Captain Barney Miller: [a bomb has blown up in the squad room] It was in the safe?
Fish: Yeah, I put it there.
Captain Barney Miller: You know there was petty cash in there? Forty bucks.
Fish: Take it out of my check.
Captain Barney Miller: [Barney and Wojo are using the phone at the same time while standing right next to each other. Barney was put on hold] Come on! Come on!
Captain Barney Miller: Hello, Bomb Disposal?
Wojo: No, it's Wojciehowitz.
Captain Barney Miller: Get off the line. I'm trying to get Bomb Disposal.
Wojo: Who's this?
Captain Barney Miller: Barney!
Wojo: Oh, hey, Barn, whattya need?
Captain Barney Miller: GET OFF THE LINE!
Captain Barney Miller: [Barney is trying to convince Fish that he's not too old to be a cop anymore] Fish, I think of you as experienced. In an emergency you would be the first one I would call.
Fish: You should call me first... I need time to put my teeth in.
Detective Wilson: [seeing a case, in which the explosive is contained] Hey, who belongs to this case?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: It ain't mine.
Wojo: Fish, maybe.
Detective Wilson: Oh, yeah, it must be Fish's. It's too classy for you guys.
[Wojo gives Wilson a Bronx cheer]
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: Very well put.
Captain Barney Miller: Marty, you keep ripping people off, they're going to put you away for a long time. Now, why don't you cut it out and get an honest job?
Marty: Oh, don't give me that. I've had more jobs than you have hair on your head. I even tried to get on the police force.
Captain Barney Miller: They turned you down?
Marty: Of course they turned me down. It's ridiculous. What's wrong with a gay cop? There are gay robbers.