Jane Dragon Gianopolis: [reading] I, Peter Dragon, being of sound mind and body, declare that this is my last will and testament.
Peter Dragon: What are you doing?
Jane Dragon Gianopolis: Ah! Oh my god! Peter! You're not dead!
Peter Dragon: What happened to me?
Jane Dragon Gianopolis: You had a heart attack. The doctor said you were legally dead. You were legally dead!
Peter Dragon: You know what, I'm changing my whole will right now. I'm leaving everything I have to... Larry Flynt.
Peter Dragon: How're you doing, I'm Peter Dragon. I'm a millionaire. I produce movies. And I wanna thank all you gas station attendants and plumbers for reproducing. That's... nice. You're doing a great job, plumbers and gas station attendants. Keep up the good work.
Peter Dragon: You call those the breasts of a grown-up? I've seen better jugs in Schindler's List.
Peter Dragon: When I was 13 years old, I saw my first R-rated movie, Barbarella, and in the opening sequence, Jane Fonda took out two of the most beautiful ripe melons that this old farm boy ever did see. But they're gone now. Because of time, aging, gravity, and that dirty old bird Ted Turner pulling on them night after night. They don't exist! They're gone! But I still have the memories of those breasts. Beautiful breasts, that can turn a 13-year-old boy into a 13-year-old man.
Jenny: I'll have all of Hollywood's a-list c-cups in your office by two o'clock.
Titus Scroad: Every night, he and I sit down with the big book.
Peter Dragon: The Bible?
Titus Scroad: Moby Dick.
Peter Dragon: Six-hundred-dollar piece of shit! Swim, you fuck, swim!
Uncle Lonnie: How do we know he's really dead? Usually, when someone dies, they crap themselves and the stuff floats up. Now h... Never mind. There's the mother load, it's hooked underneath.
Peter Dragon: Take it easy, you're pretty critical for a man who a guy that humps a sweat sock.
Adam Rafkin: [awkward laugh] He's kidding.
Peter Dragon: Not kidding.