[the family enjoys some front yard moonbathing]
Morticia Frump Addams: Gomez, darling, do be careful. You know how prone you are to moonburn.
Gomez Addams: Never fear, Querida. My skin is so white it won't peel anymore.
Morticia Frump Addams: This is the bitterest blow since the city made us fill in our lovely patch of quicksand.
[Morticia gives Gomez a driving lesson]
Morticia Frump Addams: Now, darling, listen: You're going through a school zone.
Gomez Addams: School zone.
Morticia Frump Addams: Your speedometer is registering seventy-five miles an hour.
Gomez Addams: Seventy-five per.
Morticia Frump Addams: What are you doing wrong?
Gomez Addams: Blocking traffic?
Morticia Frump Addams: Think, darling. THINK!
Gomez Addams: Of course! I'm not waving to the little nippers as I drive by. "Hi ya, kids! How are ya!"
Morticia Frump Addams: [reporting on Gomez] He's taking his written test.
Uncle Fester Frump: Good. Then he'll never get to the driver's test.
Gomez Addams: [to the Strife photographer] Strife Magazine has been one of our favorites.
Morticia Frump Addams: We simply devour it from cover to cover.
Uncle Fester Frump: Aw, it's delicious.
Morticia Frump Addams: Uncle Fester, how 'bout you? Would you like another little dab of lanolin?
Uncle Fester Frump: Ah, no, thanks. I like it but it gives me heartburn.
Morticia Frump Addams: Uncle Fester, the last time we moonbathed you ate the goose grease, this time the lanolin.
Uncle Fester Frump: Well, what'd you expect me to do with it, smear it all over my face?
Morticia Frump Addams: You were such a distinguished little baby, with such a distinguished little mustache.
Gomez Addams: Yes. Saved Mama the trouble of straining the baby food.
[the search for Gomez's favorite photographer ends]
Morticia Frump Addams: He now works for the Department of Motor Vehicles. He takes the pictures they use on the driver's licenses.
Gomez Addams: What a proud thing it is to live in a state with such high aesthetic requirements.
[Gomez has never been able to drive]
Gomez Addams: True, but there's very little I don't know about the modern horseless carriage.
Uncle Fester Frump: Except how to shift gears.
Morticia Frump Addams: And steer.
Uncle Fester Frump: Yeah, and, uh, put on the breaks.
Gomez Addams: Well, those things DO give me a little trouble.
Uncle Fester Frump: A LITTLE trouble! Remember the Blue Falconberg we had?
Gomez Addams: Heh-heh, Big Blue! Ho-ho, nothing could stop that car. Scorching desert. Snow-covered mountains. She could go anywhere!
Morticia Frump Addams: Except between two streetcars.