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Jackass Number Two (2006) Poster

Quotes

April Margera: Why would you burn him in the first place, Dunn?

Ryan Dunn: 'Cause it was funny...

Bam Margera: Please God, don't let there be a "Jackass 3".

Johnny Knoxville: Rectal bleeding... another first for Jackass.

[first lines]

Johnny Knoxville: Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackass!

Ryan Dunn: [after Johnny Knoxville falls head first off the penny farthing bicycle] You didn't land it.

Bam Margera: Ape, I got a muffed-up ass butt!

April Margera: I know, and you had the cutest butt ever and now you ruined it!

Bam Margera: No, Dick Farm Dunn ruined it.

Johnny Knoxville: [Johnny Knoxville hands his fake grandson a flask] Don't hog it all you little prick...

[Bam has just been branded with a penis-shaped branding iron]

Bam Margera: You gave me a hologram dick! There's three solid dicks, there's one half-assed one right here, and then you gave me a set of balls.

Johnny Knoxville: But a sweet set of balls!

Bam Margera: Rad... I'd rather rip my dick off and throw it in the river than to do that again. Goddamn!

Johnny Knoxville: [while Bam is in trailor with Cobra] You crying?

Bam Margera: Yeah.

Ryan Dunn: Ooh my hip! I think I just gave birth!

Ehren McGhehey: Where I'm going, I don't need luggage

Johnny Knoxville: That long hair don't cover up your red neck.

Chris Pontius: Hey Ehren, maybe after this movie you'll finally lose your virginity.

April Margera: [after seeing the brand on Bam's ass] You're going to have that for life!

Bam Margera: No shit!

Bam Margera: [after the Yak Charge] That couldn't have gone any better. I didn't know Knoxville could do back flips.

Dave England: [while chewing on horse shit] It's so dry!

Bam Margera: So the guys think they're coming here for a photo shoot, but little do they know we've got a shitload of bees we're gonna put through the sunroof and we've rigged the locks so they can't get out.

Johnny Knoxville: And when they do get out, we got some marbles waiting for them.

Bam Margera: This is the Beehive Limo.

Wee Man: [after getting zapped by the electric stool several times, thinking it is cards] Alright, you fuckers, the jig is up! Where's the fucking card throwing machine?

[Other guys laugh, finally one of them tells Wee Man]

Wee Man: OH, THE FUCKING CHAIR IS RIGGED!

Johnny Knoxville: [preparing Steve-O for the butt chug] I'm staring down Main St. right now - and it isn't pretty.

Steve-O: It's times like these when you know - Johnny Knoxville is one gnarly dude.

Ryan Dunn: So here I am, trying to contribute to Ehren McGhehey's new beard. I hope he knows that I skipped showering for about a week and a half to make this a little more gross.

[shaves his pubic hair]

April Margera: You had the cutest butt ever and now you ruined it!

Bam Margera: No, Dick Farm Dunn ruined it.

Man: [after seeing Knoxville's, as Irving Zisman, "grandson" smoking a cigarette] Hey man, is that a real light?

Fake Grandson: Piss off, man!

Man: Is it?

Johnny Knoxville: He said "piss off"!

Man: [Wanting to fight Knoxville] You wanna step outside?

Johnny Knoxville: We're already outside, numbnuts! Hahaha!

[to his "grandson"]

Johnny Knoxville: He asked us if we wanted to step outside.

Chris Pontius: I can't believe I'm fishing with Steve-o as my bait!

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Johnny Knoxville: It's gonna hurt a lot, but it's just loud.

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Chris Pontius: I'm so glad I'm not the star of this movie.

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Johnny Knoxville: If your asshole can't see the camera, the camera can't see your asshole

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Johnny Knoxville: Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and I'm going to the moon!

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Dave England: Oh God! Oh... Oh... Oh God!... my ass hurts so fucking bad!

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Chris Pontius: [after drinking horse semen] I'm ashamed of myself. I really am. I'm completely ashamed of myself.

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Wee Man: There's a machine in here! Where's the fucking card throwing machine?

