Monty Hall: Miss Hadaes. She loves the smell of brimstone and deviled ham. She can have my soul anytime.
Eli Excelsior Pandarus: This worked out perfectly. I needed 2 eye witnesses to our blessed union and vioula. Here you are. Just hanging around.
Jake Long: [chained to the wall with a sphinx hair net over him] Fu, watch out! Pandarus is going to take the winner of the pageant and make her his bride!
Fu Dog: Your looking at her kid.
Jake's Grandfather: [also chained] What? You won?
Jake Long: No way!
Fu Dog: Is that sooooo hard to believe?
Santa Claus: Sorry hon, but your definitely on my naughty list and my ugly list. You should donate that body to science. Science fiction that is.
Fu Dog: Hey Carol, you want to shake those things my way?
[Carol slaps him]
Fu Dog: I was talking about your wings! What do you expect from a ditsy dame?
Eli Excelsior Pandarus: You look familiar. Do I know you?
Jake Long: I did your hair! When you did Good Magical Morning New York. You could need a good jugging -
Jake's Grandfather: [pulls Jake away]
Jake Long: Don't forget to condition, trim those side burns, skip a days shampoeing and -
Jake's Grandfather: ENOUGH!
Jake Long: [stops talking]