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"The Addams Family" Progress and the Addams Family (TV Episode 1965) Poster

Quotes

Morticia Frump Addams: It seems the new freeway is coming right through our living room. Won't that crowd us a bit?

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Morticia Frump Addams: Gomez, did you hear an explosion a moment ago?

Gomez Addams: Oh, that. Probably Uncle Fester down in the basement testing for gas leaks with a lighted match.

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Uncle Fester Frump: I'll shoot him in the back. Would you mind turning around, please?

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Gomez Addams: Fester, this man may be a trespasser and a saboteur but he is our guest.

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Gomez Addams: Well, you can't win 'em all. They're blasting tomorrow whether we're in the house or not.

Morticia Frump Addams: Oh, dear. And we're such late sleepers.

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[Fester suggests they move their house]

Gomez Addams: I know just the spot. That lot Hornsby has up for sale.

Morticia Frump Addams: That's right next door to the Commissioner's house.

Gomez Addams: My dear, at a time like this we can't afford to be choosy.

Uncle Fester Frump: Oh, it's... it's not that, but... That lot doesn't have any caves, and then no quicksand, no swamp...

Gomez Addams: Fester... What's a swamp? A bunch of mud, slime and stench. We'll build our own!

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Morticia Frump Addams: Tea?

[the Henson's politely but unsteadily nod to the affirmative]

Morticia Frump Addams: Salt, pepper or cyanide?

Mayor Arthur J. Henson: Neither.

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Mayor Arthur J. Henson: Uh, well, Addams, I-I must say you're taking this eviction like a good sport.

Gomez Addams: Well, nobody can say that an Addams stood in the way of progress, although I must admit Uncle Fester is a bit upset.

Morticia Frump Addams: Yes, you see, there are no caves or swamps on our new property.

Gomez Addams: But we do have plans for building our own - that is, if our neighbors don't object.

Mayor Arthur J. Henson: Well, any man who would object to having a swamp right next to his home is a petty individual, indeed.

Gomez Addams: Glad to hear you say that, Commissioner. We love animals and we're planning a mud wallow for our hippopotamus.

Phoebe Henson: Arthur and I just adore animals, too.

Gomez Addams: [warmly and vigorously shakes Henson's hand] Neighbor!

Mayor Arthur J. Henson: No, no... d'I... I mean, you're not gonna move in next to... to... t...

Phoebe Henson: To us?

Gomez Addams: Right smack!

[the Henson's, with apparently nothing to lose, hurriedly guzzle down their cups of silverware-dissolving wolfsbane tea]

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[the Addams family prepares to ride along with the mansion on its move to a new location]

Morticia Frump Addams: Where are the children, dear?

Gomez Addams: Oh, they're fine. They're riding on the roof.

Morticia Frump Addams: I do hope they don't get car sick. Is Lurch with them?

Gomez Addams: Oh, no. He likes to ride with his head out the window and growl at the passing cars.

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Uncle Fester Frump: That ex-insurance man of ours...

Gomez Addams: Commissioner Henson?

Uncle Fester Frump: Yeah. Well, he's ruining our city. He's puttin' fresh paint on all the public buildings.

Morticia Frump Addams: Whatever for?

Uncle Fester Frump: To hide the soot.

Morticia Frump Addams: Cover up... But the soot's the only thing that's giving those buildings character.

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[a letter arrives]

Morticia Frump Addams: Oh, it's from the city hall. I wonder what they're doing writing to us.

Gomez Addams: Well, this is the time they select the Man of the Year. I suppose I'll have to resign myself to another giddy round of speech-making and chicken ala king.

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Gomez Addams: Ah, that Thing! Always on his toes.

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Mike: Gettin' rid of a monstrosity like the old Addams house comes under the heading of sheer pleasure.

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Gomez Addams: [dictating a letter] ... and, despite your position as commissioner, I hereby warn you that any further trespass by your hired vandals will be resisted to the utmost.

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Gomez Addams: [finishing his letter] P.s. I always knew you were a corrupt, hypocritical old windbag.

Morticia Frump Addams: I do hope he doesn't take that last part personally.

Gomez Addams: How could he?

Lurch: [announcing from the vestibule] His honor, the Commissioner.

Morticia Frump Addams: I'm sure he's come to offer his apologies.

Gomez Addams: I guess the hypocritical old windbag isn't such a bad fellow after all.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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