Barney Miller (TV Series)
The Delegate (1980)
Hal Linden: Capt. Barney Miller
Photos
Quotes
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Capt. Barney Miller : You know, It's entirely possible that someone goes to a hockey game because he enjoys hockey - the speed, the action...
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Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : This is Richard Milford - Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. He was creating a disturbance at the bar of the Greenwich Hotel.
Richard Milford : I was just trying to get some service.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : He was hitting on a couple of hookers... When they wouldn't give him a tumble, he got belligerent.
Richard Milford : What's happening to this society? I mean, if a person has the money, why should they be able to say "no" ?
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : You didn't have the money?
Richard Milford : I said "if"...
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : This isn't the good part... The good part is that according to his credentials, Mr. Milford was a delegate to the Democratic Convention.
Richard Milford : I really should get back.
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : I hate to tell you this, but the convention has been over for months.
Richard Milford : Is that all?
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : Captain, he was a delegate to the 1976 convention.
Richard Milford : What, was there another one?
Capt. Barney Miller : You've been here since 1976?
Richard Milford : I believe so.
Capt. Barney Miller : Never went back to Harrisburg?
Richard Milford : Pennsylvania... No - I mean, what's back there anyway?... Except my wife and family - and I'm sure she had the baby by now.
Capt. Barney Miller : Have a seat, Mr. Milford; we are going to need some more information from you.
Richard Milford : I'll certainly try - but I have to admit that the last few years have been a bit unfocused.
Capt. Barney Miller : You do the best that you can.
Richard Milford : I'll certainly try... I was in the Pennsylvania delegation.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Yeah, I figured as much.
Richard Milford : Although I spent most of my time with Kim and Yoko, two alternates from Guam.
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Capt. Barney Miller : Any more on those robberies?
Det. Ron Harris : Just going through the files, trying to come up with a similar M.O... Barn, but there is nothing yet.
Capt. Barney Miller : It's just after two - maybe we'll be hearing from him soon.
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : I checked out Milford - he's clean, except for a missing persons report his wife filed in Harrisburg in '76. I called her; she's flying in.
Capt. Barney Miller : Oh.
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : Mr. Milford, your wife is coming down.
Richard Milford : Oh. Thank you.
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : You guys still going around in circles on those robberies?
Capt. Barney Miller : You have any thought on the subject?
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : I might... You want to hear? Well, say this guy has a job, gets off at 2 o'clock in afternoon, robs the place, then he goes home to his wife and kids like nothing happened - or maybe, uh... maybe he's into astrology or biorhythms, figures out this is the most favorable time to rob... or the whole thing could be a merry mix-up, this is how I got this job.
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Officer Carl Levitt : Sir?
Capt. Barney Miller : Yes, Levitt?
Officer Carl Levitt : Remember Officer Nash, who was up here earlier today?
Capt. Barney Miller : Yes.
Capt. Barney Miller : No, he wasn't.
Capt. Barney Miller : What?
Officer Carl Levitt : He doesn't exist.
Capt. Barney Miller : What are you talking about?
Officer Carl Levitt : I went to take a look at his permanent file, just to check and see if he had a prior history of overzealousness. He doesn't have a file.
Capt. Barney Miller : Well, it was probably lost in the transfers.
Officer Carl Levitt : Checked it out with personnel in Brooklyn. They never heard of him.
Capt. Barney Miller : There's got to be some explanation.
Officer Carl Levitt : ...Thought of one yet?
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Det. Ron Harris : Yeah, we are on are way. Barn, another liquor store on Lexington. Patrol car is giving chase up Third
Capt. Barney Miller : Okay... Dietrich
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : Sure, rub my face in it
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Louis Nash : So, I'm gathering up the duplicate reports of the various departments, sorting out the closed cases, and then putting everything in a centralized file downstairs.
Louis Nash : Officer Levitt seems to be having a little difficulty locating your permanent file.
Louis Nash : It was probably just lost in transit.
Louis Nash : ...Nash, are you a police officer?
Louis Nash : I certainly consider myself one.
Capt. Barney Miller : But does the Department?
Louis Nash : Well, no, not officially. Is that a problem, sir ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Is that a problem? What are you doing here?
Louis Nash : Well, you see, sir, I retired two years ago.
Capt. Barney Miller : From the force?
