Edit

(TV Series)

(1986)

Quotes

Simon Partridge: [as Queen Elizabeth emerges from the closet] Whoa, another stripper.

Geoffrey Piddle: [as Lord Whiteadder also appears] And a male stripper!

Monk: Oh yes, this is much more like it!

[removes The Queen's cloak, revealing her identity]

Simon Partridge: And she's come dressed as the queen.

Geoffrey Piddle: Sexy!

Queen Elizabeth: [indignant] Do you know who I am?

Blackadder: [entering] Yes. I know who you are.

Geoffrey Piddle: Who?

Blackadder: You're Merlin, the Happy Pig.

Queen Elizabeth: Wrong, I'm afraid. I am the Queen of England.

[they all kneel]

Queen Elizabeth: I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman. But I have the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant.

Simon Partridge: Prove it!

Queen Elizabeth: [playfully] Certainly will.

[picks up a large mug of beer]

Queen Elizabeth: First I'm going to have a little drinkie, and then I'm going to execute the whole bally lot of you.

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Blackadder: Baldrick! Why have you got a piece of cheese tied to the end of your nose?

Baldrick: To catch mice my lord. I lie on the floor with my mouth open and hope they scurry in.

Blackadder: And do they?

Baldrick: Not yet my lord.

Blackadder: That's right, your breath comes straight from Satan's bottom.

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Blackadder: Baldrick, get the door.

[there is a crash and Baldrick enters with the door]

Blackadder: Now, Baldrick, I advise you to make whatever explanation you are about to give exceptionally good.

Baldrick: You said get the door.

Blackadder: Not good enough, you're fired.

Baldrick: But, my Lord, I've been in your family since 1532.

Blackadder: So has syphilis. Now get out.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[Edmund is trying to impress his puritan relatives]

Blackadder: This is a house of simple purity.

Monk: [Runs in and vomits in fireplace] Great booze-up, Edmund.

Lady Whiteadder: Do you know that man?

Blackadder: No.

Lady Whiteadder: He called you Edmund

Blackadder: Oh, know him? Yes, I do.

Lady Whiteadder: Then can you explain what he meant by "great booze-up"?

Blackadder: [very long pause] Yes, I can. My friend is a missionary and on his last visit abroad brought back with him the chief of a famous tribe. His name is Great Boo. He's been suffering from sleeping sickness and he's obviously just woken because as you've heard, Great Boo's up.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Blackadder: Uggh, the devil farts in my face once again...

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Simon Partridge: [drunk] Large one?

[waves feather extravagantly]

Simon Partridge: Sounds pretty *rude*, doesn't it?

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Blackadder: They have one great redeeming feature: their wallets. More capacious than an elephant's scrotum and just as difficult to get your hands on.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Blackadder: So, Baldrick, when I call for my incredibly strong ale, I want you to pass me water. Understand?

Baldrick: Yes, m'lord. When you ask for ale, I pass water.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Blackadder: Which reminds me, Auntie...

Lady Whiteadder: Don't call me "Auntie." Aunt is a relative and relatives are evidence of sex. Which is hardly a fitting conversation for the dinner table.

Blackadder: Or indeed, any table.

Lord Percy: Except perhaps a table in a brothel.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Lady Whiteadder: Cold is God's way of telling us to burn more Catholics.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[Elizabeth has coerced Blackadder into having a drinking party that night. He is trying to get it postponed a day because his rich Puritan relatives will be visiting]

Queen Elizabeth: I know why you want to get out of it, because I remember the last time you had a party. I found you face-down in a puddle, wearing a pointy hat and singing a song about goblins.

Blackadder: Yes, all right! All right! Tonight it is!

Queen Elizabeth: Oh, Edmund... I do love it when you get cross. Sometimes I think about having you executed just to see the expression on your face.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Queen Elizabeth: [about Lord Melchett, who is drunk] He was banging on the castle gates and falling over, and singing a curious song about a girl who possessed something called... a dicky-dido?

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Lady Whiteadder: Chairs! You have chairs in your House?

Blackadder: Yes, well...

[she slaps him twice]

Lady Whiteadder: Wicked Child! Chairs are the work of Belezabub! At our house Nathaneal sits on a spike!

Blackadder: And yourself?

Lady Whiteadder: I sit on Nathaneal! Two spikes would be an extravagance.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Lady Whiteadder: [Edmund returns from the drinking contestant with a pair of fake breasts strapped on] You seem to be wearing a pair of Devil's Dumplings!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Blackadder: Well, it is said, Percy, that civilised man seeks out good and intelligent company, so that through learned discourse he may rise above the savage and closer to God.

Lord Percy: Yes, I heard that.

Blackadder: Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind me I'm best.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Blackadder: Well, it is said, Percy, that civilised man seeks out good and intelligent company, so that through learned discourse he may rise above the savage and closer to God.

Lord Percy: Yes, I've heard that.

Blackadder: Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind me I'm best.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

Contribute to This Page