|Index||10 reviews in total|
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*
A man is haunted by a recurring nightmare that three large breasted women are trying to have sex with him. This is a nightmare? Apparently it is and it disturbs him so much he decides to drive into the woods to see if he can find the source of his dreams. Monique Parent is the understanding wife who has sex with him in the forest to try to take his mind off of his witch problem. Soon they will run into the witches, (Glori-Anne Gilbert, Julie K. Smith and Stormy Daniels), at a house that looks remarkably similar to the house featured in "Lust Connection". When I say similar, I mean it's the exact same house. The guy must exorcise his demons by having sex with each and every woman in this movie. His wife gets to have some fun in the hot tub and bath tub with the witch girls. A lot of tub action in this one. It all leads to a showdown with the witches as they have plans for his horny mortal soul.
The filmmakers must have gotten a real deal on this house. They have now filmed two skin flicks at it and I feel safe in saying that we'll be seeing it again in some future Julie K Smith/Glori-Anne Gilbert/whomever romp. That hot tub has seen a lot of beautiful things. Also like "Lust Connection", this movie only has one guy in it. They must be giving away lottery tickets to star in these movies. If your number hits, you can go to the mountain house of love and get it on with as many hot chicks as the movie can fit in. It's probably just more cost effective to have one guy and save the money for the women.
Speaking of women, let me once again praise Julie K Smith. She gets a turn with the guy in his bedroom and a session in the bath tub with Parent and Gilbert. I don't think it can be said enough times that her breasts are fantastic. So let me say it now. Her breasts are fantastic. Stormy Daniels also makes a fine horny witch. She gets to pop into the infamous hot tub with Gilbert and Parent and also gets to have sex with super stud by a tree trunk. I wouldn't mind seeing her in more hot tub adventures. I wish I could say that Gilbert rocks my world but she doesn't. She just doesn't know what to do in a lesbian sex scene. Her scenes in the bath and hot tubs should have been great but she clearly is uncomfortable. During the hot tub scene, she keeps staring off screen as if someone is talking to her. I can guess what they were saying, "Do something!". However, her scene with the guy in the woods was pretty good and she does get naked at the drop of a hat. There are good things about her but it would probably be wise to keep her away from other naked women.
Overall, "Witches of Breastwick" is a fine sex flick. It improves on "Lust Connection" by letting the ladies have some quality time away from the lottery winning guy. It's got everything a horny witch movie should have: Hot women, naked breasts galore, sex in hot tubs, and a few scenes of actual witchery. Not too much witch action but just enough to give the illusion that there is actually a plot hiding amongst the parade of naked women.
As another commentator stated, this is follow-up by Wynorski, using a lot of the same cast and crew from his LUST CONNECTION film. That was a great piece of soft-core film-making, if not in plot, but rather in its erotic elements. This is just as good, with a cast of women who, while they will never win Oscars, are just right for the job. First up is the trio of "witches" and all three bring their big-busted, beautiful selves to the game. Glori-Anne Gilbert and Julie K. Smith have never looked better, and Stormy (aka the fantasy girl in 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN) is a sight to behold. Also, while she doesn't have the top-heavy assets of her co-stars, Monique Parent holds her own here. A good decade since her heyday, Parent is still scorching, and her sex scenes are so intense, you will think they were the real thing.
If you like huge, fake breasts, then you will probably love this
soft-core porn flick. The three witches (Glori-Anne Gilbert, Julie K.
Smith, Stormy) and the mysterious girl (Taimie Hannum) all sport
enormous man-made fun-bags, while the other chicks have partially
synthetic hooters of various sizes. In fact, there's not a completely
real breast in the whole movie (not including male actors, of course).
If you prefer natural breasts as I do, then you are watching the wrong
movie. However, as much as I hate large fake breasts, I will admit that
this is still a better than average soft-core flick.
The plot is silly, but that's almost always true for soft-core, and personally, I prefer the silly or over-the-top stupid plots to the flicks that attempt a serious plot, like all the soft-core crime drama flicks. The acting is better than average for this type of movie, and the production values are pretty good, except for one sex scene shot half in the shadows and half in sunlight and another dimly lit one.
The first 30 minutes of this movie gets a little talky, but the last 45 minutes is pretty much wall-to-wall sex scenes. And all of the sex scenes are lengthy. Which is good, right? Who wants to watch 10 minutes of "plot" to get to 60 seconds of sex scene like in some soft-core flicks? I prefer 5 minute sex scenes separated by a couple of minutes of dialogue to setup who is going to do who next.
The five male/female sex scenes all range from better than average to very good. I especially like the scene with the witch Felicia (Stormy) and the dimly lit scene with the mystery girl (Taimie Hannum). Oddly, for me the most erotic scene in the movie is not one of the many sex scenes, but the lengthy striptease performed down a long conference table by the doctor's assistant (Jodie Moore).
