Henry's Wife: It's that Girl on the Comptometer! It all adds up!
Captain Peacock: To your places, everybody. Mrs. Slocombe, uncover your bust, please.
Mrs. Slocombe: I beg your pardon, Captain Peacock!
Captain Peacock: Your counter bust, Mrs Slocombe. Were ready for business.
Captain Stephen Peacock: At least you're here on time, Mrs Slocombe.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe: Time for what? We wont have any customers, y'know. And what it's doing to my domestic arrangements! Having a bath at six o'clock in the morning played havoc with my pussy!
Captain Peacock: [after Henry's wife has bitterly torn apart a ball gown] You'll have to pay for that, you know! You've just ruined a perfectly good dress!
Henry: You've just ruined a perfectly good marriage!
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries: [to Mr. Lucas] It's just like Crossroads, isn't it?
[Tries to disuade a customer trying to buy a coat]
Mr. Ernest Grainger: You've got a fat face, piggy eyes, and a pimple on your nose!
[the customer storms off Mr. Grainger turns to his younger colleagues]
Mr. Ernest Grainger: You young salesmen just don't know how not to sell clothes.
[Captain Peacock is informed of what Mr. Grainger said by the customer]
Captain Peacock: Mr. Grainger, did you tell this man he had a fat face, piggy eyes, and a pimple on his nose?
Mr. Ernest Grainger: Do I look like the type of person who would say he's got a fat face piggy eyes and a pimple on his nose?
[Mrs. Slocombe has just taken a ride on Miss Brahms' uncle's motorcycle]
Mrs. Slocombe: When you said he was a TT driver, I thought you meant he didn't drink!