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28 out of 34 people found the following comment useful :-
A new benchmark has been set, 27 April 2006
10/10
Author: Random-Paul from United Kingdom

trapped in the closet.

When I began my hunt for the worst movie ever made, I pretty much started knowing the answer. I don't have much doubt in my mind that 'Manos the hands of Fate' can't be beaten for that award, although there is plenty that comes close (ankle biters for example). There is, however, another reason I went on this mission, I found Troll 2 so funny, and became determined to find other movies that had the 'So bad it's funny' magic. Movies have come and gone, and provided many chuckles (Shark Attack 3 anyone?), but never did I expect to find a movie that would surpass the greatness of Troll 2. A movie that is so funny it hurts, so funny it could be used as a weapon of mass destruction. And that movie is performed, written and directed by non other than R Kelly.

In some ways you could consider R Kelly to be a genius (and according to Wikipedia he persists that he is a genius), but not many. R Kelly has not only invented a whole new genre of moviedom, a 'Hip-Hopera', but he has also brought the ability to sng/mc/rap down to a level that can be accessible to the common man. For example, previously to sing/rap a "song" from the top of your head would perhaps require a large amount of quick thinking and talent. You would need to get your lines to fit a pattern of some sort (a 'tune' if you like) and perhaps try to make each line rhyme with the previous one by using words of a similar sound (for example, you can rhyme 'carrot' and 'parrot'. Did you see what I did there?).

But now the rules have changed. It is now possible to rhyme lines with the same word exactly, over and over again, take this verse for example ...

Then opens the dresser (dresser) He looks at the closet (closet) I pull out my Beretta (Beretta) He walks up to the closet (closet) He's close up to the closet (closet) Now he's at the closet (closet) Now he's opening the closet

. Or if that is too much for you try taking completely different words, and force them to rhyme by singing them in the same way. (note baretta and dresser above) take this verse for example

He hopped out the car and walks over to me And said, "License and registration, please" I looked up at him and said, "Officer, is there something wrong?" He said, "No, except you were were doing 60 in a 40 mile zone"

There is also the classic rhyming of 'nuts' and 'spatula'

And best of all, you don't need to sing about anything important, you can sing about mundane everyday tasks, but make sure you include every little thing you do. Now anybody can sing about anything at all. (eg, "she wiped her nose and said ...). For added interest, try singing the sound of a police siren, or singing in a southern USA Accent.

Without wanting to spoil to many of the plot twists (and to be honest there are more of them than minutes in this movie) The entire movie can be summed up pretty simply, everybody is sleeping with everybody else, and R Kelly has an inferiority complex that requires him to pull out his gun, and want to shoot someone (at last! an actual rhyme!) in almost every scene. Needless to say there are many plot holes in this movie (surely the image of a well en downed midget stripper is one that will haunt you forever? why did R Kelly not recognise him the next day?), and a saturated amount of plot twists (who isn't having an affair?). It will probably take a few watches to understand everything that happens in 'Trapped in the Closet', but believe me, you will watch it many times, you will pass it around to everyone you know, this piece of history must be shared. And the 12th chapter even ends with a cliffhanger ... does that mean we can hope for more?

But not all is good. Yes, this could be the funniest piece of work ever created, but what does this mean for the future of comedy? We have reached the limits of how funny something can be, meaning that all other comedy from now on will only ever measure up to be "not quite as good as 'trapped in the closet' ". It will reduce your enjoyment of any other comedy out there. To be honest, that is quite a depressing thought.

Genius! He has re-written the musical rulebook in such a profound way that quite frankly I feel honoured to be alive as history is written.

"Man, this is getting scary I'm going to shoot somebody"

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15 out of 21 people found the following comment useful :-
R. Kelley's Odyssey, 18 March 2006
6/10
Author: pgeo2286 from Boston, MA

"Trapped in the Closet," the brainchild of rapper R. Kelley, should not be taken seriously at all. You can look at R. Kelley's terrible rhyming, ridiculous plot, monotonous music that goes on for 35 minutes with no variation, homophobia, misogyny, and immorality and bemoan that this is our generation's "Odyssey." Or, you can laugh. And that is what I did. Whether he meant it or not, "Trapped in the Closet" feels like the greatest Saturday Night Live skit ever put together (in fact, SNL did parody this and it was not at all as funny as the real thing). Essentially, it's a parody of R. Kelley's world without trying to be. You will not regret watching this.

