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"Barney Miller" Stress Analyzer (1981)

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Phil Leeds and Florence Halop

7/10
Author: kevin olzak (kevinolzak@yahoo.com) from Youngstown, Ohio
16 August 2014

"Stress Analyzer" features James Cromwell (last of four) as Dr. Edmund Danworth, who puts Dietrich into a harness designed to gauge his reactions on duty, only for the entire squad room to panic when the machine goes dead. As it happens, he was squirted by a fire hose wielded by Wanda LaMear (Florence Halop, fifth of six), in the mistaken belief that her husband Brent (Phil Leeds, last of seven) was having an affair with neighbor Ms. Swallock (Ann Morgan Guilbert). Apparently, he and the 'flashy blonde' had never even met, despite her penchant for vacuuming in the nude ("it helps me on my diet!"). James Murtaugh (second of three) plays Peace Corps recruiter Vincent Bondell, arrested for causing a disturbance during Career Day at NYU, unable to compete with their recruiter and his higher salaries (Barney: "apparently you people have changed your methods!"). Rod Colbin (sixth of seven) plays William Jessup, also from the Peace Corps, wondering why some other government agency wasn't called instead! Inspector Luger shows his disapproval for Barney's accurate descriptions of his 'boring' life, wanting to have his biography punched up for each of his potential mail order brides ("they read like I'm some kind of a wet mop or something...I prefer the simple things in life, a walk in the park, a chat with old friends, quiet evenings at home, sounds like I barely made it through the letter!").

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