Michael: Gob, I'm going to need you to sneak Mom out of rehab.
Gob: Gee, I didn't think the woman I'd be checking out at Spring Break would be Mom.
Buster: She's better than the whores you date.
Gob: Don't call my escorts whores.
Buster: Mom's still got it!
Gob: I don't date whores!
Lindsay: Stop it, both of you! This objectification of women has got to stop!
Michael: It's just Mom and whores.
Gob: [fixes a drink while waiting for an intervention with Lucille]
Michael: Are you pouring a drink? What are you doing?
Gob: What if she's mad?
Lindsay: Good point.
Tobias Fünke: Perhaps I'll have a little sip of something...
Michael: Guys, what could she do to us?... do we have anything single malt?
Narrator: [thirty minutes later] And although the intervention didn't work...
Michael: We think you have a prollen.
Gob: You're a mesh.
Narrator: ...it turned into one of the Bluth family's better parties.
Narrator: Lucille was suffering from a hangover-related headache and sought her medication. That's when she mistook the red eye alcohol warning for a winking-eye alcohol suggestion. Fortunately, she had the good sense not to drive herself to the meeting.
Lucille: I'll call for a car.
Narrator: [shows the car on fire] Unfortunately, this was after a failed attempt to do so.
Tobias Fünke: [playing George Sr. on the TV show Scandalmakers] Perhaps an attic shall I seek...
Narrator: Real shoddy narrating. Just pure crap.
Lindsay: No, how would you like it? Actually, that's not a bad idea. I should turn the tables on men and see how they like being objectified. Men with low self-esteem. Get their clothes off.
Tobias Fünke: That is a great social statement. I shall get the video camera. This is ripe for parody. This is ripe!
Buster: He just wants to see boys' Linuses.
George Michael Bluth: [to Maebe] Maeby, don't you get it? They're not even eating these. They just like saying "bananas" and "nuts," and I won't... I won't tell you why. That's your father's job.
Tobias Fünke: [elsewhere, filming the "Men With Low Self Esteem" video] Come on. Let's see some bananas and nuts. Oh, perhaps we should just pull their pants off.