Louis Nash : No, I was a CPA. Well, I always had a very keen interest in police work, and then I kept on reading about all the cutbacks and layoffs of police officers, and I happened to have a friend at a supply house.
Capt. Barney Miller : So, you just picked up a uniform, wandered in one day and started to work?
Louis Nash : It's been okay so far.
Capt. Barney Miller : Didn't anyone ever get suspicious, ask you any questions?
Louis Nash : No; they seem to appreciate the extra help... Is there something on your mind, sir?
Capt. Barney Miller : Nash, impersonating a police officer is a crime!
Louis Nash : Yes, but I wasn't doing it for personal gain.
Capt. Barney Miller : That's not the point... but it could constitute a danger to the public - a danger to yourself.
Louis Nash : Sir. Sir, You don't understand - my gun isn't loaded.
Capt. Barney Miller : I'm glad to hear that.
Louis Nash : And I never go out on police calls. I just stay downstairs, doing the paperwork and administrative bookkeeping, freeing officers for more important duties.
Capt. Barney Miller : That is not the point either.
Louis Nash : Was there something wrong with the manpower report?
Capt. Barney Miller : Manpower report is fine.
Louis Nash : Thank you.
Capt. Barney Miller : I do not seem to be getting through to you, Nash. This is a totally unacceptable situation - you can not continue wearing that uniform!
Louis Nash : Well, I didn't think plainclothes was even a possibility.
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Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Hey, uh, Nash? If you're goin' downstairs, you wanna file this release form?
Louis Nash : I would be very happy to.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Are you going to bring up the September burglary reports?
Louis Nash : I'm afraid I can't do that.
Capt. Barney Miller : Officer Nash is being transferred.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Oh... That's too bad.
Louis Nash : It happens. Listen - before I go, I just want to say what a pleasure it was to have worked, however briefly, with men of such high caliber.
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Louis Nash : Sergeant Dietrich, here are the burglary files you requested.
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : Oh, yeah - thanks, Nash.
Louis Nash : Captain, the precinct reports and manpower stats.
Capt. Barney Miller : Thank you.
Louis Nash : My pleasure.
Capt. Barney Miller : Do I know you?
Louis Nash : I guess we haven't been formally introduced. I am Officer Louis Nash; I came aboard last week.
Capt. Barney Miller : Good to have you with us, Nash.
Louis Nash : Thank you, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?
Capt. Barney Miller : No.
Louis Nash : Sir, I hope our age difference won't be a problem.
Capt. Barney Miller : I don't understand.
Louis Nash : Well, I just mean that sometimes when a subordinate is substantially older than his superior officer, the superior is often reticent about fully exercising their authority.
Capt. Barney Miller : I wouldn't worry about that, Nash.
Louis Nash : I'll try not to, sir. I guess I just can't help feeling a little embarrassed that after. all these years. I'm still a cop in uniform. while a young man such as yourself is already a captain.
Capt. Barney Miller : Those things happen.
Louis Nash : I'll be downstairs, in case you need anything.
Capt. Barney Miller : Fine.
Louis Nash : You bet, sir.
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Officer Carl Levitt : Sir?
Capt. Barney Miller : Yeah?
Officer Carl Levitt : I double-checked it with personnel, and then I checked out his badge number with downtown. No such number has ever been issued.
Capt. Barney Miller : Hmm. It looks like we have an imposter on our hands.
Officer Carl Levitt : Oh, really?... Oh... really, sir? Shall I bust him?
Capt. Barney Miller : No, send him up - tell him I want to see him.
Officer Carl Levitt : I understand, sir. You prefer the collar for yourself.
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Det. Ron Harris : Barn, this is Edmund Lasky, he stuck up a market at 26th and Lexington, patrol car caught up with him trying to get through the rear door at Lincoln Jail
Capt. Barney Miller : Lincoln Jail
Edmund Lasky : That's where I live.
Det. Ron Harris : You see, Mr. Lasky is serving a 15 month sentence for burglary, but he's also on a work release program. He gets out from 2 to 4 to attend classes at City College.
Edmund Lasky : I'm taking Computer Programming and Ethics
Capt. Barney Miller : Obviously, you missed a few sessions
Edmund Lasky : Well,It's tough juggling school and a career
Det. Ron Harris : You want to take a seat over here please
Edmund Lasky : Can we speed this up, I'm suppose to be back in my cell at 5
Det. Ron Harris : We'll do what we can.