- The Penguin: [the Penguin and his henchmen appear to br robbing an armoured car as Batman and Robin make their approach] What are you buttinskies doing here?
- Batman: Just a little scholary research, Penguin.
- The Penguin: [Batman and Robin begin fighting the Penguin's henchmen] Stop! Stop this outrageous intrusion!
- The Penguin: [the fighting continues] Cease I say! Cease and desist!
- The Penguin: [Batman and Robin finish fighting the henchmen] Stop, you bumbling buffoons! This is legal, I tell you! It's legal!
- Batman: Have you heard anything about legalized thievery, Robin?
- Robin: Can't say that I have, Batman.
- The Penguin: I'll wipe those silly smirks off your faces in court! I'll sue you for assault and battery, and aggravated interference!
- Batman: You're witnessing the final disintegration of the criminal brain, Robin. Years of outlawry has taken it's inevitable toll.
- Robin: But he's right about our being in court, Batman.
- [to the Penguin]
- Robin: We'll be the prosecution's star witnesses when they try you for armed robbery!
- The Penguin: [hits a button on his phone] Prop Department?
- Set Department: No, Mister Penguin. This is the Set Department.
- The Penguin: [hits another button] Prop Department?
- Publicity: Sorry, Mister Penguin. This is Publicity.
- The Penguin: [hits another button] Prop Department?
- [hits another]
- The Penguin: Prop Department?
- [another]
- The Penguin: PROP DEPARTMENT!
- Prop Department: Yes, Mister Penguin?
- The Penguin: I forgot what I wanted you for.
- Marsha, Queen of Diamonds: Does Batman have a love scene with the leading lady in your film?
- The Penguin: [laughs] Of course. Who ever heard about a film without a love scene?
- Marsha, Queen of Diamonds: Then I shall be your leading lady. Or no diamonds.
- Batman: I think someone connected with the the Gotham City film decency league should take a look at this script.
- Marsha, Queen of Diamonds: I trust you're going to enjoy this scene, Batman, darling.
- Batman: I made a bargain with Penguin and I never break my word.
- Marsha, Queen of Diamonds: Bargain? Why, half the men in the world would fight to be kissed by Marsha, Queen of Diamonds.
- Batman: They certainly wouldn't have to fight me.
- Marsha, Queen of Diamonds: Skip the compliments, darling. You wouldn't have asked me here if you didn't want something.
- The Penguin: Yes, I do want something. I want to make you a millionairess.
- Marsha, Queen of Diamonds: How boring, I'm already a millionairess.
- The Penguin: Heh heh heh! True. And how would you like to be a billionairess?
- Marsha, Queen of Diamonds: [perks up] That's interesting.
- Narrator: [narrating] The Caped Crusaders to end smashed flat? While Pengy's cameras record the splat? Et tu, Pengy? Friends, Romans, countrymen, find out next week! Same Bat-time, same Bat-Channel!