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Memorable quotes for
"Angel" In the Dark (1999)

Spike: Do you two need to be alone or can we get on with the ouchy part?

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Allen Francis Doyle: All I'm saying is, if you and I ever hope to take that cruise to the Bahamas together, we're gonna need a lot more clients with means.
Cordelia: And an alternate reality in which you're Matthew McConaughey.

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Spike: [as Rachel] How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night thing?
Spike: [as Angel] No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. And now, I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair. Never the hair.
Spike: [as Rachel] But there must be some way I can show my appreciation?
Spike: [as Angel] No, helping those in need's my job, and workin' up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough.
Spike: [as Rachel] I understand. I have a nephew who's gay, so...
[gasps]
Spike: [as Angel] Say no more. Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair-gel I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away.

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Spike: Speakin' of little Buff, I ran into her recently. Your name didn't come up. Although, she has been awful busy jumpin' the bones of the very first lunkhead who came along. Good-lookin' fella. Used her shamelessly. She is cute when she's hurting.

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[to Spike whilst fighting]
Angel: Is this your big strategy for gettin' the ring back?
Spike: I had a plan.
[Hurls Spike onto a car and pins him face first to the bonnet]
Angel: You, a plan?
Spike: A good plan, smart plan, carefully laid out. But, I got bored.
[Spike pushes Angel against a wall]
Spike: All that watching, waiting. My legs started to cramp.

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Angel: Oz.
Oz: Angel.
Angel: Nice surprise.
Oz: Thanks.
Angel: Staying Long?
Oz: Few Days.
[long pause]
Allen Francis Doyle: [to Cordelia] They always like this?
Oz: No, we're usually laconic.

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Allen Francis Doyle: [after Angel receives the Gem Of Amara, a ring that allows the wearer to become unkillable] Why don't you put it on and, here, I'll stake ya. It'll be fun!
Angel: Maybe later
Allen Francis Doyle: What, are you out of your mind?
Angel: I said, maybe later
Allen Francis Doyle: Yeah...
Angel: Doyle!

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Cordelia: [Waving invoice] Why are you not rejoicing at our first paying client?
Allen Francis Doyle: 'Cause that's not money in your hand, darlin', that's mail. There's a big difference between that and actually getting paid.

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Cordelia: See girl in distress. See Angel save girl from druggy-stalker-boyfriend.

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Allen Francis Doyle: Think of it, man, poolside tanning, bargain matinees, plus, there are several strip clubs I know of that have a fabulous luncheon buffet that's really quite tasty. It's- I've heard.

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Cordelia: I think the trick is laying off the ale before you start quoting Angela's Ashes and weeping like a baby-man.

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Cordelia: I couldn't get comfortable here if the floor was lined with mink. I mean, how can you live like this?
Allen Francis Doyle: Well, I didn't until last week. Then I saw what you did with your place. I just had to call my decorator.
Cordelia: No way! My apartment is nowhere near this yucky! It smells like bong-water in here.

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Spike: Caught me fair and square, white hat. Guess there's nothin' to do now but go along quietly and pay my debt to society.

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Allen Francis Doyle: I betcha he's hangin' 10 off the sandy shores of Malibu right about now. Wind in his hair, bikini babes a-whistlin'.

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Marcus: What do you want, Angel?
Angel: House in the country. A good pair of running shoes you can also wear out to dinner.

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Spike: It's called addiction, Angel. We all have them. I believe yours is named Slutty the Vampire Slayer.

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Spike: To coin a popular Sunnydale phrase, "Duh."

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Cordelia: This is not a needle in a haystack, this is a needle in Kansas.

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Angel: I don't know about you, but I had a nice day. You know, except for the bulk of it where I was nearly tortured to death.
Allen Francis Doyle: Hey, you stood up.
Angel: Oh, God. I was this close to telling him everything. I mean, on more hot poker and I was giving him the ring, your mom, everything.
[beat]
Angel: How is your mom?

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Allen Francis Doyle: So what, you don't get the ring because your period of self-flagellation isn't over yet? I mean, think of all the daytime people you can help between 9 and 5.
Angel: They have help. The whole world is designed for them. So much so that they have no idea what goes on around them after dark. They don't see the weak ones lost in the night. And the things that prey on them. And if I joined them, maybe I'd stop seeing too.

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