Now for the two female threesome sex scenes, one in a hot tub and another in a bathtub. This is where the flick disappoints me the most. These scenes consist mostly of the girls wriggling, lightly caressing each other, and posing for the camera instead of attempting to simulate any type of sexual contact. And since they're half underwater, nothing's going on below the waist, and all those nice tails and legs are out of view. There are a few light kisses and nipple licks, but more fake ones than real ones. I hate it when a chick in soft-core pulls the old "I'm gonna kiss her on the mouth, but oops, I missed" or the old "I'm trying to lick her nipple but my tongue isn't long enough" nonsense. If the people who make hard-core or the "Girls Gone Wild" flicks can find girls who will actually french kiss each other and touch each other sexually, why can't the makers of most soft-core films find actresses who will at least act like they enjoy kissing and touching other girls?
As for rating the ladies, I found Stormy, Taimie Hannum and Julie K. Smith (as the witch Lola) all very appealing despite my preference for natural boobs. Monique Parent (as the wife) is one of my all-time favorite soft-core actresses. I've always loved her slender, tight, fair-skinned body and red hair, but now that she's hit 40 and added a few pounds, she's starting to look very average for this type of movie. Check her out in her older soft-core flicks. I loved Jodie Moore in her one scene. And as for Glori-Anne Gilbert (as the witch Rebecca), she didn't do it for me despite the fact that her facial features and husky voice constantly reminded me of Mira Sorvino.
Overall, a better than average soft-core flick, and if you love great big 'uns, a great soft-core flick.
I was up late one night playing starcraft when I happened to stumble upon this movie, given the clever title, I decided to watch it. Although my friends KT and Kain were disappointed that I left my game to watch this movie, all I can say is that this movie was head and shoulders above any game I've ever played. Quite possibly one of the best Cinemax movies of all time, the scenes are realistic and the women scorching, although some of the witches are definitely more endearing than the others, the plot line has a nice balance of tackyness and credibility, and there are tons of different scenes to satisfy all of those looking for some good, late-night movies, including G-G and M-G. Although it isn't going to be winning any awards, the acting isn't half bad and is much better than what is usually on. I give it 10 out of 10 inches.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I only have a few questions.
If you're being tortured by three voluptuous witches, should you lick your lips? And judging from everything else other that the licking of the lips, he was being tortured.
If you go to a therapist and he gives you advice and you go against it, whose fault is it when you end up tied to a stake becoming a sacrifice to an old witch? And what exactly was the point of the secretary's striptease on the doctor's desk? Why was the doctor's desk eerily similar to a conference room table? Was that for the striptease? What kind of white powder makes you cheat on your spouse with hot buxom witches? If you're sleeping next to your beautiful redheaded wife and a super hot brunette comes into your room and offers you hot passionate sex, should you take it? Shouldn't you at least know her name? What if your wife wakes up? She's only three feet away after all. Also, if that same hot brunette has actually come to warn you, but ends up screwing your brains out and then says there's no time to explain why you should leave in the first place, wouldn't you be just a little angry? Should you look into the camera while performing lesbian love scenes? Just curious.
I know it's a B-movie and I wouldn't expect Academy Award acting, but
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
If you like big-breasted soft core and nothing else, this movie will give you plenty of what you want. If, like me, you fantasize about beautiful, wicked women who do evil with gusto and then get their comeuppance, the movie will also work for you. Though the plot here is paper-thin, there IS a story: three alluring witches seduce an attractive young couple with a view toward sacrificing them to another witch whom they're trying to summon from the dead. I don't ordinarily care for silicone; but the three wicked witches are quite lovely, and this loveliness makes it more poignant (and so, for me, more sexy) when they're at last vanquished. A seemingly endless series of sex scenes typically doesn't work for me--instead makes me reach for the fast forward. Here, I was able to enjoy each scene, spiced up by what I hoped would be the girls' downfall. I was not, on the whole, disappointed. I only wish the final showdown between good and sexy evil could have been longer. So, if you share my kink, you should get some pleasure from this movie.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Okay, I just finished watching "The Witches of Breastwick" and I gotta
say....I was impressed by the huge boobs on display, but the storyline
(what little of it) left a lot to be desired. Let's just say that
there's a reason 80% of the grade is based on the women and the sex.
We begin with David Carter (Matt Dalpiaz, a softcore regular), a man who has been having strange dreams lately--dreams of him tied up and seduced by three women with fairly big breasts. Yep, it's the kind of dream most men would really, REALLY like to have. Unfortunately, he doesn't (why??) and he goes to see a shrink about it. Dr. Richards (Jay Richardson, a softcore veteran) doesn't really help him all that much, but I'll tell you who really helped Dr. Richards--his assistant, played by Jodie Moore, a smokin' hot Aussie porn star. She does a little strip tease on top of the board room table, and it was quite a performance. She said nothing--she let her body do the talking.
Now, back to the story. In order to get the bottom of these dreams he's been having, he takes a drive out to the woods, accompanied by his wife Tiffany (played by B-movie supervixen Monique Parent, this time as a red-head). Of course, the Carters carve out a little time to have sex out in the open and they continue on until the car suddenly dies for no reason. Tiffany spots a house nearby, and since her cell phone is getting no reception, she decides to knock on the door and see what's up.
