The Addams Family (TV Series)
Cousin Itt and the Vocational Counselor (1965)
John Astin: Gomez Addams
Photos
Quotes
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Mortimer Phelps : Cousin Itt? From, eh, who's side of the family?
Morticia Addams : He's from both sides of the family. He hasn't quite found himself.
Gomez Addams : And with Cousin Itt, that's not easy. He looks the same from every angle.
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Morticia Addams : [to Cousin Itt] Inside you're all heart.
Gomez Addams : Quite a combination: inside all heart, outside all hair.
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Morticia Addams : [getting carried away while playing a young married couple with problems] I'm going to my room.
Gomez Addams : I'll go with you...
Morticia Addams : No thank you! I'd rather be alone. I'm going to finish reading War and Peace.
Gomez Addams : What page are you on?
Morticia Addams : Twelve!
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Gomez Addams : [snaps his fingers] Carida, Cousin Itt would make a great undercover agent. Special Agent 298.
Morticia Addams : No.
Gomez Addams : 598? Think about all those beautiful women.
Morticia Addams : Darling, Cousin Itt is probably bored by beautiful women.
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Gomez Addams : Forgive me, cara mia, I've been a cad and a fool.
Morticia Addams : No, just a cad. I've been a fool, sending you on your bare feet without a thought of your sinuses.
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Morticia Addams : Poor Cousin Itt, he's so nervous he went up in the treehouse with Uncle Fester.
Gomez Addams : I hope a passing eagle doesn't snatch him up.
Morticia Addams : Oh dear, he would make good nesting material, wouldn't he?
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Gomez Addams : [looking down at Itt, who's slept through Morticia's festive hat dance] We've entertained some pretty cold audiences but at least they didn't fall asleep. They had the decency to walk out.
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Morticia Addams : Darling, we must think of a way to help Cousin Itt.
Gomez Addams : We'd better. He's threatening to go to the south seas and become a beachcomber.
Morticia Addams : Oh, we can't let that happen. He'd never get the sand out of his hair.
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Morticia Addams : Voilá! I have it.
Gomez Addams : Tish, that's French.
Morticia Addams : Darling, please, let me tell you my idea.
Gomez Addams : [leering] Let me tell ya mine.
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Morticia Addams : I have the perfect career for Cousin Itt - marriage counselor.
Gomez Addams : Isn't he a bit inexperienced?
Morticia Addams : So is the hangman till his first job.
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Morticia Addams : Good afternoon, Dr. Itt, we're a young married couple and we have a problem.
Cousin Itt : D'ya d'yeh dih dium d'oh.
Gomez Addams : Whadda you mean you're too busy to see us? We need help.
Morticia Addams : [warningly] Henry...!
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Gomez Addams : Tish, when you laugh it drives me wild!
Morticia Addams : [as Gomez kisses his way up her arm] Darling, please, we're two other people.
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Morticia Addams : Obviously being a marriage counselor isn't his cup of tea.
Gomez Addams : Perhaps his cup of tea is failure.
Morticia Addams : That's what they used to say about old Cornelius Addams - and they were right - but not about Cousin Itt. He's different.
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Mortimer Phelps : [to Itt] Now I'll say a word and you say whatever pops into your mind. Uh... bird.
Gomez Addams : Vulture.
Morticia Addams : Molting.
Gomez Addams : Mating.
Morticia Addams : Nesting.
Gomez Addams : Billing.
Morticia Addams : Cooing.
Gomez Addams : Lips.
Morticia Addams : Red.
Gomez Addams : Kiss me!
Mortimer Phelps : Please! Now, I will not tolerate any more interruptions.
Gomez Addams : Really, old man, you don't understand true love when you see it.
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Morticia Addams : What do we always do when we have an insurmountable problem?
Gomez Addams : Give up.
Morticia Addams : Not always.
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Gomez Addams : Fester, you can't hurry science.
Morticia Addams : After all, Madam Curie didn't invent the cotton gin in minutes.
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Mortimer Phelps : Now, you may not realize it, but Cousin Itt is no ordinary person.
Gomez Addams : Course not. He's got an I.Q. of 320 - and that's without his shoes on.