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Memorable quotes for
"Aqua Teen Hunger Force" Broodwich (2003)

Meatwad: Hell no, that sumbitch had an axe!

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Master Shake: Who are you?... What is this?
The Voice: It is the Broodwich, forged in darkness from wheat harvested in Hell's half-acre, baked by Beelzebub, slathered with mayonnaise beaten from the evil eggs of dark chicken forced into sauce by the hands of a one-eyed madman, cheese boiled from the rancid teat of a fanged cow, layered with six-hundred and sixty-six separate meats from an animal which has maggots for blood!
Frylock: [long pause] See... told ya.
Master Shake: I tasted mustard.
The Voice: Yeah... DIJON mustard!

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Master Shake: [to Frylock] Why does everything have to be a federal case with you?

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Master Shake: I haven't paid taxes in six years, and I'm not getting busted by a damn sandwich.

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Master Shake: Well, how come no bacon?
The Voice: Bacon is extra.
Master Shake: You call this a sandwich, you don't have bacon on it?
The Voice: There are no swine evil enough to sacrifice upon a bed of EVIL!
[pause]
The Voice: And lettuce.
[longer pause]
The Voice: BED OF EVIL AND LETTUCE!

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Master Shake: Don't you touch those! They're in mint condition, and they're gonna stay that way!
Meatwad: I'll touch 'em all the way to the trash can is what I'll do...
Master Shake: You touch those and your G.I. Joes are gonna be M.I.A. my friend! and then who's gonna call Little Momma Joe, to tell her that her boy ain't coming home? Cause SOMEBODY was asleep on guard duty!

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Frylock: [after Shake has dug up half the yard] I told you, fourteen inches!
Master Shake: You tell me a lot of things, but that doesn't mean I have to listen.

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Master Shake: I must say... bacon aside, this is the best damn sandwich I've ever had in my life.

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Master Shake: Are you the guy that keeps telling me to beware? 'Cause I'll tell you where to be... out of my sight!

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Frylock: That's... the Broodwich!
Meatwad: The boob witch?
Frylock: No no, Meatwad, the Broodwich, the Broodwich!
Meatwad: Wait... wait, say what?
Frylock: Broodwich!
Meatwad: The Blair Witch is here?
Frylock: No no, the Broodwich!
Master Shake: I'll tell you what it is, friends... it's shut up and let me eat it.

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The Voice: [confetti falls as ecstatic music plays] CONGRATULATIONS! You've passed the test! You've landed on the last temptation of the Broodwich!
Master Shake: Really? What do I win?
Master Shake: [the prize is a skeleton wife] Hell no, I'm not marrying this bag of bones!
The Voice: Seriously?
Master Shake: Yes. Seriously.
The Voice: [pause, then music and confetti] Allllright, congratulations! I know I that said the last one was it, but THAT was the last temptation of the Broodwich! You passed again! You're something else!
Master Shake: Yes, I am! What do I win now?
The Voice: FREE BRAIN SURGERY!
Master Shake: NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, BABY! Hey, wait a minute...
The Voice: [Shake is lobotomized and drooling] Now eat 'em!

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Frylock: Shake, get rid of the damn sandwich. If you keep it here, you're gonna eat it, then you're gonna die.
Master Shake: No I won't. I don't need a stupid sandwich. I don't need a sandwich... I need this ladder. Excuse me please.
[climbs up ladder to sandwich]
Master Shake: I'm not gonna eat the whole thing.
[teleports to some guy with an axe]
Master Shake: See?
[the guy starts to swing his axe]
Master Shake: Oh God!
[teleports back home]
Master Shake: Okay, look. This is irritating.

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Frylock: I read a very disturbing article about this sandwich. In...
[falters]
Frylock: ... the Bible.
The Voice: No. You probably saw a piece in Vogue.
Frylock: I doubt it. I don't... I don't read that.
The Voice: Heidi Klum was on the cover. You know, the "Broodwich" issue!
Frylock: [sighs] ... Okay, yes. It was Vogue.
Master Shake: [chuckling] You read all this in VOGUE?
The Voice: Our PR department is awesome!
Master Shake: That's a GIRL magazine! I hope you were at the dentist, Frylock!
Frylock: It just comes to the house! I don't...
Master Shake: [laughing] Of course it comes!
[screaming]
Master Shake: WHEN YOU ORDER IT, YOU BIG FAT LADY!

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Dr. Weird: Gentlemen: There's a chance, THIS will work!
Steve: Uhhh... actually, you said there's NO chance this would work.
Dr. Weird: [looks over to see himself hooked up to a vat of BBQ sauce] ... FOOL! That will never work!

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Master Shake: Are you the guys tellin' me to beware, because I'll tell you where to be.

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Frylock: Oh my god, that's no ordinary sandwich Shake!
Master Shake: Oh my god, oh my... do you ever have anything good to say, it's a free sandwich!
Frylock: it's not a sandwich at all Shake... it's the Broodwich.

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Master Shake: [Meatwad flashes back from the Broodwich realm] Well, look who's back! Did you have a fun time with that axe-murdering psycho?
Meatwad: Who? Jerry? Nah, Jerry's not so bad once you get to know him. Real upstanding guy.
Master Shake: *Bullcrap!* I saw that guy! He had an axe and he knew how to use it in heinous ways!
Meatwad: Are we talkin' 'bout the same guy here? That don't sound like Jerry at all. Now the Jerry I know, he took me to Merry Christmas.
Meatwad: [pause] Which is a strip club! Merry Triple-X-mas... you see what I'm sayin'? You see what I'm sayin'?
Master Shake: Gimme that sandwich!
[gobbles the Broodwich and disappears]
Frylock: Wow... so all that stuff really happened like that?
Meatwad: Hell no! That son of a bitch had an axe!

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