Who answers? A woman with dirty blonde hair and big boobs, wearing a tight white top and a denim mini-skirt. NICE. Oh....the woman's name is Lola, played by Julie K. Smith. It's nice to see she's still working. She gives the Carters some drugged up wine and persuades them to spend the night with her and her two friends, Felicia and Rebecca (Stormy and Glori-Anne Gilbert, respectively--right down to the big knockers).
For the next 45 minutes or so, the film manages to loosely wrap a story around various sex scenes involving the three ladies, David, and Tiffany. They throw in another woman named Holly (Taimie Hannum, a favorite from way back) who gives David some inside info as to who these women really are--they're witches, and they've put a spell on the Carters. Apparently, David is the descendant of a judge who sentenced a famous witch named LaCacanya to death (played briefly at the end by Antonia Dorian) and these witches want payback. Okay, I suppose.
The superfast and anticlimactic ending did plenty to lose the points, but the large breasts and sex scenes-a-plenty made up for the script's shortcomings. Therefore, I consider this film tapeworthy for those aspects alone.
Women: A+ (Yes, this flick gets an A+ in this category. Glori-Anne Gilbert, Stormy, and Julie Smith are three witches I'd love to be held captive by. What a trio; I was very impressed. Throwing in Taimie Hannum for a little while was a cool bonus, as well as getting Jodie Moore to strip down to nothing. Antonia Dorian's face was on the screen for about 2 seconds, so I can't really add her in to the rating--not that it would've mattered anyway. Did I mention Monique Parent is in this? Oh, I did? Then you understand why this category gets an A+.)
Sex: A (I liked the various sex scenes, although the music playing through them kept them from getting an A+. Big boobs bouncing everywhere, and Monique Parent unclothed is always fun to watch.)
Story: C- (Here's where the points come off. The ending really took the steam out of things--probably because it ended so quickly. Jim Wynorski wrote, produced, and directed this movie (don't pay attention to the names--it's all one guy. Jim, much like Fred Olen Ray, likes to use aliases) and this is not really one of his best efforts in this department. Where was the comedy? This is listed as a horror movie, but I really wasn't scared at all. 78 minutes doesn't leave a lot when it comes to fleshing out a decent storyline, and I wasn't expecting a tearjerker or anything, but at least give these characters something to do between sex scenes.)
Overall: B+ (I'm giving this movie a B+. Not a perfect grade, but enough to make my short list of "good" softcore films. The big boobs were a definite plus, as was the wise use of Monique Parent as the unassuming, yet horny-when-she-has-to-be wife.)
You've got to be a die-hard fan to embrace this one. Though the film has many exciting scenes, and an interesting idea, it goes on too long and only comes to life near the climax. There are many reasons why this film doesn't work, but the most obvious one is simple: it's played way too straight and serious for its own good. The movie's opening scene is its best. Overall, the film was, I would say, "eh". I will never understand the hate for this movie. I found it to be sensational. Like other great dramadies, it is filled with charm, innocence and drama and romance. It's not quite worth 8 out of 10, so I give it a solid 7 out of 10 and urge you to check it out if you can find it.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Caught this on cable the other night. Wish I would have dropped it.(Get it?) The movie is pretty flat and lifeless. The horror isn't even worth mentioning. There are no chills,thrills or suspense. As for atmosphere, do you find a moderately furnished California mountain resort home terrifying? If you do, then this movie might scare you. If decor a step above IKEA doesn't frighten you though, you won't find much "atmosphere" in this move. And the sex is even more bland and cookie cutter than anything you'll find at IKEA. The actresses are as passionate and fervent as models at a car show. That's how they sell it. They're a coven of big- boobed mannequins. I'm a big fan of hot naked chicks, but this movie turned me off. And I turned it off, and watched something else on cable. I did turn back to it occasionally though, during lulls in the other shows I was watching,or commercials. That's about all it's good for, commercial filler. It's a shame because the director Jim Wynorski used to make some funny,sleazy, creative ,low budget movies. This flick has none of that, except the low budget part. Recommended only for Amish pre-teens. Anyone else is too worldly to be titillated by this drek.
Jim Wynorski delivers another sexy comedy/horror.much like the earlier sorceress with the the tall Amazonian babe;Julie strain.anyway even though there's no plot to get in the way of the movie,its enjoyable sexy fun . a man(Matt dalpiaz) and his sexy red head wife(Monique parent)meet three sexy witches(Glori Anne gilbert,Julie k smith,and stormy Daniels) then there's come cameos by wynorski regulars jay Richardson and Antonia Dorian.about 10 years back i had the pleasure of meeting starlet; Glori Anne gilbert at a comic convention in Orlando Florida.shes very nice and down to earth.and treats her fans like friends.Glori Anne gilbert is a very beautiful sexy starlet,catch her in the 2003 film; curse of the komodo.the truth is i enjoy b-movies more then mainstream movies.i guess my tastes are very much like critic Joe bob Briggs. kudos to mr wynorski,keep making em ill keep watching em.6 out of 10.
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