Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre (2005) (V)

User Rating:

7.6/10   

Director:

Jonathan Morgan

Writers:

Timothy A. Bennett (writer)
Stormy Daniels (writer)

Release Date:

14 September 2005 (USA)

Genre:

Adult | Comedy | Crime | Fantasy | Horror | Thriller

Plot:

Five college students, Kirsten, Meghan, Rayford, Todd, and Josh, on their way to a rock concert, get...

Plot Keywords:

Killer | Group Sex | Sex | Heavy Metal | Splatter

Awards:

5 wins & 10 nominations

Cast

Stormy Daniels	...	Kirsten
Jessica Drake	...	Megan
Eric Masterson	...	Rayford
Voodoo	...	Todd
Tommy Gunn	...	Josh
Randy Spears	...	Sheriff
Mike Horner	...	Caretaker/Killer
Nicole Sheridan	...	The Ring Girl
Cherokee	...	Spirit Guide
Kinzie Kenner	...	The Sister
Keri Sable	...	Porn Slut
Devon Michaels	...	Hillbilly Girl
Scott Nails	...	Boyfriend
Katie Morgan	...	Natalie
Kris Slater	...	Scott

Runtime:

151 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.85 : 1

Sound Mix:

Dolby Digital

Certification:

USA:X

Filming Locations:

Sable Ranch - 25933 Sand Canyon Road, Santa Clarita, California, USA

Movie Connections:

Spoofs A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

A horror-fan's review.

A tongue-in-cheek (as well as numerous other orifices), horror-themed XXX feature, this movie's title promises 'discerning' viewers some gory stalk 'n' slash to go with their bump 'n' grind. Unfortunately, for most of its running time, Camp Cuddly Pines offers only one type of 'powertool'—and it's pink and fleshy. And as for the spillage of bodily fluids—well, not much of it is red!

With scene after scene of hardcore humping, and nary a graphic death in sight, anyone watching this movie WITHOUT the intention of choking their chicken will be extremely disappointed. In fact, to be honest, even as jerk-off fodder, Camp Cuddly Pines is pretty uninspiring, with each sex scene pretty much consisting of the same routine: oral, position A, oral, position B, money shot.

The cast—your typical assortment of silicone enhanced bimbos and muscle bound studs—struggle admirably to act in between the frenetic shagging, but to be honest, they're much better at delivering blow-jobs and facials than their lines. Only seasoned porno pro Randy Spears gives anything remotely resembling a decent (non-sexual) performance, and saves the whole mess from being a complete waste of time: his hammy turn as an R. Lee Ermey-style hayseed cop is pretty funny, and his brief tussle with a stuffed raccoon actually made me laugh (and not before time, considering this rubbish is also supposed to be a comedy of sorts).

As a porn film, I rate Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre 6/10; as a slasher/horror, I rate it a miserable 1/10 (splashing some fake blood after cutting away from the victim just isn't enough, I'm afraid); and as a comedy, I give it a rather generous 2 (1 point each for the two R's—Randy and the Raccoon!). Add those scores up, divide by 3, and we get a disappointing average of 3/10.