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Archie Bunker: Well, let me tell you one thing about Richard E. Nixon. He knows how to keep his wife, Pat, home. Roosevelt could never do that with Eleanor. She was always out on the loose. Running around with the coloreds. Tellin' 'em they was gettin' the short end of the stick. She was the one who discovered the coloreds in this country; we never knew they was there!

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Archie Bunker: This country was ruined by Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

Maude: You're fat.

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Cousin Maude: Archie, you can either get up and eat breakfast, or lie there, feeding off your own fat.

[pause]

Cousin Maude: And if you choose the latter, you could probably lie there for months.

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Archie Bunker: [Maude refuses to get out of Archie's chair] Well, I got the secret weapon that can lay this little lady right away. Here we go. This country was ruined by Franklin Delano Roosevelt!

Cousin Maude: You're fat.

Archie Bunker: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Franklin Delano Roosevelt...

Edith Bunker: Archie, you promised never to say that name again in front of Maude.

Archie Bunker: Franklin Delano Roosevelt!

Edith Bunker: [to Maude] He don't mean nothing. His whole family was for Roosevelt.

Archie Bunker: That was for two terms. But that was it. We didn't know the guy was going to hold on to the job like a pope!

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Cousin Maude: [after Maude sings to wake everybody up] Are you waiting for a special invitation? I said breakfast is on the table.

Archie Bunker: I heard ya. So did every moose up in Canada.

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Archie Bunker: Roosevelt sold us out to Joe Stalin at Gibraltar.

Maude: They met at Yalta.

Archie Bunker: He sold us out there too.

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Archie Bunker: [Maude hands him his breakfast] What's this?

Cousin Maude: It's my own invention. Cream of Wheat with cheese.

Archie Bunker: Cheese?

Cousin Maude: It's light but it binds.

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Archie: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT.

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Edith Bunker: And how do you two feel this morning?

Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: Well, my temperature's down to a hundred, but my throat still feels bad. My eyes are clearing up, but my nasal passages...

Gloria Bunker-Stivic: Oh, who cares Michael, who cares? Do you know what he did to me? He set the alarm to wake himself up every two hours all night long so he could gargle, take his pills, wheeze on his inhaler for ten minutes. You know something Michael? When you're sick, you're sick!

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