- Officer Jim Reed: I don't know, I just can't get with it.
- Officer Pete Malloy: Can't get with what?
- Officer Jim Reed: Christmas. It doesn't feel like Christmas to me.
- Officer Pete Malloy: You get all your shopping done?
- Officer Jim Reed: [happily] Yeah, just about, I, uh, I bought some real out of sight lingerie.
- Officer Pete Malloy: Ah. What did you get for Jean?
- Officer Jim Reed: [in mock laughter] Ho, ho, ho.
- Officer Pete Malloy: [about he and his wife entering the crosswalk when the pedestrian signal was 'don't walk'] Didn't you see the sign, sir? It said, "don't walk."
- Tom Nasheboo: [matter-of factly] Yes sir. That's why we were running.
- Officer Pete Malloy: I'm serious. you could have been injured.
- Tom Nasheboo: I am serious too, sir. The light was green, that means we can cross, does it not?
- Officer Pete Malloy: The light was green, yes...
- Tom Nasheboo: [in a happy tone] Then the sign said, "don't walk," so we ran.
- Little Girl: [as a crowd has formed around Malloy and Reed who are in the process of arresting a mission Santa Claus for assaulting the man who mugged him, the mugger in handcuffs] Mommy, Mommy, look! He's arresting Santy Claus.
- Officer Jim Reed: [to the Little Girl in trying to diffuse the situation with her] Hey, would you like some Christmas candy?
- Little Girl: [defiantly] No! Not from anyone who'd arrest Santy Claus.
- Officer Jim Reed: Well, uh, he's not really Santa Claus.
- Little Girl: What do you mean?
- Officer Jim Reed: [struggling] Well, uh, he's, uh... just one of Santa's helpers who got into a little trouble, that's all.
- Santa Claus: [yelling to the crowd as the Little Girl has a dismayed look on her face] What kind of fink would arrest Santa Claus on Christmas Eve?