Henry: Okay, uh, before we can, uh... work effectively with one another, I think we should be comfortable. So, ten minutes, okay? Then - then work. Okay? Go. Okay, I'll start. Uh, I hate my mother. I hate my goddamn dead father more. Rudy was the only friend I ever had. I had a girlfriend once who I used to like to masturbate to more than have sex with. Carrots and snakes frighten me. Umm... I'm superstitious about the numbers...
[holds up three fingers, then six fingers, then seven fingers, crosses himself, blows into his fist, and makes a motion as if to throw the breath away]
Henry: I can only stir things counterclockwise, and I know that if I don't, something bad will happen. I take size eleven-and-a-half shoe. I don't have a favourite book. Umm... Oh... What's crucial? Oh, I don't drive or ride in cars. Statistically speaking, you have a 100% chance of being in an accident in your lifetime. They're death boxes. I give to Amnesty International on the off chance I'm ever imprisoned and tortured for my political beliefs. Paradoxically, I have no political beliefs. Umm... life is pain. Black kids are cuter than white ones. What's important? Uh... I didn't mean it when I compared you to our waitress. I was only trying to hurt you. I could've been meaner about your looks, and what I would've said would have made you cry. Umm... I have a towel I can't throw out 'cause it may have feelings. When I ejaculate, I go into deep depressions. Though by any standard you're a nice person, I deeply resent having to work with you. I love Japanese monster movies. Gamera, specifically.
Lucy: Gamera movies?
Henry: She deserves better than him.
Rudy Holt: Now you're talking.
Henry: Better than me, too.
Rudy Holt: Yeah, but she doesn't know that yet.
Arthur Planck: Succeeding in this business is ninety-nine percent perseverance and one percent talent. Congratulations, gentlemen, you're ninety-nine percent of the way there.
Henry: I've spent my whole life... wanting something... and doing my very best not to find it. Never even going near the places it might be... And suddenly, I've got the goddamn thing practically chained around my neck.
Lucy: What are you talking about?
Henry: You. You. You're the, you're the... You're, you're- you're the goddamn thing. Ahhh, uh. I mean... You're, you're. I can't describe you... uhh, I don't, I don't write that kind of shit, I write... You know, the people who write, who write the real books, the love books, and the poems, and even those stupid little fucking novels with the hunky assholes on the cover...
Henry: You know it? You know what I'm talking about? You know - you're like Princess shit! You know? Fairytales. You know what I'm saying? The million guys are after and you're blinded by your beauty kind of shit. Real big stuff. You know, that just - even, we got the dick that kidnaps you and sticks you in a cave and you're guarded by a five-headed dragon, you know and the tales of your plight are spread throughout the land and all the guys go and put on their shoes so they can see what's up and none of them have the balls to save her except for me. I would go through anything... for you. And still, there I was looking for a way not to see it. Anything. Money...
Lucy: You stupid idiot.
Henry: Yeah... big fat stupid idiot.
Lucy: I hope you're better to the next one.
Henry: No - wait...
[he digs in his bag and decides not to give her the dedication to Simone, but grabs the pebble he had given her and then thrown back onto the beach and went back for later]
Henry: It was easy to find... it's the only one like it.
Lucy: You broke my heart, Henry. I don't think you can trust people. You always have to find something wrong. I'm just... I'm sorry. I'll miss you.
Henry: I can't.
Lucy: Yes, you can.
Henry: We have to work.
Lucy: Right now?
Henry: Lucy, come on please. It's going to get very complicated. Ahh, it's going to get so complicated.
Lucy: Do you just genuinely dislike me, Henry?
Henry: A week ago, I didn't give a rat's ass about nebulas and now I can't get enough of them. Ok?
Lucy: It's nebulae... not nebulas.
Henry: Ok, fine. I don't care about nebulas. You know accuse me of whatever you want, I'm probably guilty of it... contributing to global warming, and killing a squirrel once, and using the word retarded, and occasionally misinterpreted bigotry, but don't, don't... don't don't don't don't don't accuse me of not liking you. Ok?
Lucy: I understand.
Henry: I've spent my whole life wanting something and doing my very best not to find it. Never even going near the places it might be, and suddenly I got the god damn thing practically chained around my neck.
Lucy: What are you talking about?
Henry: You, you're the god damned thing.
Henry: I've never been good at finding things, I'm really good at losing things.
Henry: You'll be fine. We'll both be fine Rudy.
Rudy Holt: That's life Henry.
Rudy Holt: You know what life is?
Henry: Life is a horrible little giggle in the midst of a forced death march towards hell.
Rudy Holt: No it isn't.
Henry: An interminable wale of grief...
Rudy Holt: No. Life is a single skip for joy.
Henry: I know.
Henry: Life is nothing but the echo of joy disappearing into the great chasm of misery.
Rudy Holt: ...You've had better.
Henry: Life is nothing but the occasional burst of laughter rising above the interminable wail of grief.
Rudy Holt: That's my favorite.
Henry: It lives in truth, that's why.
Henry: [handed piece of paper by Rudy] Who's this?
Rudy Holt: Uh, red suit, fat ass, best friend's a reindeer. Bones Mrs. Claus
Henry: [laughs] What's happening here?
Rudy Holt: Santa's sleigh, runs over Marty's tail, Marty jumps up, bites him in the crotch. Gives Santa the clap.