- "Howling Mad" Murdock: [Irish accent] I don't suppose, my good man, that you ever heard of instantanious combustion? That's not to be confused with internal combustion. But, he's broken my rule number nine!
- "Faceman" Peck: [acting fey] Number nine? Never leave newspapers lying about.
- Roy Kelsey: Oh, eh, we were meaning to throw those out, actually.
- "Howling Mad" Murdock: Meaning to? Meaning to? You know that there are a thousand tragic cases of 'meaning to' in the naked city?
- "Faceman" Peck: Why don't you just step outside untill we've conducted our little inspection, huh?
- [urges Kelsey out the door]
- "Howling Mad" Murdock: [shouting] Newspapers! Newspapers! I hate newspapers!
- "Hannibal" Smith: I didn't get a chance to tell ya, but you really know how to work a fire-hose.
- Fire Chief Annie Sanders: For a woman?
- "Hannibal" Smith: Now, you wave that flag any harder, you're gonna break the pole.
- Roy Kelsey: Cute little dustbuster you got here, pal, what are you planning to do, knock off apples from trees?
- "Hannibal" Smith: No, not really, I use it to spray lice.
- Army Col. Briggs: [on the trail of Hannibal Smith] Hey, Smith, you played out your last tricks on Lynch and Decker.
- "Faceman" Peck: Hm, Vince Rogan. The guy makes a shark look like a box of brownies at a girlscouts jamborie.
- "Howling Mad" Murdock: Now, B.A! B.A! We're we're friends, don't cha know? You, me, Captain Fred, Little Squirt. We go back a long way. Remember the time that I was wounded and you... you took care of me?
- "B.A." Baracus: I remember that. But I do remember you squirting water in my face. And you gotta pay. Meet Big Squirt, fool!