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8 out of 8 people found the following comment useful :-
He looks at the cabinet, moves toward the cabinet, gets closer to the cabinet, now he's opening the cabinet, 19 November 2006
1/10
Author: workingclasshero3-1 from United States

*** This comment may contain spoilers ***

I almost want to give it a ten for being so perfectly horrible but the fact that he takes this so seriously makes it so bad. I can't help but watch it. It's great! I'll be waiting for the next 2000 chapters, but he calls it "hip-hopera". There is no movement to the music after a chapter ends, he rhymes the same word several times in a row. It's plain awful from a musical standpoint but the fact that it's a farcical, unintentional laugh riot, makes it totally awesome! My favorite line is when the midget (and i love that he's referred to as "the midget") says "oh god, I think I just shitted on myself. How could he sing that line with a straight face?

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16 out of 25 people found the following comment useful :-
pure f...ing gold, 13 February 2006
10/10
Author: Phil McCombs from United States

I could tell in the first 10 seconds of watching trapped in the closet that this was going to be an instant classic. R Kelly is truly a genius.. No, a GOD! His voice is amazing and his rhymes are genius(like beretta with dresser) After each chapter ending with R Kelly singing the last word quieter an quieter I didn't want it to end and you know what? It didn't ever end!!(well it did eventually) But I haven't had the urge to watch something over and over all day since I watched xanadu. I love how he sings the whole time and everyone is just lip-synching, oh and the one white person in the plot has a southern accent. You can imagine how great hearing R Kelly sing in a southern accent while this fat white lady is lip-synching. Bottom line: Trapped in the Closet is pure f...ing gold. Every time I watch it i get something new from it that I missed because I was probably busy crying or laughing or both...If you get the DVD watch the commentary- R Kelly smoking a cigar on a couch in front of the movie mostly pointing at the movie and looking at the camera, he doesn't really say much... I know R Kelly, I was speechless too.

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6 out of 7 people found the following comment useful :-
Brilliant in its stupidity, 19 January 2006
10/10
Author: holycrapitsandrew from United States

*** This comment may contain spoilers ***

Just when I thought the genre of the rock opera had faded away, R. Kelly released this masterpiece, a romp through the world of infidelity with an R&B twist. Bad rhyming is a staple, with words being brilliantly rhymed with themselves and elements of the plot added solely for the purpose of creating rhymes (in the director's commentary, R. states that he gave the main character a Baretta because he "needed a rhyme for dresser). The plot is an emotional roller-coaster, with each additional character having slept with at least two other characters, allowing for the audience to play "Who'd they bang?" every time someone walks onto the screen.

As for the music, R. Kelly provides the voices of all the characters, carefully crafting his 45-minute opus to the tune of one simple beat that is reminiscent of the drumbeat from a Casio keyboard.

Oh... and there's a midget. An asthmatic one. Who craps himself. And R. Kelly tries to do a Midwestern accent.

Essentially... Trapped in The Closet is an incredible work of art, masterfully crafted with the college students looking for good drinking games in mind. Take a shot whenever someone is caught cheating or somebody pulls a gun on someone else, then last person alive wins! For added difficulty, take a gulp of beer every time you laugh at the ridiculous rhymes.

In short, see this movie. It's incredible, garnering a 10 on the Unintentional Comedy Scale. You won't regret it.

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5 out of 6 people found the following comment useful :-
laugh until you cry...cry while you laugh, it is that bad, 27 November 2006
1/10
Author: frankleberry from United States

*** This comment may contain spoilers ***

this has got to be one of the funniest things i possibly have ever seen in my life, and i have seen funny. R. Kelly gives voice to each character, all characters having the exact same voice but one, who he gives a southern-fried voice to (keep in mind, once again, in this "opera" he is singing all voices).

did he even think to take a fiction 101 class? nope, the answer is obvious, he is writing for himself and not an audience. the funniest part of the entire "opera" is the fact that it wasn't written to be funny. R. Kelly takes himself so seriously that watching the overwrought emotion, along with whatever actually rhymes with, yes i am not lying, the word is "baffroom", is too much to handle. the guy actually sings an entire commentary about walking across a room, looking in drawers for jilted lovers, looking behind refrigerators, (nope, no one back there), all the while waving a gun around. who is cheating on whom? who cares. this is freaking hilarious for all the reasons it wasn't meant to be funny, because HE thinks it is marvelous. give it a try- just be prepared to not be able to catch your breath because you'll be laughing so hard. i'm giving it a "1" for awful because the writer's intent was serious, now if it was a spoof of an opera, that would be a different story. honestly, i don't think dave chappelle could spoof it any funnier.

did i mention the midget in a cabinet?

