Sleeping Dogs Lie (I) (2006)
Amy: My name is Any and, yes, at college I blew my dog.
Amy: Anyone here besides me know what canine semen tastes like?
Amy: Men are insecure enough about their penises. There's no need to bring the whole animal kingdom into it.
John: Whatever happened to your dog?
Amy: I gave him away.
Amy: He got too big.
John: When I was a boy and I first played with myself, first time I came I thought I broke my bits.
Amy: [laughing] How old were you?
John: I was twenty.
John: Tell me a secret. Tell me the weirdest thing you've ever done, something that you wouldn't tell anybody.
Amy: I had never had sex with Linda or any other woman. The idea of sex without a penis is like a sandwich without the meat.
Ed: Hey, um, what do you like most about teaching.
Amy: Hmm. I would have to say... the microwave food.
[Mom hugs John but sniffs and wrinkles up her nose]
John: Oh, that's me. I smoke.
Mom: No, I smell feces.
John: OH, FUCK!
John: I have blue balls.
Amy: Is it my sexy nightgown?
John: Tents make me horny.
Amy: Why don't you go talk to him?
John: Not now. He's got an axe.
Amy: You wrestled another woman in your underwear while Elvis beat off... and you didn't even get laid?
Amy: You're not hard.
John: I will be. Just shut up and kiss me.
Ed: That's it. I'm done with women. They're evil. You know, I'd be gay if it wasn't for the sex thing.
Randy: Oh, yeah, hey, uh, my mom made this casserole and wanted me to bring it over to ya.
Amy: Oh... well, thank you.
Randy: Uh-huh. Bounced around in my truck a little bit. Should be okay. It smells like ass but... probably doesn't... taste like it.