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Andy Richter: [narrating] It was a day like any other day and Byron and I were hard at work writing a manual for the Im-Pickering industries Jet Pack. When suddenly:

Keith Richards: Hey, you guys wanna go see a movie tonight?

Andy Richter: [still narrating] Then, without warning, Byron shocked us with a startling revelation:

Byron Togler: No, I can't.

Andy Richter: [resumes narrating] Next, he rocked our world with something so unbelievable, no sane person could have predicted it:

Byron Togler: There's a 'Taxi' Marathon on TV tonight that I really wanna watch.

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Keith Richards: That's an interesting story. You know, I was briefly married to Daryl Hannah.

[Andy and Byron are speechless]

Keith Richards: Anyway, think about the movie.

[leaves]

Andy Richter: Let's never talk to him about anything ever again.

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Wendy McKay: Come on, Jake-me-to-the-river, I think there are some popsicles left in the freezer.

[Wendy and Jake leave]

Andy Richter: No there aren't. It's just that same empty box that somebody is too lazy to throw out.

Byron Togler: I did not eat the last one!

Andy Richter: And yet you know that someone did!

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Andy Richter: You know what that kid could use? A huge distinguishing scar. That would have really helped out yesterday.

[Jessica scowls at him]

Andy Richter: Maybe one of those metal claw hands...

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Keith Richards: So you bagged Marilu Henner?

Andy Richter: Yes. And it was hot and steamy and everything that fan on celebrity sex should be.

Andy Richter: [narrating] Except for the part where she made me bark like a dog. And not a big strong dog, either, a yapping little rat dog.

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Andy Richter: I gotta get Jake a jet pack.

Keith Richards: It's in the basement.

Andy Richter: Really, the basement? They have them in this building?

Keith Richards: They got a lot of things in this building you don't know about. Things you don't want to know about.

Andy Richter: I know there's a gym, look, will you get off me about that, I signed up!

Keith Richards: But you never go.

Andy Richter: I'm busy!

Byron Togler: You're not that busy.

Andy Richter: Guys, we're talking about a jet pack.

Keith Richards: Don't worry, I know the guy who runs the storage room, he'll get you one.

Andy Richter: Really? Well, that's great! How come you always know a guy?

Keith Richards: 'Cause I go to the gym.

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Jessica Green: He's a twelve year old kid! If my sister finds out he saw a sex tape, she will beat me to death with one of her precious Bibles.

Andy Richter: Well I say we knock him around until he gives it back.

Jessica Green: So your plan is lose him, show him pornography, then beat him up.

Andy Richter: That's the Chicago way!

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Keith Richards: [impressed by the sight of the test pilot approaching] If John Wayne and the Statue of Liberty had a son, he'd be it.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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