- Father Charles Clement Duddleswell: Whoever heard of a Protestant with a name like Driscoll?
- Pinkerton: Could have been a convert.
- Father Charles Clement Duddleswell: Yeah, ya'd as soon convert a cock into a hen.
- Father Charles Clement Duddleswell: Look, eat your doughnut, lad, will you, while I tell you something about corpses.
- Father Charles Clement Duddleswell: Fellow by the name of Driscoll. Now, I want some information about him.
- Dr Daley: [gesturing for a drink] I'm yours, Charles, if you can afford me.
- Father Charles Clement Duddleswell: There's no liquor about this morning, Donald. The tides have gone out.
- Dr Daley: Another drink?
- Father Charles Clement Duddleswell: No.
- Dr Daley: You know, sometimes, Charles, I think if you were a hen you'd lay hardboiled eggs.
- Father Charles Clement Duddleswell: [to the funeral director] Are you very busy these days, Freddie?
- Freddie Williams: Oh, much the same as usual, Father, I'm afraid. Not many laughs.
- Father Charles Clement Duddleswell: [at the service] You be comin' on the boat trip afterwards with us?
- Father Neil Boyd: No, Father.
- Father Charles Clement Duddleswell: Well, now, don't say I didn't ask ya before I made ya.
- Freddie Williams: Well, I'll be off home to my Doris, now. If I'm late, she'll tell the neighbors I've drowned; when I turn up she'll blame me for ruining her story.