Action (TV Series)

Re-Enter the Dragon (1999)

Jay Mohr: Peter Dragon

Quotes 

• Wendy Ward : I really like how even though I'm a hooker you don't treat me like a hooker.

  Peter Dragon : Thank you.

  Wendy Ward : You're welcome. Here's your bill.

  Peter Dragon : All right. It's a pretty impressive group of documents you've got here.

  Wendy Ward : Thank you. I've got Windows 98.

  Uncle Lonnie : You know, she was very helpful around the house. Especially those times when you overdosed in your own vomit you know.

  Wendy Ward : Thanks, Lonnie. See, I kept extensive notes of all of our activities, and then I itemized. See I broke it into different... straight, and there are oral, and others.

  Peter Dragon : You definitely broke it down three ways.

  Wendy Ward : Oh, that reminds me. I forgot about the tree-ways. Now, you know what, what the hell, I just throw those in, on the house.

  Peter Dragon : Oh, I hope so, I never even *touched* a guy.

• Peter Dragon : Look, Wendy, I want you to come work for me. Not as a prostitute, no, no, no. I want you to work for me as a motion picture executive, which is just a different kind of prostitute.

• Peter Dragon : Wendy, I trust you. You complete me.

  Wendy Ward : I hate it when people try to pass off movie dialogue and use it in real conversation!

  Peter Dragon : Well frankly, Wendy, I don't give a damn.

• Stuart Glazer : What if we cut the scene where the street gang sets fire to the Beverly Hills Hotel, rapes the supermodel, and plucks out her left eye? Hm?

  Adam Rafkin : Oh, come on! Are you kidding me? That's the funniest scene in the picture!

  Peter Dragon : Thank you!

  Stuart Glazer : True, but it always bothered me, I mean, a supermodel running around the rest of the picture with an eye patch.

  Peter Dragon : I don't agree. Deformity's sexy. I picture Drew Barrymore with, like, an eye patch, a club foot, maybe a lisp. Well, she *has* a lisp, but quite frankly, the whole picture gives me an erection.

  Wendy Ward : Yeah, I knew a working girl with no legs, made twenty-five hundred a night just sitting there. Spinning.

• Stuart Glazer : What about the zoo scene? Do we really need that?

  Adam Rafkin : Peter, no! The zoo scene is the centerpiece of the movie. Everything depends on the zoo scene. The gunfight at the zoo, the slaughter of the pandas. That's the contrapuntal expression of man's inhumanity to man. That's what makes this an allegory, yes, to the destructive nature of the Ubermensch.

  Peter Dragon : Ubermensch? Look, I like when the chick gets trampled by the zebra, it makes a great poster. The zoo scene stays.

• Peter Dragon : I'm gonna work you like Kunta Kinte! Are you following me?

  Adam Rafkin : Uh... up to a point.

• Peter Dragon : Let's make magic, baby!

• Salma Hayek : Puerco, cerdo, marrano, cochino!

  Peter Dragon : Wha... Hey, Iglesias, what did she just say?

  Man : Pig.

  Peter Dragon : What do you mean, pig? She spoke for ten minutes! It's a three-letter word!

• Dick 'Rene' Marcellus : Name's Dick Marcellus.

  Peter Dragon : Dick Marcellus... Like Ving Rhames in Pulp Fiction?

  Dick 'Rene' Marcellus : That's right. It's an *homage*.

• Peter Dragon : What's your favorite movie of all time?

  Dick 'Rene' Marcellus : I would say that I was most affected by the elegant impressionism of François Truffaut's Day for Night.

• Peter Dragon : Hey Rafkin, check it out: it's Salma Hayek.

  Adam Rafkin : Where?

  Peter Dragon : There! She'd be perfect for the female lead in 'Gunclub'.

  Adam Rafkin : Oh, yes, perfectly perfect. She's - I thought about her all the time I was writing. I think about her a lot when I'm not writing

  [laughs awkwardly] 

  Adam Rafkin : .

• Salma Hayek : [reminding Peter of the first time they met]  You wanted me to take my shirt off.

  Peter Dragon : Sometimes, Salma, a little nudity is... it's intrinsic to the story, you know, for the role.

  Salma Hayek : I was auditioning for the part of the nun.

  Peter Dragon : What, haha, nuns don't take showers now? Is that -

  [Salma slaps him across the face again] 

• Peter Dragon : Lloyd, you wanna do lunch tomorrow?

  Lloyd 'Andre' Bellwether : Sure Peter, eh, let me check my... book.

  [Peter smirks and points because he just got Floyd to reveal his real identity, Lloyd realizes and starts pounding the floor in frustration, Peter bursts out laughing] 

  Peter Dragon : You Disney guys are dumb fucks!

• Peter Dragon : Anybody'd be a fool not to hire you, Sean.

  [Wendy Ward enters] 

  Peter Dragon : But I think I'm gonna hire this whore instead.

• Peter Dragon : You can be a prostitute and humiliate yourself as a job, or you can work as a motion picture executive and humiliate yourself as a career!