Batman: The Animated Series (TV Series)

The Worry Men (1993)

Kevin Conroy: Batman

Quotes 

• Batman : Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper?

  Alfred Pennyworth : This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it?

• Batman : You disappoint me, Tetch. For all your brilliance, you've become just another thief.

  The Mad Hatter : You make it sound so... common. Actually, Batman, you'll be happy to know you're witnessing my retirement from crime. You see, after my recent release from Arkham, I vowed to leave Gotham and my wicked ways behind me. Perhaps, buy a little island somewhere and open a sunbonnet shop. Oh, but islands, even little ones... cost money.

  [sobs] 

  The Mad Hatter : Lots of money... and then, I heard of Ms. Vreeland's well publicized trek into the rain forest. Yes, I realized at once she'd be the perfect unwitting partner in my scheme.

• Batman : Wait! These dolls... Where did you get them?

  Veronica Vreeland : From a craftsman at a small village. A funny little man in a giant straw hat.

  Batman : An Englishman?

  Veronica Vreeland : Why, yes!

  Batman : And he suggested giving the dolls to your society friends?

  Veronica Vreeland : What, are you psychic, too?

  Batman : Just picking up on the pattern.

• Bruce Wayne : There's someone new in town using Mayan tribal gimmicks in his crimes; blowguns, stone weapons.

  Alfred Pennyworth : [taking the worry men out of Bruce's pocket]  Voodoo dolls?

  Bruce Wayne : Oh, that's some party favor from Veronica's party. They're supposed to take away your worries while you sleep.

  Alfred Pennyworth : Imagine that. What some overworked souls won't do to get a good night's rest.

• The Mad Hatter : I can't take all the credit. I provided the microcircuitry, of course, but my good friend here supplied the dolls. Can you believe it? He was just an honest native craftsman until I changed his mind about helping me. Those others are riffraff culled out of various Gotham street gangs, gutter trash of no great importance. So, as this is my farewell to crime, I think I'll take a souvenir to mark the occasion.

  [as he moves to remove Batman's cowl, Batman kicks him away] 

  The Mad Hatter : No matter. I have a better way to remove that nasty old cowl.

  [he raises the blade of a guillotine] 

  Batman : Stop! You don't know what you're doing!

• Alfred Pennyworth : As you predicted, sir, the computer has identified this scrap of artificial fur as a type used in theatrical productions, which would make its most probable source of origin...

  Batman : The Great Eastern Costume Company. It's been closed for years, making it a perfect hideout for the Mad Hatter.

• Alfred Pennyworth : Sir, you have no idea how terrible I feel to have played a part in this.

  Batman : Neither you nor Veronica could have known that hidden within each doll was a tiny microchip designed to stimulate a sleeper's brain waves and make them susceptible to hypnotic suggestion.

  Alfred Pennyworth : Creating a radio receiver of sorts out of an entranced human mind?

  Batman : Exactly. And who knows how to warp the human mind better than Jervis Tetch, the Mad Hatter?

• Bruce Wayne : Tomorrow, this all goes back to the company, minus the cost of a plane ticket home for our kidnapped doll maker.

  Alfred Pennyworth : I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint.

  Bruce Wayne : When everything was said and done, all the shaman wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on.

  [as Tetch tosses and turns in bed at Arkham, a Batman worry man is revealed to be under his pillow] 

• Dana Blessing : I know it's your company, Mr. Wayne, but $20 million, man, that's a lot of money.

  Bruce Wayne : Yes, it is. What's your point?

  Dana Blessing : Well, I'd sure feel uncomfortable walking around with all that cash in a tiny, little briefcase.

  Bruce Wayne : Dana, I'm sorry. I'm not following this. What cash? What briefcase?

  Dana Blessing : The $20 million you told me to put in a briefcase for you.

  Bruce Wayne : You're not making any sense. The 20 million *I* told you to put in a briefcase?

  Dana Blessing : You called me from your car, gave me your account number, told me to transfer $20 million in cash, and I...

  [gasping as she sees the shaman swing by outside and take the briefcase] 

  Bruce Wayne : Hey! 20 million of my money in that case?

  Dana Blessing : I hope you're not going to take it out of my salary.

• Hayden Sloane : The securities business has been kind of rough lately. Lot of late hours, you know. It seems all I do is worry about how to get my company through one more day.

  Veronica Vreeland : Worries, Hayden? I have the cure for that.

  Hayden Sloane : [she shows him a worry man]  I'm a little old for dolls, don't you think?

  Veronica Vreeland : Not these dolls. They're worry men from Central America. Legends say you tell them your problems, then put them under your pillow at night. They'll do your worrying for you while you sleep. And when you wake up, poof! Your problems are gone.

  Bruce Wayne : Oh, come on, Ronnie. You're the last one I'd think would fall for some ancient tribal hoodoo.

  Veronica Vreeland : Don't be so smug, Brucie. When I was in the jungle, I saw some things you'd never believe.