Gomez Addams: Now, if you'll observe, my dear, croquet is a combination of two things - balance, timing, peripheral vision, superb coordination and a killer's instinct.
Morticia Frump Addams: [in the guise of Diana's mother] You owe me a nickel!
Uncle Fester Frump: Ya need it all at once?
[Trying to retrieve a phone number for a business deal from memory, Fester ends up telephoning himself on his other extension]
Uncle Fester Frump: [ring] Hello.
Uncle Fester Frump: Hello! I don't like that merger deal.
Uncle Fester Frump: YOU don't like it! Who asked you?
Uncle Fester Frump: Nobody asked me. I'm tellin' YOU, smart guy!
Uncle Fester Frump: Oh, so now I'm a smart guy, huh? Well, you listen...
Uncle Fester Frump: No, you listen - the deal's off.
Uncle Fester Frump: Oh, yeah? Well, you can say THAT again!
Uncle Fester Frump: [to Lurch] You can't let these fellas push you around.
Lurch: [having seen the whole thing] Uggggggh.
Uncle Fester Frump: [explaining why there's a light bulb in his mouth] Oh, the children persuaded me to light up and ride my cycle around, just for old time's sake.
Morticia Frump Addams: We love to watch him ride his motorcycle in the house.
Gomez Addams: And wrestle the alligator.
Thaddeus Logan: Wrestle... the alligator? A LIVE alligator?
Gomez Addams: Not very sporting wrestling a dead one.
Uncle Fester Frump: Gomez, uh, can you see your way clear to advance me a nickel for a postage stamp?
Gomez Addams: No, but I can give you a check.
Uncle Fester Frump: All right! If that's what it takes, I'll get it! You'll see! I'll be a big success! I'll throw gold, and diamonds, right at your daughter's feet!
Morticia Frump Addams: [in the guise of Diana's mother] I warn you, she 's got... very big feet!