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3 out of 4 people found the following comment useful :-
R Kelly Convertee, 11 September 2006
10/10
Author: pglove from London, England

Easy to describe this one, you will either love it or hate it - look through the comments, they are pretty much all either 1 or 10 with only a few fence sitters.

Personally I saw this for what it truly is - the funniest most entertaining complex and interwoven love dodecahedron ever conceived.

Personally when my friend told me he'd sent me something in the post and that I'd love chapter 9 I thought it was going to be a book, when 'R. Kelly - Trapped In The Closet' arrived several days later little did I know that my life would forever be changed. Well that's an exaggeration but I did laugh from start to finish and as far as I'm concerned anything that can do even half of that deserves every award ever.

If you have the opportunity to see this then DO! If you have heard of this 'film' and get past the low rating and make it to this comment then take it as a sign, something has compelled you this far so don't give in now, actively seek it out and spend the most entertaining minutes of your short life.

The world needs more laughter, open the door.

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10 out of 18 people found the following comment useful :-
Breakthrough RnB Musical Storytelling - broken in all the right ways..., 15 January 2006
9/10
Author: mkarau from Ireland

The first 12 chapters contain some of the most creative and innovative RnB video footage to date, as R Kelly's narration and vocals relate a poetic drama, constituting the pinnacle of self-deprecating nonsensical RnB music video production.

This piece stands alone. It's a song about nothing, forming the soundtrack and dialogue of a movie, not surprisingly, about nothing. It's outlandish, unbelievable, uses convenient yet impossible plot twists, and could be seen, quite frankly, as vulgar.

However, this viewer can't get enough. It's a bold move and a fresh take on RnB by a man whose public image has suffered in recent years. This re-establishes R Kelly as an Artist and is accessible to a viewer who can appreciate witty commentary on a genre by a creator from within that genre. Broken in all the right ways!

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1 out of 1 people found the following comment useful :-
Unfulfilled promise, 22 July 2008
3/10
Author: Framescourer from London, UK

At the beginning this threatens to be more than an R&B opera. R Kelly is immediately the closeted narrator and the bewildered protagonist in the bed outside. The episode - as its successors in this first series - battles the intent of doing something remarkable in lyric storytelling with the dramatic dead ends of posturing, homophobia and brandishing firearms.

I came across this series after having read an article by Alex Petridis, a pop critic for The Guardian, a UK paper. What he had to say is worth repeating: "These days, record companies have entire departments dedicated to preventing artists like R Kelly from perpetrating acts of grand folly such as Trapped in the Closet. Whatever you think of the end product... you have to be glad he has circumvented them. The increasingly beige world of rock and pop could use the occasional grand folly, however crass, idiotic, baffling and unintentionally hilarious it may be." Jim Swaffield's rather perfunctory committal of R Kelly's plan to video must rank, in both senses, alongside. 3/10

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1 out of 1 people found the following comment useful :-
goes from being really stupid to some kind of brilliance... and then stupidity again, 16 February 2008
7/10
Author: JackGattanella from United States

If you asked me what compelled R Kelly to make Trapped in the Closet, I wouldn't the foggiest clue. Maybe it was a call from Jesus, or some higher power that only comes to people whilst on the heaviest of psychotropics. But whatever it was, this is a work where you can never be completely sure whether or not Kelly was serious or not with what he was going (in some interviews he takes himself perhaps far too seriously than someone with his reputation ever should). He absurdly takes the angle of infidelity to one crazy step after another, until we're met with a very scary notion of a midget in a cop's cabinet. Did I mention the music?

Yes, there is, of course, God awful music that doesn't vary in the slightest for the entire 45 minute running time (filled with sounds of droplets and, well, you'll have to hear it for yourself in all cringe-worthy glory). Everything is sung by Kelly, playing over all the parts, and it becomes clear very quickly this is some kind of vanity project taken to a whole other level. First we have the man himself, played by Kelly, trapped in a closet of his mistresses, then there's the mistress's husband comes home, THEN the husband's man mistress, followed by R's wife, then... Should I keep going on, or will it kill the suspense? How much you enjoy this series, basically, depends on how much you can take R Kelly singing out a wretched soap opera, like some Z-grade director with aspirations to be legit, and at times the circumstances not making any sense whatsoever.

In fact, I probably did deep down really dislike this series, but somehow I couldn't stop watching, and laughing my dumbfounded head off. I applaud R Kelly for this achievement, but against all my better reasoning.

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