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Steve-O: All right cast me out, goddammit!

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Ehren McGhehey: [while in the trunk of a taxi cab] Get me out of here!

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Steve-O: [chuckling] You just pleasured a horse.

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Johnny Knoxville: Ok, who brought crabs to the party? Ha ha. One of the guys had crabs!

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Jay Chandrasekhar: C'mon!

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Chris Pontius: [after Matt Hoffman attempts to jump the English Channal on his bike] He didnt even make it to Germany!

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Steve-O: Dude, Wee Man, I would never use a card throwing machine on you!

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Johnny Knoxville: [after taking a fall] My head stopped my body from getting really hurt on that.

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Wee Man: What are thinking about, Preston?

Preston Lacy: I wish all of that water was gravy and all those cars were giant biscuits.

Wee Man: [laughing] Are you hungry?

Preston Lacy: I was just saying...

Wee Man: Oh, all right!

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Chris Pontius: Water-based lubricants, friend or foe? You be the judge.

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Johnny Knoxville: [after getting shot by riot explosive] Is this ok?

[points to face]

Johnny Knoxville: Then we're good.

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Ryan Dunn: [Johnny Knoxville is about to be launched with the rocket] This isn't the best idea.

Bam Margera: Yes it is...

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Dimitry Elyashkevich: [Johnny Knoxville is ready to be launced on the rocket] 5... 4... 3... 2... 1!

Bam Margera: Later!

[Presses the launch button]

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Chris Pontius: [after completing Medicine Ball Dodgeball] That was fun. Let's never do that again.

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Bam Margera: Here we are at some random-ass ranch and this is the Brand. And it's gonna suck!

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Bam Margera: [before the Riot Control skit] If Knoxville goes in there, I'll French kiss him.

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Steve-O: I just had a leech chomp my eyeball. YES!

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Johnny Knoxville: [while gagging after Pontius drinks the horse semen] I never puke ever, and I really almost puked then.

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Phil Margera: [after seeing Bam's brand] He should have made it bigger and more realistic, that puny thing's embarrassing!

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Ryan Dunn: [after the riot control test] Son of a... Fuck you!

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Bam Margera: [after getting shot by riot explosive] I'm crying. I'm a fucking skateboarder and I'm getting shot.

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Ryan Dunn: [Riding Oldskool BMX] Why would anybody ride this shit? What's the reasoning? Why can't they just make two of the same size wheel?

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Wee Man: What? I can't hear... kinda.

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Steve-O: I'm Steve-O, and sorry Dad, but no one's gonna miss this for the world. This is the Butt Chug.

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Steve-O: [about to be buried up to his neck in a pile of manure] I'm Steve-O and this is some shit.

[screams]

Steve-O: I'm Steve-O and this is some shit!

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Chris Pontius: [after Wee Man and Preston go bungee jumping off the bridge] That was intense, really intense. Well, not really intense, but pretty intense.

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Dave England: [after going downhill in the Big Tire Race] Oh I hate that, I hate it so bad! Fuckin' sucky!

Ryan Dunn: Why do you hate it?

Dave England: The bouncing on my fuckin' head!

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Dave England: [gets knocked out by a large airbag] Ah... fuckin' shit... what was that shit? It's fuckin' in my eyes...

Johnny Knoxville: Oh! Oooo!

Dave England: Uh... what the fuck was that?

Johnny Knoxville: Oh my...

Dave England: I fuckin' don't understand... what the fuck did you do to me? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

Johnny Knoxville: Uh... are you...

Dave England: You're fuckin' me up man!

Johnny Knoxville: Let's go inside man!

Dave England: Oh FUCK DUDE... I... that was fuckin' CRAZY!

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Dimitry Elyashkevich: [terrible Middle East accent] Father, hello, Father.

Ehren McGhehey: [outraged] You shut up, I told you to come here earlier!

Dimitry Elyashkevich: I am sorry, Father.

Ehren McGhehey: [terrible Middle East accent] You are late, you cannot be accepted.

