Jed Clampett: Whatcha doin'. boy?
Jethro Bodine: Learnin' this ol' hound dog to fetch sticks.
Jed Clampett: Seems to me you been at that about 10 years now.
Jethro Bodine: Yeah, I reckon he's just too dumb.
Jed Clampett: He's just too smart.
Jethro Bodine: Whatcha mean?
Jed Clampett: What do Duke want with sticks? He ain't no beaver.
Jethro Bodine: But other dogs fetch sticks.
Jed Clampett: That's their problem. Duke's got you to do it fer him.
Jed Clampett: Fixin' somethin' special for Lester and Earl, are you?
Daisy Moses: I'm startin' out with cow cud casserole.
Daisy Moses: After the casserole, I'm bringin' on a steamin' platter of tadpole turnovers.
Jed Clampett: Mmm mmm
Gladys Flatt: Not one man whistled at me all morning.
Lester Flatt: Who's gonna whistle at a woman with a sawed-off shotgun?
Earl Scruggs: Especially when her husband has a machine gun.
Homer Cratchit: Mr. Drysdale, there are two bandits...
Milburn Drysdale: Get back to your post, you craven coward! Stand shoulder to shoulder with your comrades.
Homer Cratchit: But Mr. Drysdale, they're all lying on the floor.
Milburn Drysdale: What's the guard doing?
Homer Cratchit: He was doing about thirty when he left.
Milburn Drysdale: Then fight alone. You capture those bandits and the entire reward is yours. 5 dollars in cash.
Homer Cratchit: Mr. Drysdale, they've got guns!
Milburn Drysdale: Alright, I'll make it $7.50.
Homer Cratchit: Mr. Drysdale, they're coming up the hall! They're heading right for this office!
Milburn Drysdale: They shall not pass! Stop them, Miss Hathaway.
Lester Flatt: [singing] Then a gang of killers come a roarin' into town/ A shootin' and a lootin' every bank for miles aroun'/ But when they reached the Commerce Bank, the killers turned tail/ Cause there like a bear stood Milburn Drysdale/ Super Banker that is/ Real nice fella/ Y'all keep them deposits comin', hear?