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"Absolutely Fabulous" New Best Friend (TV Episode 1994) Poster

Quotes

Patsy: [about Bettina] Neat? She was so anally-retentive, she couldn't sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture!

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Patsy: So no lunch then, Ed?

Eddie: Not unless Bettina arrives early. Then I shall have lunch with her.

Patsy: [in funny voice] Can I borrow the car?

Eddie: No, I'm picking up Bettina from the airport.

[Patsy puts her head down, upset]

Eddie: [under breath, annoyed] Oh god... Oh god... Well , what's the matter?

Patsy: I'm not happy.

Eddie: Well take the car. Just go. Go.

Patsy: I don't want the car.

Eddie: Well just go and be unhappy somewhere else. Go on... Go on!

[nudges Patsy]

Patsy: Don't touch me!

Eddie: Well just bug off! Bug off! Bug off!

[Patsy knocks an ash tray off the kitchen table and knocks candlesticks and ornaments off a shelf as she goes up the stairs]

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Patsy: Oh hi Brit, it's Patsy.

Britt Ekland: Patsy?

Patsy: Stone.

Britt Ekland: Stone?

Patsy: Patsy, Patsy Stone, Stone Patsy, Patsy Stone.

Britt Ekland: Oh Patsy.

Patsy: Oh Brits.

Britt Ekland: Pats

Patsy: Brits

Britt Ekland: Pat

Patsy: Bri

Britt Ekland: Pa

Patsy: Br

Britt Ekland: Puh

Patsy: Buh

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[first lines]

Eddie: [to Saffy] Why didn't you wake me, sweetie? Well, I'm not going into the office today because Bettina and Max are coming, and I've got to clear the whole house up for them darling. Anyway, did I tell you Bubble's not there anymore, she's gone. I mean, someone offered her a pathetic junior post at 'Marie Claire', so I accepted for her. Let them pay her, darling, while we've got no work on. So, darling, sweet... Sweetie? Honey?

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Saffron: You were checking the fly, weren't you?

Eddie: I have to, darling!

Saffron: I didn't think you still did that. It's been ten years since you saw that film, and Jeff Goldblum is now full-sized, wingless and living happily ever after in L.A.

Eddie: I know that, darling, but you'll be laughing the other side of your face the day you squash something with a little tiny human head against that window, darling. And it screams out "No, no! I'm a professor of physics! Take me back to my laboratory!" You'll wish you were a Buddhist then, darling.

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Eddie: You don't seem to realise Bettina and Max are coming.

Saffron: So?

Eddie: Bettina, the Queen of minimalism! Look how I'm dressed, darling. Minimalist.

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Eddie: Is this yours?

Saffron: Yes.

Eddie: Could it not be left around? Doesn't it have a home to go to?

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Bettina: [monotone on minimalism] We like it. We think it's the new millennium.

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Patsy: I should have sued. I was cut to ribbons, scarred for life.

Saffron: Extraordinary how it managed to hit you in exactly the same place behind each ear.

Eddie: Sweetie!

Patsy: Go on, Eddie, go on

Eddie: What?

Patsy: Well go on, go goon. You're going to tell this little trail of cat sick that I was badly injured and not to question me.

Eddie: No, I wasn't. I was gonna say, "Sweetie, darling, if you want to be some help to Mama, go upstairs and clear surfaces. Go on, darling." Mwah, mwah, mwah.

[points to June]

Eddie: Take her with you, take her with you. Clear her, clear her. Neat and neat and neat.

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Patsy: Where's Mags' diary? I want to know what she's doing for lunch?

Bubble: She's got a meeting.

Patsy: Why haven't you written it in?

Bubble: I'm not completely useless, you know. It's all in here.

[points to her head]

Bubble: It's with someone called... it's gone.

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Eddie: Bettina and Max! Clear, clear, clear, clear!

Saffron: I'll just say hello and then I'll go.

Eddie: No, you are not going to say hello. You must get in here. Flat against the wall, hold your bag close, and when they come, you go. Hi, hi.

Max: Hi, hi.

Bettina: Hi, hi, hi. Max, can you bring me the other cloth?

Max: Where is it?

Bettina: Blue bag, not the terry one. You know, the one near the bottle warmer by the playpen.

Max: The bag that fits the buggy or the backpack?

Bettina: No, the one that's by the mat near the music centre. That one, sam material as the sling.

Max: You used it on the plane.

Bettina: No, I didn't. Oh, Christ Max, we only had those four bags and the Moses basket on the plane.

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Bubble: What you gonna do?

Patsy: Don't question me.

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Eddie: [to Saffron] Lacroix, baby spew. Lacroix, baby spew, darling.

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Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: [listening to Edina cheat with Max on the baby monitor] ... Is that Radio 4 dear?

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Eddie: Where have all my surfaces gone, darling? It's like living in a small regional branch of Mother-Bloody-Care darling, isn't it? They've got to go, darling, so I can return to some degree of normality.

Saffron: Whatever that is.

Eddie: Yes, whatever that is, darling. It's not this no-fun bloody baby world, is it?

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[last lines]

Eddie: I had to, darling. They had to go.

Patsy: Hi sweetie.

Eddie: Hello darling.

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Eddie: No, no, no, no. You're gonna have to go. You're gonna have to go. Come on. You have to go. Come on...

Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: But dear, I've just...

Eddie: Just close your sad rag and clear! Come on.

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Saffron: [to Bettina] You're just tense. You need to unwind and relax.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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