Irving: Okay, okay!
[changes the channel]
Irving: You'll watch this quietly, or you go back to your cell.
The Joker: Jawohl!
Poison Ivy: [sulking] I don't care.
[Joker sidles up to her]
The Joker: You hold my hand, and I'll slug you.
Poison Ivy: GUARD!
The Joker: Just kidding, just kidding! Yeesh, Pammy, lighten up!
[Poison Ivy watches a gardening show, then the Joker strides in and changes the TV channel]
Poison Ivy: Hey! I was watching that!
The Joker: And now you're watching this.
Poison Ivy: Change it back!
The Joker: [goofy voice] Uh-huh, nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to.
[On entering the "Joker's Wild" casino]
The Joker: Jumpin' Jiminy Christmas! It's an homage to me! I'm kind of sorry I have to blow it up.
[while posing as a blackjack dealer]
The Joker: Try your luck, friend?
Bruce Wayne: Why not?
The Joker: Say, don't I know you...? Sure, Bruce Wayne! Ah, so this is how your family made all those billions.
[interviewing Kaiser about the "Joker's Wild" casino]
Summer Gleeson: Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's greatest outlaws?
Cameron Kaiser: Summer, please! The Joker is a classical symbol, long associated with cards and games. We can't help it if there's some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake...
[Joker hurls a potted plant into the television]
The Joker: How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on my image!
Dr. Pamela Isley: Now who should lighten up?
The Joker: Don't get cute with me, Red! He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah, I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too.
[Batman appears to save Kaiser]
The Joker: Why can't he ever stay dead?
Summer Gleeson: [on the news] And so it ended for *ex*-billionaire Cameron Kaiser, and the Joker...
The Joker: Bah! Enough of this rubbish!
[changes the channel]
Poison Ivy, Mad Hatter, Scarecrow: Hey! We were watching that!
[nervously, Joker changes it back]
The Joker: [muttering] Ah, you miserable wet tub of no-good losers, you make me sick...
[an enraged Joker has to be subdued by guards]
Poison Ivy: Oh, Joker... thanks for the smile.
[the Joker glares angrily at Ivy before he is bundled out of the rec room]
The Joker: Don't try this at home, kids!
[Joker lassoes a passing semi and gets pulled over the asylum fence]
[Kaiser makes his getaway in a helicopter, but his pilot acts very strangely... ]
Cameron Kaiser: What are you circling for, you fool?
The Joker: It was a scheme worthy of me, Kaiser...
The Joker: The way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place!
Cameron Kaiser: You? But... but you were supposed to destroy the casino!
The Joker: Yeah, but I thought it'd be even more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself!
Cameron Kaiser: But... but, you can't...!
The Joker: Oh, please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck!
Poison Ivy: GUARD!
Irving: What's the problem?
The Joker: Don't look now, Sunny Jim, but the plant lady's gone wackers again.
Poison Ivy: He started it! I was just sitting here!
The Joker: That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight...
Alfred Pennyworth: I didn't mind driving up here at a moment's notice to bring your outfit, and I was more than happy to dream up a plausible excuse for your date. But staying in this horrid place pushes even my tolerance.
Cameron Kaiser: [cutting the ribbon] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome, one and all... to Joker's Wild!
The Joker: Say *what*?
Summer Gleeson: Ugh, that's disgusting!
Cameraman: [whispering] Psst, Summer! We're on the air!
Summer Gleeson: Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the crowd. Mr. Wayne?
Bruce Wayne: [equally nauseated] No comment...
[the Joker knocks out Batman]
The Joker: Kind of slow on the reflexes, eh, Batsy? That car crash must have taken more out of you than I thought...
[an unconscious Batman awakens to find himself bound and trussed... ]
The Joker: Wakey, wakey! I thought you'd like to be conscious for your own demise. I really put some effort into this one...
[Batman looks around and finds himself on a giant colorful roulette wheel; even more colorful is the massive pile of explosives to which the wheel is connected]
The Joker: When I spin the wheel, you, the casino, and that strutting fool Kaiser will all be blown sky high! Not bad, eh?
Batman: You won't get Kaiser. He's been playing you for a patsy.
The Joker: Eh?
Batman: He's counting on you to blow this place up, so he can collect the insurance. By the time you get clear, Kaiser will be miles away, laughing at you.
The Joker: I hate it when you make sense!
[the Joker disarms the explosives and removes the connections to the wheel]
The Joker: I'll settle my score with Kaiser, man to clown. But that still doesn't let you off the hook!
[He starts up the roulette wheel and tosses a grenade into it]
The Joker: How 'bout that, Bats? Looks like your number's up!
The Joker: [hijacking a truck] Peekaboo! Sorry, no riders!
[throws the rider out]
[pushing a trolley filled with explosives through the kitchens]
The Joker: Coming through! Hot stuff!