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(TV Series)

(1976)

Quotes

Henry's Wife: It's that Girl on the Comptometer! It all adds up!

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Captain Peacock: To your places, everybody. Mrs. Slocombe, uncover your bust, please.

Mrs. Slocombe: I beg your pardon, Captain Peacock!

Captain Peacock: Your counter bust, Mrs Slocombe. Were ready for business.

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Captain Stephen Peacock: At least you're here on time, Mrs Slocombe.

Mrs. Betty Slocombe: Time for what? We wont have any customers, y'know. And what it's doing to my domestic arrangements! Having a bath at six o'clock in the morning played havoc with my pussy!

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Captain Peacock: [after Henry's wife has bitterly torn apart a ball gown] You'll have to pay for that, you know! You've just ruined a perfectly good dress!

Henry: You've just ruined a perfectly good marriage!

Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries: [to Mr. Lucas] It's just like Crossroads, isn't it?

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[Tries to disuade a customer trying to buy a coat]

Mr. Ernest Grainger: You've got a fat face, piggy eyes, and a pimple on your nose!

[the customer storms off Mr. Grainger turns to his younger colleagues]

Mr. Ernest Grainger: You young salesmen just don't know how not to sell clothes.

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[Captain Peacock is informed of what Mr. Grainger said by the customer]

Captain Peacock: Mr. Grainger, did you tell this man he had a fat face, piggy eyes, and a pimple on his nose?

Mr. Ernest Grainger: Do I look like the type of person who would say he's got a fat face piggy eyes and a pimple on his nose?

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[Mrs. Slocombe has just taken a ride on Miss Brahms' uncle's motorcycle]

Mrs. Slocombe: When you said he was a TT driver, I thought you meant he didn't drink!

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Mr. Ernest Grainger: [Indistinct mumble through a mouthful of food that has become stuck in his false teeth] And how did you arrive at that hy-poff-e-thith?

Mr. Dick Lucas: I beg your pardon?

Mr. Ernest Grainger: I won't say it again!

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Mr. Dick Lucas: What did we take last Monday, Mr. Grainger?

Mr. Ernest Grainger: [stammering, upset] Oh, don't... don't ask me! My memory's like a... like a... like a... like a...

Mr. Dick Lucas: [helping him out] Like a sieve.

Mr. Ernest Grainger: Thank you, Mr. Lucas.

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Mrs. Slocombe: [the lady in a hurry is trying on hats as fast as she can. Miss Brahms passes the lady a white hat to try on] This is the last one of these - it was a very exclusive line. Oh, that DOES suit madam.

[Miss Brahms passes her a light blue hat]

Mrs. Slocombe: Oh, that DOES suit madam.

[Miss Brahms passes her a dark blue hat]

Mrs. Slocombe: Oh, that DOES suit madam.

[Miss Brahms passes her a yellow hat]

Mrs. Slocombe: Oh, that DOES suit madam.

[Miss Brahms passes her the hat box lid by mistake]

Mrs. Slocombe: Oh, that DOES suit madam.

[the lady tries on the light blue hat again]

Mrs. Slocombe: Oh, that DOES suit madam...

Captain Peacock: Mrs. Slocombe, your needle's stuck in the groove!

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Captain Peacock: Everything all right, sir?

Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold: Oh, yes, yes, yes. I was just counting the customers.

Captain Peacock: Well, at the moment we have one there and one over there.

Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold: Well, good. I'll make a note of that. Carry on, Captain Peacock.

[Captain Peacock stays standing in the middle of the floor waiting on customers to ask him for help]

Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold: Carry on, Captain Peacock!

Captain Peacock: I am carrying on, sir. This is what I do.

Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold: [Incredulous] All day?

Captain Peacock: All day.

Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold: I'll make a note of that as well!

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Mr. Dick Lucas: [Mr. Rumbold catches him snooping in his office] I heard the phone ringing, so I came in to answer it in case it was urgent.

Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold: Well, why haven't you answered it?

Mr. Dick Lucas: Yes, well, I suddenly thought to myself, "Perhaps it's a private call and Mr. Rumbold won't want me to answer it."

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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