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"The Boondocks" A Date with the Health Inspector (TV Episode 2005) Poster

Quotes

Gin Rummy: I always say the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.

Riley: What?

Gin Rummy: Simply because you don't have evidence that something does exist does not mean you have evidence of something that doesn't exist.

Riley: What?

Gin Rummy: What country are you from?

Riley: What?

Gin Rummy: 'What' ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in 'What'?

Riley: What?

Gin Rummy: English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?

Riley: Yeah.

Gin Rummy: So you understand the words I'm saying to you!

Riley: Yeah.

Gin Rummy: Well, what I'm saying is that there are known knowns and that there are known unknowns. But there are also unknown unknowns; things we don't know that we don't know.

Riley: What?

Gin Rummy: Say what again! Say what again! I dare you! I double dare you, motherfucker! Say what one more time!

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Gin Rummy: I'll be dead on his ass like "Spencer for fuckin' Hire". I'll hunt him down and feed him his testicles, *and* I'll do it in a jiffy. And I don't care if his momma there, his grandmomma, innocent bystanders, little kids, baby sitters, bill collectors, whatever. I'll leave his whole block filled with hot brass if I have to, and you know why? 'Cause *I JUST DON'T GIVE A FUCK!* You guys sure you don't want any breakfast? I have English muffins and peach jelly.

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Riley: So y'all was in Iraq together?

Gin Rummy: Yeah, we was in Iraq.

Riley: What did you do?

Gin Rummy: We was lookin' for weapons of mass destruction.

Riley: Did you ever find 'em?

Gin Rummy: You know goddamn well we ain't find them! What are you? Some kind of political humorist? You Garry Trudeau up in this bitch?

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Ed Wuncler III: The fuck y'all lookin' at?

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Gin Rummy: I ain't think that they'd actually shoot back at us.

Huey Freeman: Well of course they're shooting back at us! You're robbing their store!

Gin Rummy: You can't assume that people are going to shoot back at you. It was an unknown unknown.

Huey Freeman: Need I remind you that this has nothing to do with our original plan?

Gin Rummy: Damn it, Huey! Robbery etiquette says you can't criticize a robbery plan during the actual robbery. You have to wait till the robbery's over.

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Ed Wuncler III: Look! He got a weapon!

Gin Rummy: Whoa, wait a minute now. Put the gun down.

Store Owner: Gun? What gun? I'm not holding gun. Guys, it's me. Ed, your father helped me build this store.

Gin Rummy: I don't know you, motherfucker! Now, put down the weapon! Put it down!

Store Owner: There is no weapon! Look!

Gin Rummy: Drop the weapon!

Officer Frank: I... I don't see a weapon!

Huey Freeman: There is no weapon! They're robbin' the store!

Store Owner: I am not holding a weapon! I am not holding a weapon!

Gin Rummy: Officer, this motherfucker's got a gun pointed at you! Do you wanna die?

Officer Frank: What?

Gin Rummy: Do you want to die?

Officer Frank: I... I don't want to die!

Huey Freeman: He does not have a gun!

Gin Rummy: He does have a gun, officer, trust me! The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence!

Officer Frank: I don't see a gun!

Ed Wuncler III: Man, fuck this shit! Who's side are you on? Mine, or this motherfucker who's obviously of terrorist descent?

Officer Frank: Wait... I think I can see the gun now.

Gin Rummy: Good! Now we all see the weapon! Now you hand over that weapon on the count of three, or I swear to almighty God, I'll blow your fucking head off! One!

Store Owner: I can't give you a weapon I'm not holding! You're thinking of the Korean store, North of here!

Gin Rummy: Two!

Officer Frank: Is he... still holding it?

Huey Freeman: He is not holding a weapon!

Gin Rummy: Time's up!

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Gin Rummy: Ain't nobody seen nothin'.

Huey Freeman: I know who did the killing! I've known for twenty minutes. Guy's name is Terrell Jackson; he's been bragging about it all day. Everybody knows. He lives five minutes away. I've got MapQuest directions right here.

Ed Wuncler III: How'd you find all this out?

Huey Freeman: We talked to people!

Riley: [holds up a drawing] I got a picture.

Gin Rummy: Where you get that?

Riley: I drew it from the description of the dude that they gave us while y'all was whuppin' niggas asses in the street. I almost had time to color it.

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Old Bitch: [to Tom, who's driving slowly on the highway] You drive like an old bitch!

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Homeland Security Chief: ...And so, we're raising the Terror Alert Level to intense orange-red, based on very credible, detailed information on a non-specific threat. Could it be a hijacking? Absolutely possible. Chemical or biological agent? You bet it could happen. Suicide bomber? Hey, you never know. But what we do know is that it's absolutely, positively gonna happen today... maybe.

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Tom Dubois: Earliest I could get out would be on Monday.

Huey Freeman: Well, it's just the weekend.

Tom Dubois: It only takes one night to get anally raped! Huey, the only way for me to get out of here is if you find to the real killer tonight.

Huey Freeman: The real killer? Nigga, I'm 10! How am I gonna find the real killer?

Tom Dubois: Please! You've gotta try!

Huey Freeman: All right, all right, all right. Damn.

Tom Dubois: [sobbing] Thank you, Huey. Whatever you do, don't tell my baby Jazmine! I don't know want her to know her daddy was somebody's biiiiiiiiiitch!

Jazmine Dubois: Was that Daddy? Where is he? Is he OK? Was he kidnapped by terrorists?

Huey Freeman: Um, your father wants you to know he's nobody's bitch.

[Jazmine sobs hysterically]

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Huey Freeman: Well, this is the apartment building where it all happened. Maybe someone saw something.

Ed Wuncler III: Oh, somebody saw somethin' all right.

Huey Freeman: Hey, slow down. We gotta be tactful.

Ed Wuncler III: Tactful? What that mean?

Gin Rummy: He talkin' about diplomacy.

[cocks gun]

Gin Rummy: I don't do diplomacy.

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Gin Rummy: I want you to know that you are not going to die... in vain.

Officer Frank: I don't think I'm dyin'.

Gin Rummy: Oh. Well, I want you to know you wasn't mortally wounded in vain.

Officer Frank: Actually, I think I'm gonna make it.

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Sarah Dubois: Tom, did you erase all my mp3s?

Tom Dubois: Hey, file sharing is a crime. And I'm not gonna be anally raped so you can listen to Usher.

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Tom Dubois: Huey, I got arrested! They say I fit the description. I think it's 'cause I'm black, Huey. You have to get me outta here, Huey! You don't wanna know what they'll do to me in jail!

Huey Freeman: They'll rape you. That's what they're gonna do. But you're not in jail. You're in holding and I don't think people usually get raped in holding. Hold on.

[calls out]

Huey Freeman: Granddad! Do people get raped in holding?

[Jazmine sobs hysterically]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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