- Jethro Bodine: But Uncle Jed ain't poor now, Granny. He got 25 million dollars.
- Daisy Moses: How long do you think its going to last if we throw it away on store-bought soap?
- Milburn Drysdale: I wanted to explain about this priceless chandelier. It was designed and made for Louis XV, hung in the Hall of Mirrors at Versailles. Napoleon Bonaparte planned campaigns by the light of that chandelier. Talleyrand used it, Wellington, Disraeli, Bismarck, Wilson
- Jed Clampett: Mr. Drysdale, we're just plain folk. We don't mind a few things being second hand.
- Jed Clampett: You ain't never seen my family home have you?
- Milburn Drysdale: No I haven't.
- Jed Clampett: It's a dandy.
- Milburn Drysdale: Yes those southern mansions are beautiful. I suppose it has the large white pillars.
- Jed Clampett: It did, but we brung 'em along and put 'em on the beds out here.
- Milburn Drysdale: No, you see, I was referring to wooden pillars.
- Jed Clampett: Oh, ain't never slept on one of them.
- Jethro Bodine: Granny says that all the men folks gotta stay outta the house while Elly May's takin' her bath.
- Jane Hathaway: But isn't Elly May bathing in the privacy of her own bedroom suite?
- Jed Clampett: [to Jethro] Hear what she call you? Sweet.
- Jane Hathaway: Jethro, have you been upstairs yet?
- Jethro Bodine: No Ma'am.
- Jane Hathaway: Then you have a surprise coming to you.
- Jethro Bodine: What is it?
- Jane Hathaway: Your suite.
- Jethro Bodine: So are you.
- Jane Hathaway: I hope you will forgive my momentary bewilderment at this primitive form of ablution, but please let me explain.
- Daisy Moses: First explain what you just said.
- Cousin Pearl Bodine: Uh oh, wouldn't ya know it. There's that snoopy Elverna Bradshaw and her big-mouth daughter settin' on my front porch. Oh, I could just hear the stories that'll start goin' around if they see me sittin' in this car with you. YOOHOO! ELVIRNA!
- [honks car horn]
- Cousin Pearl Bodine: IT'S ME, PEARL!