Dimitry Elyashkevich: I have disgraced you.

Ehren McGhehey: Where have you been, you little bastard?

Dimitry Elyashkevich: [apologetically] I have been making a number two.

Ehren McGhehey: Oh.

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Johnny Knoxville: Doc, can you help us?

Indian Doctor: Uh, yeah, why not?

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Indian Doctor: I do not recommend putting leeches on testicles.

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Jordan Houston: Swallow, swallow it nigga!

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Chris Pontius: [dressed in a devil costume] Keep God outta California! Whoo! Let Charlie Daniels write a song about this! God is *out*! He can have the other 48... or 49... whatever...

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Steve-O: [to Dave England who has an upset stomach] Last time you shit in a damn van and now you get to shit in a limo!

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Manny Puig: The anaconda is the largest snake in the world. It feeds on large animals and can kill grown men within minutes. Wee-Man, probably in seconds.

Johnny Knoxville: Why would you say that right before we film?

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Wee Man: [Getting shocked by an electric stool] Ah! Arrrgghh!

[Jumps of off the stool]

Wee Man: No, I don't fucking like that dude, I don't fucking like that dude. That fucking hurts, dude.

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Chris Pontius: [after sticking a fish hook through Steve-O's mouth] Oh, man. That hurt to do that to you.

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Ryan Dunn: I was scared of burnin' my own friend.

April Margera: Why would you burn him in the first place Dunn?

Ryan Dunn: 'Cause it was funny.

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Ryan Dunn: [while fishing for sharks, using Steve-O as bait] Dude, isn't this movie supposed to be a comedy?

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Ryan Dunn: [while fishing for sharks, using Steve-O as bait, and as sharks circle Steve-O] Dude, isn't this movie supposed to be a comedy?

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Johnny Knoxville: Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is the Anaconda Ball Pit.

[Wee Man hits him in the groin]

Johnny Knoxville: FUCK! I have on a cup and that still hurts!

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Bam Margera: Can somebody make a dick run?

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Jordan Houston: This is the bravest motherfucker right here - two hundred smackaroos - it's not counterfeit, it's real - to eat horse shit!

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Manny Puig: Bam just took a golden dildo up his ass at high speeds. That's what happened.

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Steve-O: [after completing the butt chug] Come on guys - let's go to the bar!

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Johnny Knoxville: [Lance is laughing hysterically] I think we broke him!

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Bam Margera: [Johnny Knoxville is about to be launched in the air] I'm scared just watching him, I want a Lance helmet!

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Bam Margera: We're here at April and Phil's house and I'm gonna present them the branded dick on my butt. No let me rephrase that - DICKS!

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Chris Pontius: [after jumping out of an open sewer grate, dressed as the devil] I landed straight on my head. I am just... fucked.

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Ryan Dunn: You have no hair on your ass.

Bam Margera: It is pretty.

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Chris Pontius: Get ready to be happy ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Knoxville is gonna jump the entire lake! He's amazing.

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Johnny Knoxville: This is the Toro Totter. It's me and Pontius vs. Dunn and Bam - and the last guy on the Totter is the winner.

Chris Pontius: It's gonna be a blood bath.

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Bam Margera: It's time to play a game with a bunch of these medicine balls, and they're heavy as shit!

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Johnny Knoxville: This is REALLY gonna suck!

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Bam Margera: The boys think they're arriving for a photo shoot, but little do they know we've got a shitload of bees we're gonna put through the sunroof, and we've rigged the locks so they cant get out.

Johnny Knoxville: And when they do get out we've got some marbles waiting for 'em.

Bam Margera: This is the Beehive Limo.

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Bam Margera: Knoxville is gonna see what the moon looks like!

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Johnny Knoxville: [On the Torro-Totter, Chris gets hit in the leg by the bull] Are you okay?

Chris Pontius: Yeah, hold on.

Johnny Knoxville: What do you mean "hold on"? The bull's not gonna hold on!

Chris Pontius: Ah, he got me in the leg. Goddamn, these bulls are strong!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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