Narrator: [narrating] A sunny Wednesday morning in Gotham City. The sort of Wednesday that makes you wish it were Sunday.
Mrs. Cooper: Those two are so busy, I'll wager Batman and Robin don't get around as much as Bruce and Dick!
Alfred: I, eh, I rather doubt that, madam.
Commissioner Gordon: [attempting to locate the three heirs of Gotham's founding fathers] That leaves only Bruce Wayne.
Robin: I, eh, wonder where he is?
Batman: Unquestionably out doing something inconsequential with his youthful ward Dick Grayson. You know how those millionaire playboys are.
Egghead: Long ago my superior intellect deduced that Batman must be a person who was a millionaire and didn't have to work, because crimefighting is such an eggspensive hobby.
Miss Bacon: Which one is it, Eggy-baby?
Egghead: Please, please, Miss Bacon. All of you are approximately the right age, in your early thirties, but I have eliminated you, Mr. Tyler, because you are lefthanded. No, the Caped Crusader is not portsider, and you, Mr. Savage, are out because of your accent. So aside from a couple of aging rock-and-roll singers, you, Mr. Wayne, are the only Gotham city millionaire who is athletically inclined with eggsessive agility. Therefore, you must be Batman!
Chief O'Hara: [about Egghead] He's a tough egg, Batman, the smartest man in the world.
Robin: The second smartest man in the world.
Chief O'Hara: Present company excepted, of course.
Egghead: [chuckles wickedly] Eggscelent. I might even go as far as to say: eggsquisite.
Egghead: Well, I have great eggspectations for our relationship, Chief. I'll tell you what I'll give you as an added bonus: you may have the import eggsport concession for all genuine American Indian blankets made in Japan.
Chief Screaming Chicken: Oh, you are one heck of fine pale face.
Egghead: I for one am eggshausted. It's been a trying day and I must rest my fantastic brain for tonight.
Batman: [as he lays down, Batman & Robin enter] There'll be no rest for the wicked today, Egghead.
Robin: Boy, do you guys have egg on your faces!
Batman: All the king's horses and all the king's men won't be able to put you together again.
Miss Bacon: Oh, Batman, you're so lyrical.
Batman: You put all your eggs in one basket, Egghead, a fatal mistake.
Robin: Prepair yourself for an eggspeditious defeat.
Batman: That's very apt, Robin.
Robin: [pleased as punch] Oh, glad you liked it.
Tim Tyler: What do you want from me, Egghead? I am just a poor major league baseball-team-owner.
Miss Bacon: How 'bout season tickets? I love halfbacks.
Egghead: How eggsasperating.
Robin: Holy bill of rights! Maybe Egghead wants to start a war between the Gotham City citizens and the Indians!
Batman: I rather doubt it, Robin. There's only one Indian left, he'd be outnumbered ten million to one.
Robin: Holy semantics, Batman, you never cease to amaze me!
Batman: No time for compliments now, Robin. We must thwart some criminals. To the Batmobile!