- Wendy McKay: Whatever that smell is, I hope they get it outta here. Unless it is you or me and then I hope they give it a raise.
- [laughs]
- Jessica Green: We figured out where that odor was coming from. Apparently Charlie Rhymer died in his office friday night.
- Wendy McKay: Oh my God! How did he die?
- Andy Richter: [Andy enters, thinking the odor came from a meat sandwich he left over the weekend] Guys, it's all my fault. I'll get some disinfective and clean it up.
- Wendy McKay: 'It'? How can you say that?
- Andy Richter: Well, it's just a pile of meat that sat in a hot office all weekend! Jeez.
- [leaves]
- Mr. Pickering: [Andy has been happily singing in his mind when the imaginary dead founder of Pickering Industries interrupts] I must be at a sing-along. Because I'm following the bouncing ball.
- Jessica Green: It sounds like she gave you a very innocent thanks-for-a-lovely-evening kiss. Not a slappedy-slappedy-boogadie-boogadie-boom kiss.
- Jessica Green: The company is making us go to a grief counselor.
- Andy Richter: A grief counselor? What if we're not sad?
- Jessica Green: It's mandatory.
- Byron Togler: They can dictate our emotions now?
- Andy Richter: [narrating] Let's just imagine for a moment what that would look like.
- P.A. Voice Over: Attention. The following emotions will be felt by the following people: Jenkins: bitter. Thompson: hopeful. Richter: happy. Togler: disgruntled.
- Byron Togler: Damn! I always get disgruntled! I'm sick of it.
- Jessica Green: I didn't kill Charlie!
- Byron Togler: [condescendingly] No. Of course you didn't.
- Jessica Green: I. DIDN'T.
- Byron Togler: You yelled at him!
- Jessica Green: When they perform an autopsy they're not going to find my yelling in his veins, they're going to find your bacon-chili-cheese-fries of death!
- Keith: [Trying to explain why he's so busy now that his co-worker has died] It's Charlie, that lazy dead guy. I mean, aside from babies, is there anyone more selfish than the dead?
- Byron Togler: [Byron feels it's his fault that the company grief counselor committed suicide, leaving a note saying she "just couldn't take all the sadness"] I killed the grief counselor. And I killed her with my pain. Do you know what it's like to kill someone with your pain?
- [pause]
- Byron Togler: It hurts!
- Andy Richter: [at a funeral - thinking] Check out Wendy! She's even hot when she mourns! Why do I keep doing this? I have about as much chance with her as Charlie has of popping out of that coffin and doing the hustle.
- Wendy McKay: [later - Wendy tenderly adjusts Andy's tie] Hey, do you want to get out of here and get a drink?
- [Charlie's corpse pops out of the casket and does the hustle]