.
Amy Matthews: Yeah, but now that I see it I'm not sure I want to go with this Zebra motif.
Cory Matthews: Well, nobody told me the paint was gonna go *through* the shutters.
Amy Matthews: Cory, when you open up the shutters in your room, does the sunlight go through?
Cory Matthews: Ya got me. I'm an idiot.
Alan Matthews: No, you're not an idiot. You're a kid.
Cory Matthews: I'm a kidiot.
Cory Matthews: Hi, Mom. Wow, dinner smells terrific, and that thing you're wearing is really lovely. What is that, a dress?
Amy Matthews: Oh, Cory, what a lovely and sincere compliment, and I know that you wouldn't spoil it by asking me for something.
Eric Matthews: Eerie how she always knows, huh?
Cory Matthews: What, do all women have antennas hidden somewhere on their bodies?
Eric Matthews: I don't know. None of them will let me look.
Cory Matthews: [Trying to convince his mother to buy him an expensive water gun] Say the living room bursts into flames.
Morgan Matthews: Why?
Cory Matthews: I don't know. Maybe lightning hit it.
Morgan Matthews: Why?
Cory Matthews: Because it was attracted by the metal plate in your head.
Cory Matthews: [to Amy] and you can't get out because your legs are broken. What will you do?
Morgan Matthews: Why are her legs broken?
Cory Matthews: Because she tripped over your dead body.
Morgan Matthews: [sitting on the kitchen counter on the phone with 911] I'm stuck here. My parents are outside fighting.
Morgan Matthews: Hold on, let me check. Mommy! What's our address?
Mr. George Feeny: [from outside] You're drowning my florabundas!
Morgan Matthews: They just shot the neighbor!
Amy Matthews: [Amy and Alan are standing at the kitchen sink. Amy holds the hose attachment. The water is coming out of it very slowly] See? I'm not getting any kind of pressure here.
Alan Matthews: You had to have a house.
[He walks towards the drawer to get his wrench]
Alan Matthews: Remember the apartment? Remember before the children? Before we were married? Before we knew each other?
[He smiles at Amy]
Alan Matthews: Remember how happy we were?
[Alan goes under the sink and after a moment Amy kicks him and exits the room]
Alan Matthews: Ooh! Ow! You remember when you knew when I was kidding?
Cory Matthews: So, are you cutting your flowers?
Mr. George Feeny: I am pruning my prized eglanteria floribundas - a fragile hybrid that I have meticulously cultivated over the past few seasons.
Cory Matthews: Well, for a small fee, I can hack off the rest of that dead stuff.
Mr. George Feeny: You stay away from my roses!
Cory Matthews: Uh, you know, Mr. Feeny, I was thinking. Autumn's here, and winter's just around the corner.
Mr. George Feeny: That's typically the pattern.
Cory Matthews: And if you give me fifty bucks now, I'll shovel your snow all winter.
Mr. George Feeny: Payment in advance? For a task linked to factors as unpredictable as the weather? Hardly seems fair.
Cory Matthews: Come on, Mr. Feeny, have some pity. I've been out of work for eleven years.
Mr. George Feeny: Well, I do have some shutters that are in dire need of paint.
Cory Matthews: Cool. What's it pay?
Mr. George Feeny: Well, I could go as high as, oh, five.
Cory Matthews: Dollars? Get a pulse! Five bucks to paint all those?
Mr. George Feeny: Five dollars apiece, Mr. Matthews. That's five times two shutters times eight windows.
Cory Matthews: Five times two... times eight. What's that, like, Fifty-eight bucks?
Mr. George Feeny: Fifty-eight dollars it is.
[He shakes Cory's hand]
Mr. George Feeny: You are worth every inch of that C-plus I gave you in math.
[Eric is standing in front of the counter, wearing an apron; Morgan is sitting on the counter, tying his apron]
Morgan Matthews: One bunny ear... goes around the other bunny ear.
Eric Matthews: Will you just tie the bow? I'm late for the market. Dad's going to kill me!
Morgan Matthews: I don't know how to tie a bow.
Eric Matthews: [turns around, annoyed] So, why did you tell me you did?
Morgan Matthews: [happily] 'Cause I'm self-confident.
Cory Matthews: Say you could pick any superhero to be your dad. Who would you choose?
Ellis: Batman, no question. Live in a cool cave, borrow the Batmobile.
Shawn Hunter: He lets Robin hang out with him and play with all his stuff. And Robin's not even his real kid. He's his ward.
Ellis: How do you get to be a ward?
Cory Matthews: Batman? Is he faster than a speeding bullet? I don't think so. Is he more powerful than a locomotive?
[wiggles his finger]
Cory Matthews: Uh-uh. I'd want Superman.
Shawn Hunter: Sees through walls. You'd never get away with anything.
Ellis: Because I'd make somebody a very cool ward.
Cory Matthews: I'd like to have Superman for a dad.
Cory Matthews: You kids and your water wars. I'd love to join you, but I'm having way too much fun here.
Shawn Hunter: You're bailing on the water war?
Ellis: To paint a fence?
Cory Matthews: You say paint a fence, I say par-ty. And by the way, even if you wanted to, I wouldn't cut you in on this action.
Shawn Hunter: Why not? I thought we were friends.
Ellis: Yeah, how come you're cutting us out?
Stuart Minkus: People, people, am I the only one who read the summer reading list?
[pauses when nobody answers]
Stuart Minkus: Tom Sawyer?
Stuart Minkus: He's sucking you in to do the work for him.
[Ellis points his water gun at Cory]
Cory Matthews: [referring to Minkus' yellow Paddington Bear rainsuit] Guys, who are you gonna listen to, me or the banana?
Shawn Hunter: Well, let's see. The banana says play. You say work. We're gonna hang with the big yellow guy.