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(TV Series)

(1976)

Quotes

Archie Bunker: Uh, no intense offended there.

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Archie Bunker: [Rev Chong is unwilling to baptize Joey against his parents' wishes] No, see, what I had in mind was this, uh, I would like to slip a few dollars into the, into the poor-box, see, which don't necessarily have to wind up there, see? And, uh, now, uh, we don't have to tell, uh, the, uh, Reverend Fletcher there...

Rev. Chong: Felcher.

Archie Bunker: Whatever. We don't have to tell him nothin' about it, see. What do you say, Chang?

Rev. Chong: Chong.

Archie Bunker: Whatever.

Rev. Chong: I say, *No* Mr Binker.

Archie Bunker: Bunker.

Rev. Chong: Whatever!

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Edith Bunker: [Edith argues with Archie over whether Joey should be baptized] Oh, no, I don't think it's right. We can't do that without Mike and Gloria's permission.

Archie Bunker: [upset] To Hell with permission. Jeez, permission, permission. That's one of the things wrong with the world today. There's too much permission. Let me tell ya somethin'. When the missionaries went into darkest Africa to bring God to the natives, you think they asked their permission? Like Hell. They dragged 'em out of the trees and right down to the river. And they held them under there until they seen the light. And the natives was glad about that, 'cause that's the way they found God. And then later on, when they was chained in the bottom of the slave ships, why, they was happy, because they had somebody to pray to, there, see?. Which proves that for everybody's own good, you gotta use force. That's the Christian way.

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Archie Bunker: [Archie shares with Gloria his reasoning about why Joey should be baptized] Listen, little girl, every kid needs to be somethin'. And everybody's gotta know what he is. That way at least his own kind won't throw rocks at him. If he's nuthin', they'll *all* throw rocks at him. And I know, I threw many a rock in my day.

Gloria Bunker-Stivic: You used to throw rocks at kids and you call yourself religious?

Archie Bunker: No, well, wait a minute, wait a minute. Throwin' rocks is, what do you call, an age-old religious custom, there, for bringin' people around. All your ancient people, there, threw rocks, until they got axes and spears, and later on guns to do God's work.

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Archie Bunker: Bein' baptized makes you religious.

Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: Oh, come on, Arch. Joey was circumcized. It doesn't make him Jewish.

Archie Bunker: No, it made him holler, though!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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