Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: There's a new white man out here! He's refined. For example, did you know that the new white man loves gourmet cheese?
Huey Freeman: Wait, I'm sorry. Did you say "cheese"?
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Yup, cheese. You give the meanest white man a piece of cheese and he turn into Mr. Rogers.
Huey Freeman: Granddad, that doesn't make sense.
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Don't you talk back to me, boy!
Huey Freeman: Granddad, you can't tame the white supremacist power structure with cheese!
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Oh, yes I can!
Huey Freeman: No, you can't!
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Yes, I can!
Huey Freeman: No, you can not!
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Y'all need to start appreciating your Grandaddy! I went and spent your inheritance on this beautiful house in this neighborhood! And all I ask you to do is act like you got some class...
Riley Freeman: [whispers to Huey] Ay, what's "class"?
Huey Freeman: It means don't act like niggas.
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: See! That's what I'm talking about right there! We don't use the N-word in this house!
Huey Freeman: Granddad, you said the word "nigga" 46 times yesterday. I counted.
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Nigga, hush!
Huey Freeman: [at a party full of white people] Excuse me. Everyone, I have a brief announcement to make. Jesus was black, Ronald Reagan was the devil, and the government is lying about 9/11. Thank you for your time and good night.
[the white people riot]
Rich Woman: It can't be true!
[Granddad smacks Huey on the head; he was dreaming]
Huey Freeman: Ow!
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Mm-hmm. You were havin' that dream where you made the white people riot again, weren't you?
Huey Freeman: But I was tellin' the truth!
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: How many times have I told you you bet' not even dream of tellin' white folk the truth? You understand me? Shoot... makin' white people riot. You better learn how to lie like me. I'm gonna find me a white man and lie to him right now.
Riley Freeman: Are you sure that vest will stop this shotgun?
Ed Wuncler III: Man, I'm like the Terminator in this vest.
[guzzles an entire beer and burps]
Ed Wuncler III: What, you don't believe me? Go 'head! Pull the trigger!
Riley Freeman: Now, are you sure that...
Ed Wuncler III: I said pull the trigger NOW!
Riley Freeman: You wanna play rough? OK. Say hello to my little friend.
[Riley fires; Ed is shot out the window and lands in the crowd outside]
Ed Wuncler III: The fuck y'all lookin' at?
[rich crowd applauds]
Granddad: Nigga, if you ruin this party for me, I'll put my...
Huey: Ruin the party? They love me. These people aren't worried about us. They're not worried about anything. They're rich. No matter what happens, these people just keep applauding.
Uncle Ruckus: Attention please. Attention please. My name is Uncle Ruckus, no relation. I want to sing y'all a brand new song I just wrote called "Don't Trust Them New Niggers Over There". Sing along if you know the words.
Uncle Ruckus: Don't trust them new niggers over there / Leaving they nigger essence in the air / Them happy, nappy head niggers / With they finger on the trigger / Don't trust them new niggers over there / Don't trust them big nostrils over yonder / They suck up so much air it'll make you wonder / Don't them new niggers / With they spidey little nigger figures / Don't trust them new niggers over there.
[falls off stage]
Rich Woman: I think the N-word is OK as long as they say it.
Civil Rights Protester: This nigga went to get a motherfuckin' raincoat!
Young Grandad: We all been watching the same news. The police been doing this fire hoses thing all week. I just assumed we'd all wear our raincoats.
Civil Rights Protester: I can't believe you!
Civil Rights Protester: Dammit, Robert, who the hell shows up to a march in a raincoat?
Young Grandad: Bet you wish you had your raincoat right now!
Civil Rights Protester: You son of a - !
[grabs him and pushes him against a wall]
Young Grandad: Remember what Dr. King says!
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: [to Ed Wuncler] Well, come in, sir. Welcome to *your* house.
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: I mean, I happen to think a man looks nice with good hair and a ponytail. But no, I'm not gay.
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: [looking at the boys' BB gun] This damn thing looks real!
[the gun goes off and shoots Riley]
Riley Freeman: Owww! Son of a - ! Granddad shot me! Granddad tried to 'sassinate me!
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: [after drinking orange juice] Ahhh, a full day's supply of Vitamin C!
Ed Wuncler: The only joy I get from these parties is standing around telling mean-spirited jokes at other people's expense.
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: I do that, too!
Ed Wuncler: [points out a guy] Check out that guy. Why is his face all twisted up like that? He looks like he jacks off with Icy Hot. He looks like he just shit a gerbil.
[they both laugh]
Huey: Granddad, I do not sip tea with the enemy. You could force me to go. But you can not force me to be someone I'm not.
Granddad: The hell I can't! You gonna go and you not gonna embarrass me in front of my new neighbors or I'm gonna beat yo' ass!
Riley: Why can't we be ourselves, huh? Why can't I be me? Are you ashamed of us?
Huey: And all I'm saying is, Ronald Reagan was the devil.
Rich Man: You are such an articulate young man.
Huey: I'm trying to explain to you that Ronald Reagan was the devil! Ronald Wilson Reagan? Each of his names have six letters? 666? Man, doesn't that offend you?
Rich Man: I love this kid!
[rich crowd smiles and applauds]
Huey: Hey, what are you doing? Stop that!
Huey Freeman: I'm tryin' to explain to you that Ronald Reagan was the devil. Ronald Wilson Reagan? Each of his names has six letters? 6-6-6? Man, doesn't that offend you?