- Jed Clampett: Granny, me and ol' Duke here is plumb tuckered out. We walked clean over to the golf pasture lookin' fer some game.
- Daisy Moses: What'd you git?
- Jed Clampett: We got mean-mouthed and stick-chased outta there.
- Daisy Moses: You mean you come home with nuthin', empty-handed?
- Jed Clampett: Well we did manage to find a few of them golf eggs.
- Daisy Moses: Throw 'em out, Jed. They just can't be cooked. I boiled 'em and poached 'em and fried 'em and they still come out gummy as an old boot.
- Jed Clampett: Well it looks like we is caught betwixt and between, Granny. Folks don't want me shootin' a gun and when I snare the game, Elly makes a pet out of it.
- Jane Hathaway: You're taking the Sea Witch tomorrow.
- Milburn Drysdale: I am not! You know she doesn't get along with the Clampetts.
- Jane Hathaway: Sea Witch is the boat you chartered.
- Milburn Drysdale: Oh, don't scare me like that.
- Elly May Clampett: It's a baby walrus. Ain't he cute, Pa? Can I take him home?
- Jed Clampett: Hadn't better, Elly. He'd remind Granny too much of Lafe Crick.
- Daisy Moses: [Jethro reels in a boot] Elly, fetch my pole, quick!
- Jed Clampett: What fer? This ain't nothin' but a boot.
- Daisy Moses: I know it. I wanna fish fer the other one. They're better'n the ones I'm wearin'.
- Daisy Moses: [Granny is trying to cook the fish trophy] When you gonna commence to tenderin' up, you wall-eyed ocean-goin' varmint?
- Jed Clampett: You cookin' that fish?
- Daisy Moses: I ain't givin' him a bath.
- Jed Clampett: He said he already been prepared by experts, somethin' or other...
- Daisy Moses: Taxi driver.
- Jed Clampett: That sounds like it, yeah.
- Daisy Moses: He better stick to drivin'' taxis. He don't know shucks about fish. I've been boilin' this rascal for 2 hours and he's still as tough as harness leather.
- Jed Clampett: I reckon it'd hurt Mr. Drysdale's feelin's considerable if he was to find out we didn't eat his fish.
- Jethro Bodine: But Uncle Jed, I purt near broke a tooth on that thing.
- Daisy Moses: If Jethro can't bite through it, nobody can.
- Jed Clampett: You know any good fishin' bridges, Jethro?
- Jethro Bodine: Only bridge I know goes over the Los Angeles river.
- Daisy Moses: Ain't nothin' like a river for catfish. Let's get goin'.
- Jethro Bodine: Wasn't much water in it last time we was there.
- Jed Clampett: Maybe the beavers had it dammed up.
- Elly May Clampett: If'n they still there, can I bring home a beaver?